unsuited
#1
[but] where
do we go
for absolution?
to petition
repetition
re re re conciliation
confessing
undressing
[we the people]
naked travelers
overrode
over owed
remorsing
re: more
sin
[syntax error]
error of our
ways
weighs
wait
you can’t go in there
not in that soul
unclean
unclean
[dry clean only]
your sins cannot
be washed away
you have the wrong
fabric
cut yourself
of different cloth
clothes
closed

mind

the

step

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#2
interesting verbiage.
it reads like a train of thought's train of thought, and
rides along at a breakneck pace. i like the way you end.
it feels like something is being stepped over. different. and it get's a thumbs up from me.
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#3

NOW you're talking!
Especially like:

remorsing
re: more
sin
[syntax error]
error of our
ways
weighs


  "Oral verbality is the very dingus of poetry." - Sam Jons



almost terse
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#4
A dingus stole my gravy.

My train is express, but doesn't go very quickly.
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#5
naked truth unrevealed
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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#6
I don't eat veal.
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#7
(03-11-2012, 06:16 AM)Leanne Wrote:  I don't eat veal.

I like the feeling I get that this can go anywhere. I know that had I written it, I would occasionally look back, and wonder what I had been getting at, in terms of sense, and form, and maybe find something here and there.

Apart from prancing around in the veal-leaving buff, your comments have told me this: whisky for composing poetry, coffee for critique, and wine for study. How is that for stalking?Wink
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#8
You are the perfect student, Mr Ed. Though to be honest, I'm not sure that wine for study was such a brilliant idea... only time will tell.
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#9
(03-11-2012, 07:37 AM)Leanne Wrote:  You are the perfect student, Mr Ed. Though to be honest, I'm not sure that wine for study was such a brilliant idea... only time will tell.

If I did not pay such close attention to detail, your ambiguity would be even more ambiguous than it is.....of course, that might be an excellent thing....Smile

PS I think you need to keep an eye on your bloke now. As soon as he is not required to will the team on, off he goes. You should be a closet Rangers/Hibs/Dunfermline fan.Wink
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#10
oh yes ewe veal
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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#11
(03-11-2012, 09:39 AM)abu nuwas Wrote:  PS I think you need to keep an eye on your bloke now. As soon as he is not required to will the team on, off he goes. You should be a closet Rangers/Hibs/Dunfermline fan.Wink
He's gone to visit a whole household full of Rangers fans... I suspect there will be very little football discussion this weekend Smile

This is a little ditty I composed in clogyrnach verse many years ago, when I first encountered this odd rivalry (it's not a very good one, I was rather young...):

Shaking my head at your football
Seems it’s the be-all and end-all
Celtic and Rangers
Friends become strangers
All dangers
Seem to call

I’d hate to call you fanatic
Loony or simply combatic
You Scots are insane
But honour you gain
As you reign
Simplistic
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#12
(03-11-2012, 10:47 AM)Leanne Wrote:  
(03-11-2012, 09:39 AM)abu nuwas Wrote:  PS I think you need to keep an eye on your bloke now. As soon as he is not required to will the team on, off he goes. You should be a closet Rangers/Hibs/Dunfermline fan.Wink

He's gone to visit a whole household full of Rangers fans... I suspect there will be very little football discussion this weekend Smile

This is a little ditty I composed in clogyrnach verse many years ago, when I first encountered this odd rivalry (it's not a very good one, I was rather young...):

Shaking my head at your football
Seems it’s the be-all and end-all
Celtic and Rangers
Friends become strangers
All dangers
Seem to call

I’d hate to call you fanatic
Loony or simply combatic
You Scots are insane
But honour you gain
As you reign
Simplistic

You were young.. and fiddling around with clon..clon... that thing. Blimey! I just read a few to see what it was. Could almost be the ancestor of the limerick. Right location. Do you know if the form is used in all the Celtic languages?

Just as we have passed Imbolc, and look forward to Beltane, suitably around St George's Day, you must be looking forward to a southern Samhain. Bed!Smile
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#13
Not that particular form, it's fairly well restricted to the Welsh, but the notion of embedded rhymes and stanzas of varying line lengths is certainly a universally Celtic thing. I've always thought of it as limerickish as well Smile -- it's actually a very good verse form for ballads, if you've got time and hair to spare.
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