Midnight

[heslopian]

Lamplight mixes with pitch black
to make a mournful shade of day,
driving madness from the earth.
Lamplight mixes with pitch black
in hollows false as human hearts,
the void disturbed by neon flames.
Lamplight mixes with pitch black
to make a mournful shade of day.

[Aish]

This is lovely! No crit from me, Jack!

[billy]

Lamplight mixes with pitch black
to make a mournful shade of day,
driving madness from the earth.
Lamplight mixes with pitch black
in hollows false as human hearts,
the void disturbed by neon flames.
Lamplight mixes with pitch black
to make a mournful shade of day.

no constructive feedback here jack. the refrain works well
and it flows well. it has a period feel about it because of lamplight and i think it adds to the piece.
thanks for the read.

[heslopian]

Thanks for the kind words, Aish and Bilbo

[Philatone]

heslopian

Lamplight mixes with pitch black --great [i] sounds!
to make a mournful shade of day, --this and the line above are great lines, nice imagery
driving madness from the earth.
Lamplight mixes with pitch black
in hollows false as human hearts,
the void disturbed by neon flames.
Lamplight mixes with pitch black
to make a mournful shade of day.

this is a lovely shade of dark right here, heslopian. nicely written. sorry i can't be more helpful

[addy]

Horribly vivid and unsettling; the structure gives it an extra-powerful impact. "Shade of day" is such a finely done pun. This is splendid.

[heslopian]

Thanks very much Addy