Metamorphoses by Leanne:

[billy]

When you and I were summer, and the sky
was greyer than the green that grew between
my linden and your oaken strength, serene,
eternal as the shadows passing by,
you whispered me a question; my reply
was lost upon the winds of might-have-been,
for change must come to every tranquil scene
and gifts from gods are not what they imply.

Forever is a dream lost to the dawn
and temples fall to dust beneath the years,
as roses split the stones and oceans dry;
yet boughs will bend and brave the tearing thorn
to claim the scars as treasured souvenirs,
and laugh until the summer, you and I.

The Original poem can be found here.

---

I thought it only fitting one of hers should be put forward. (I know she'd never put one of her own in the thread.) I chose the sonnet because the form work in it is nigh on perfect, as are the word choices. It's one of my personal favourites that we have on the site. If I could do a sonnet like this, I'd stay away from free verse.

[abu nuwas]

A good choice Billy. Awesome, awesome.....

[billy]

i used to be on a site ran by someone who only wrote sonnets and to be honest, they were abysmal. after that i stuck to quatrains in rhyme, and free verse.
after reading this, i began to take a greater interest in form. still can't write it worth a crap but i enjoy reading it now.

[popeye]

Thanks for that billy, what a beautiful piece, as you say one could only wish to write like that!

[Aish]

The first time I read this it struck a very deep chord, and I find that it continues to resonate. Great call, Billy

[Wildcard]

About time!

This is awesome and apparently I missed it or wasn't around when it was originally posted. Great work, Billy.

[rayheinrich]

If I could write a sonnet like this, I'd move on to BASE jumping off the Trollveggen.


P.S. Note about abounding versification virtualizations above
that cry out for their very own discussion thread:

While bad free verse is easier to write than bad sonnetage;
the converse (unless you're versically conversant in the holies)
ain't (or is that verse vice versa?). Arrrrg! Just burst versicle vesicle...

[Leanne]

It's all very unsonnetary... but thanks...

[Aish]

You're splashing us with unsanitary things again, love?

[Brownlie]

When you and I were summer, and the sky
was greyer than the green that grew between
my linden and your oaken strength, serene,
eternal as the shadows passing by,
you whispered me a question; my reply
was lost upon the winds of might-have-been,
for change must come to every tranquil scene
and gifts from gods are not what they imply.

Forever is a dream lost to the dawn
and temples fall to dust beneath the years,
as roses split the stones and oceans dry;
yet boughs will bend and brave the tearing thorn
to claim the scars as treasured souvenirs,
and laugh until the summer, you and I.

The Original poem can be found here.

---

I thought it only fitting one of hers should be put forward. (I know she'd never put one of her own in the thread.) I chose the sonnet because the form work in it is nigh on perfect, as are the word choices. It's one of my personal favourites that we have on the site. If I could do a sonnet like this, I'd stay away from free verse.

Good Petrarchan, your meter seems very natural and flows beautifully. It may be a pronunciation issue but it appears you don't have an end rhyme for dawn, though that is a moot point. Great read.

[Leanne]

Americans never rhyme things properly :p

In my accent, dawn and thorn are perfect rhymes

[milo]

Americans never rhyme things properly :p

In my accent, dawn and thorn are perfect rhymes

do you add an 'r' to dawn or remove it from thorn?

[Leanne]

Neither really. The Australian accent, like many English accents, is non-rhotic -- we don't feel the need to emphasis every r

Our "or" sound is more like "aw", but not the way Americans pronounce "aw". Just like the differences in spelling, I confess that it irritates me a little to have people "correct" my pronunciation.

[billy]

we pronounce dawn as dorn

[Leanne]

So either way it rhymes

[billy]

yeah, it's spot on for me.

[milo]

yeah, it's spot on for me.

I could see a nice tongue twister about darn your socks at dawn.

As long as youdon't pronounce it sorks.

---

Neither really. The Australian accent, like many English accents, is non-rhotic -- we don't feel the need to emphasis every r

Our "or" sound is more like "aw", but not the way Americans pronounce "aw". Just like the differences in spelling, I confess that it irritates me a little to have people "correct" my pronunciation.

so you are pronouncing it like thawn?

[billy]

get forked.

you're as astute with dialect as i am with iambic pentameter

[Keith]

Erm ahem...clears throat, back to topic. This is the kind of writing that keeps me interested in poetry and gives me something to aim at. Thanks for posting Billy and thanks for writing it Leanne. Keith

[Leanne]

Keith, I can't think of a better reason to keep writing poetry, thank you