the college trees

[heslopian]

row by row these saplings reach for what the clouds possess,
shedding autumn leaves like crumbs. weaving through them students flock
in groups to bus shelters. some barks are thin as catwalk girls,
others full-figured, but all unite in nakedness,
male fingers of the sky unbuttoning each dress.

day flits between elysian light and geriatric brows,
grey clouds making cameos. perching in the bare branches,
like stuffed birds nailed there, are dormitory windows.
new leaves will obscure this view come the promised year,
humanity's dusk, which even college trees must dread.

[billy]

row by row these saplings reach for what the clouds possess, is "these" needed
shedding autumn leaves like crumbs. weaving through them students flock does it need a comma after them?
in groups to bus shelters. some barks are thin as catwalk girls, in groups feels redundant
others full-figured, but all unite in nakedness,
male fingers of the sky unbuttoning each dress.

day flits between elysian light and geriatric brows,
grey clouds making cameos. perching in the bare branches,
like stuffed birds nailed there, are dormitory windows.
new leaves will obscure this view come the promised year,
humanity's dusk, which even college trees must dread.

i think the last verse has too much going on (i do like the geriatric brows)
but i'm already assuming the branches are bare, 'nailed there' feels like the too busy part, and 'this view'. the last line takes away from being observational which for me was the best of poem. jmo.

thanks for the read

[Philatone]

row by row these saplings reach for what the clouds possess, --i wonder how necessary "row...these" is, starting instead with "saplings." I could argue for them --the rows of trees mirroring the rows of lines of a poem, among others-- but it does seem to stall the scene a bit for me
shedding autumn leaves like crumbs. weaving through them students flock
in groups to bus shelters. some barks are thin as catwalk girls, --great placement of the students, literally weaving them between the descriptions of the trees. agree with billy on the "in groups"
others full-figured, but all unite in nakedness, I think you can find a stronger description than "full-figured". the word "nakedness" really stands out, but I'm not sure about it
male fingers of the sky unbuttoning each dress. interesting use of gender. as whole, I like the line

day flits between elysian light and geriatric brows,
grey clouds making cameos. perching in the bare branches, ---and they do make cameos, as in this poem. But I'm not sure if this is just nice to add or a new element for the whole poem.
like stuffed birds nailed there, are dormitory windows. --"stuffed" feels a little unnecessary with "nailed" for me. I like the idea of turning windows into birds
new leaves will obscure this view come the promised year,
humanity's dusk, which even college trees must dread. --strong finish

hope this is helpful and makes sense!

[heslopian]

Thanks for the feedback guys I'll make the edits you suggested to the dormitory windows line in a mo.