The Bloody-minded Poet
#1

I don't know why I think what I think,
But think it I bloody well do,
And if you had but an ounce of sense in your head,
You'd bloody well think it too!
Reply
#2
I really like this. It's witty and perceptive. This is probably how I'd react to a lot of feedback on my work if I let my narcissistic, childish side take overBig Grin Of course that's the problem most artists face, overcoming their egos in the search for beauty.
My one suggestion is that you trim the third line thusly: "And if you had any sense in your head".
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
Reply
#3
Thank you. I might be contradicting the spirit of the piece, were I to take your advice. It reads OK to me, actually (and you would be surprised how many people agree with it -- regarding themselves, of course!). Wink

Is there a difference between 'thus' and 'thusly'?
Reply
#4
Looked it up on dictionary.com and found this interesting note: "Some speakers and writers regard THUSLY as a pointless synonym for THUS, and they avoid it or use it only for humorous effect."

"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
Reply
#5
it does not remind me of me Smile
it is/was me though when, i first started out.
i hated constructive feedback.
i found some irony in your reply to jack but it was funny to see it Big Grin


thus·ly (sl)
adv. Usage Problem
Thus.
Usage Note: Thusly was introduced in the 19th century as an alternative to thus in sentences such as Hold it thus or He put it thus. It appears to have first been used by humorists, who may have been echoing the speech of poorly educated people straining to sound stylish. The word has subsequently gained some currency in educated usage, but it is still often regarded as incorrect. A large majority of the Usage Panel found it unacceptable in an earlier survey. In formal writing thus can still be used as in the examples above; in other styles this way, like this, and other such expressions are more natural.
Reply
#6

I am not so rude, mostly. But it is not an English thing,'thusly'. A bit like saying 'firstly' as an adverb, when mean 'first'. People do say that all the time, here. Wink
(10-03-2011, 03:21 PM)billy Wrote:  it does not remind me of me Smile
it is/was me though when, i first started out.
i hated constructive feedback.
i found some irony in your reply to jack but it was funny to see it Big Grin


thus·ly (sl)
adv. Usage Problem
Thus.
Usage Note: Thusly was introduced in the 19th century as an alternative to thus in sentences such as Hold it thus or He put it thus. It appears to have first been used by humorists, who may have been echoing the speech of poorly educated people straining to sound stylish. The word has subsequently gained some currency in educated usage, but it is still often regarded as incorrect. A large majority of the Usage Panel found it unacceptable in an earlier survey. In formal writing thus can still be used as in the examples above; in other styles this way, like this, and other such expressions are more natural.

The reason people go along with, is that it is not exclusively to do with poetry, writing or crtiticism; it has general application. If you personally, say, secretly rather despised foreign speakers, English in particular, of Tagalog, you would know inwardly that you were right, wouldn't you? Or you might think a much-loved character, we might think of The King, was a real p---k. You would not go about thinking you were wrong. I''m right, aren't I? WinkWink
Reply
#7
use for any word in poetry has no or little part in a dictionary Abu, we, or should, i say poet should, use words as tools. anything is fair game.
i only showed the usage cos you asked (i think)

personally for me, the thusly worked as well as what you changed it for. it works really well with bloody,, not as common in usage as it use to be, but used really well here. and i have no idea why i'm saying all this cos it's mild crit.

if it works the poet, use it, is my motto, the poet is the real proof reader after all Smile
Reply
#8
Hi abu,
   Simply stated: I like it, as is. At first I kept wanting to change L2, but the more I read it, the more I liked it. And then I considered Jack's rewrite of L3, but in the end I think the longer line is appropriate as it expedites the rythym to a punch-line close. Well done and thanks for sharing.
Reply
#9
One of the most insightful, curmudgeonly pieces I've read Smile. You are indeed correct about human nature... it is impossible for us to change our minds about certain things, when we're so sure of it; it is the essence of rifts in opinion, that no amount or debate and arguing can bridge.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
Reply
#10
Well, it's about time you realised it Big Grin
It could be worse
Reply
#11
(10-06-2011, 04:40 AM)Leanne Wrote:  Well, it's about time you realised it Big Grin

I am sure you know the feeling.....Big Grin

Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!