Connacht
#1
And in the dark you crashed against the shore.
Your spectre drew in silver grains of sand,
pandanus fingers sliding through the core
worn hollow by the absence of command.

When folded flat and shadowed by taboo
too foolish to be followed, still its cold
rolls crookedly across the tale so few
true rhymers know: that poets don’t grow old.

They breathe the sun and stride across the sea
between the sombre soldier and the fey,
paid only in a world of yet-to-be:
the dreams of those who rail against the grey.

Though years may pass before you know your fate,
wait now impatient, suffer and create.


*I'm just playing about with forms here, this is what I think a hybrid conachlonn/sonnet should work out like -- hence the name Smile
It could be worse
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#2
(02-17-2012, 11:11 AM)Leanne Wrote:  And in the dark you crashed against the shore.
Your spectre drew in silver grains of sand,
pandanus fingers sliding through the core
worn hollow by the absence of command.

When folded flat and shadowed by taboo
too foolish to be followed, still its cold
rolls crookedly across the tale that few
true rhymers know: that poets don’t grow old.

They breathe the sun and stride across the sea
between the sombre soldier and the fey,
paid only in a world of yet-to-be:
the dreams of those who rail against the grey.

Though years may pass before you know your fate,
wait now impatient, suffer and create.


*I'm just playing about with forms here, this is what I think a hybrid conachlonn/sonnet should work out like -- hence the name Smile

In truth you can’t go far wrong with Irish and a sonnet. I personally think the song is far more important then 14 lines
and the Irish have the lilt for that songno matter the length
,
That’s my ancestors home land you are writing about you know I’m reading unanswered threads here . doing my duty Big Grin
Perfection changes with the light and light goes on for infinity ~~~Bronte

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#3
I'd forgotten about this -- generally if there are no replies I just assume it's crap but nobody felt like telling me Big Grin

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#4
(03-22-2012, 04:18 AM)Leanne Wrote:  I'd forgotten about this -- generally if there are no replies I just assume it's crap but nobody felt like telling me Big Grin

it only takes one to make a statement and three will come to disagree more often . I have been known to say "this is crap" just to see how many flushes I get. All lively sport my dear getting a party started, it shutting it down that is hard! lol

opps! Gotto go, take the girl to the airport , going to Sydney for three day work thingy
Perfection changes with the light and light goes on for infinity ~~~Bronte

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#5
I missed this somehow. Its language is mysterious and rather beautiful. Irritated to have to look up 'pandanus' -- but saw that it grows in the Pacific isles, and NSW. So from that I thought the first lines might refer to early settlement, especially with lack of command, and the excellent 'taboo too foolish to be followed'. 'Rail against' rang a bell -- but I don't think it sensible to self-censor too much, else we shall have nothing at all permissible.
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#6
apart from not knowing what the core is or the absence of command, i enjoyed it.
i enjoyed it a lot Smile
it had a great lilting feel to it and the sonnet form was visible; the iambics and line structure automatically made me think sonnet, as did the end rhymes. sadly i wouldn't have seen the conachlonnic side of it unless it was pointed out to me...that said i'm not well versed in the form as anyone who ever read the one i did will testify Hysterical
apart from my ignorance of the two things mentioned, i saw nothing in need of a fix.

thanks for the read.
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#7
Thanks lads, but you know you don't need to be super kind and prop me up, it IS just an experiment after all. It's nothing more mysterious than a little bit of writer's block therapy -- if I can't write anything else, I write sonnets or villanelles! So essentially it's a note to myself insisting that I snap out of it Big Grin
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#8


My brother does a writing class. They recently set the students the task of describing themselves as a third party might-- crikey, was he hard on himself! Not without truth, of course....But you have probably done all that. Wink

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#9
The first line reminded me of that saying that the gym jocks had a few years ago,'hit the wall', I guess in your case it was a loss of inspiration, but even then you have come up trumps, loved it, thanks for the read. Cheers!
Oh what a wicket web we weave!
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#10
(03-23-2012, 04:35 AM)Leanne Wrote:  Thanks lads, but you know you don't need to be super kind and prop me up, it IS just an experiment after all. It's nothing more mysterious than a little bit of writer's block therapy -- if I can't write anything else, I write sonnets or villanelles! So essentially it's a note to myself insisting that I snap out of it Big Grin
okay then...this is worst bloody poem i ever slapped me eyes on Hysterical
i wish i could write rubbish like this Big Grin

i'd also hate to see you're stuff when you don't have writers block Angry

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