The Boy Next Door

[billy]

one of my early ones.

He's so compassionate, they say
this boy who acts so learnedly
Well fuck the boy who lives next door!
Dead bodies in his attic
I smelled their remains;
the stench from his insightful heart,
his lies and half-truths.
I saw the sniggering halfwit in full light
insane ramblings from a lunatic.
A Pandora’s box, unwittingly opened.
I am his doppelgänger, he abhors my presence;
cold hatred, heartless, devoid of feeling
turning the spit of hell, on which he is impaled
conscience, scolding with delight
in my attic, lies a once empty space

[Philatone]

when I read this, there is a lot going on. I think picking 2-3 of the images in the following section and elaborating on them could make it a stronger piece:

Dead bodies in his attic
I smelled their remains;
the stench from his insightful heart,
his lies and half-truths.
I saw the sniggering halfwit in full light
insane ramblings from a lunatic.
A Pandora’s box, unwittingly opened.
I am his doppelgänger, he abhors my presence;
cold hatred, heartless, devoid of feeling
turning the spit of hell, on which he is impaled
conscience, scolding with delight

as is, there is a lot to take in, which in turn weakens every image. nothing gets focused on for longer than a line or two.

additionally, I think your L3 would make a stronger opening; dropping the first two lines didn't seem to detract from the meaning for me

[billy]

thanks for the feedback geoff, will ponder your suggestions. i think this is one of those poems that needs more than a butchers hand in the editing