Things for Bright Young Poets to Do No. 1

[Ca ne fait rien]

We attempted to grow a poet
propagate it in vitro
without copulation
or a jerk-off in a turkey baster
-environment sterile.
(we do not want contamination
of the Brundlefly kind
or to inadvertantly
inflict mutant poets on the world
in the event of an escape of vapours
from the chemical processes)
and placed it in the fridge.

As a control experiment
we smeared the germs scraped
from underneath the fingernails
of a random tramp
into a plastic petri dish.
we hoped the poetic bacteria
would thrive in the agar jelly
left in the airing cupboard
for a week
next to the comatose hamster
shrouded in a sports sock
that we hoped was merely hibernating
and not just dead.

[abu nuwas]

But I want to know how the experiment came out!

[Ca ne fait rien]

We are still checking on it. It seems to be taking longer than it said it should. Maybe the next set of instructions will help. )

[billy]

it's not even near needing a content warning.
so when do we get no. 2.
why from a random tramp (which is my fave line)
when it's grown, it will need a sibling or two

i think it needs a 3rd verse. jmo
thanks for the read.

[addy]

I really like this one. The idea is quite experimental (no pun intended) and thus the odd details worked extremely well (even the hamster line was a compelling combination of juvenile yet intriguingly mysterious and unsettling). I think the part inside the parenthesis is too long though. For me a parenthesis only works for shorter asides, so best leave the lines open altogether; just tweak them if you think you must to make the idea flow at its best within the stanza. Just a suggestion, though.

Also, it might be just greed but I hoped for more thorough hints of how you grew a poet (or even, trite though it may be, a hint about "what are poets made of") only because a random tramp's fingernails as a control was a genius addition and really spiced up the poem . Again these are just impressions and opinions of mine. A really fun piece (well, fun in a weird way )

[Ca ne fait rien]

Thanks Addy and Billy.
I found these poems last night after I thought they were gone forever after a blue screen of death disaster a few years ago and had never got around to editing and going through them. Probably missed the bus now, but I based them on a 1930s science book for 9-12 year olds that had been in family bookcases for probably that long, before all the new parodies of 'Things for a Bright Boy To Do' appeared in WH Smits etc. It is a real eye opener what they were expected to know and do at that age back then!

Thanks Billy - I didn't know the level of image that needed warnings here.

Addy- I will re- jig the first stanza with the aside- I see what you mean. That's what we are here for!

[grannyjill]

I don't want to touch it. I am writing simply to say how delightful I found it, and to say I wish I'd written it. The long sentence within the parenthesis was fine for me, especially with that last line 'and placed it in the fridge' don't ask me why, I just loved the matter of factness of it.

The second verse was even better than the first. The idea that to create a poet you need an eccentric soul living on the fringes of society says a lot about us. The final delight was the 'hamster' bit. Again, so domestic and real which served to highlight the lunacy of the poem.

This is an adult poem, but it would work really well in a book of poetry for teenagers.

[billy]

Thanks Billy - I didn't know the level of image that needed warnings here.

it has to be pretty bad stuff. at the end of the day poets should be allowed to express in a language they choose without thinking about content too much. swearing isn't too bad. generally it for the more horrific stuff

[Leanne]

"next to the comatose hamster
shrouded in a sports sock
that we hoped was merely hibernating
and not just dead."

Do you know, I (and a million other disillusioned poets) have said the same thing about poetry... hope it's hibernating and not just dead Gone are the days when it used to run madly around a specially built enclosure with wheels and bells and people who paid attention. Still, at least someone was kind enough to keep it warm, stinky sock or no.

I haven't seen "agar jelly" written often, it's almost always just "agar" or "agar-agar" for the obsessive compulsives Agar implies jelly since that's pretty much all it can be. Getting rid of "jelly" would also make that line transition a bit smoother off the tongue.

"a jerk-off in a turkey baster" sounds odd to me, as we use "jerk-off" as an insult "Hey, jerk-off, why don't you get a hair cut?" (Ok, my insults are slightly tepid but you get the picture). So here it sounds a bit like "a wanker in a turkey baster"

Having got those little things out of my system, I am ridiculously happy to have read this poem. Absurdity is a sadly neglected art form and my neurons are madly firing off all sorts of silly connotations. I am so very pleased you managed to rescue this poor little chap.

[Ca ne fait rien]

Giggling uncontrollably at the wanker in the turkey baster.
I really must get around to editing this one, it is pretty much as it came out in 2008 as I was throwing them down one a day and then lost them before even re-reading them never mind correcting.