Selene and the boy

[Ca ne fait rien]

We share the awe
of a September evening
walk along the shore-line
with the long- haired woman
and her skittish boy.

Our dogs circle
snip and snap
wary of each other’s motives

twilight falls:
in the harbour up coast
lamps are lit

out at sea fishing boats
shimmer, beacons
on the edge of the world.


Harvest moon
breaks the horizon
sails above the waves
a helium balloon
floating up to clear sky.

The boy skims a pebble
along the golden path
of moonlight on the water
it skips seven times
before the mermaids
commence their song.

[Wildcard]

Hi Stef,
   Quite a beautiful scene you've captured here. I particularly like the second part and the white space seperating the two. To me, it gives the poem a little breathing room and designates an impending change. I love 'golden path on the moonlight water', but I wonder if golden path could stand alone without explicately naming the moon as the source. Also, I think 'skips' would be a better word than 'skims' IMO

An interesting read that satisfies thoroughly. Thanks for sharing

[John Holland]

Great imagery. The last stanza stands out for me. I like your line breaks too. The poem "reads" nicely because of them.

[abu nuwas]

I am a sucker for Moon poems. They are universal, and the stuff of lyrical poetry. I even have a guilty fondness for Walter de la Mare, whose house was not so far from where I live, and who had a splendid view from his garden, out to the Surrey Hills. I can even swallow 'shoon', but I would not try to slip that past Leanne, until her taste has been properly blunted:

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/silver/



Selene was the girl-friend of Sappho, to whom many of her poems are addressed, and if anyone misssed it, the word (or sometimes Selena) was the Greek word for Moon.

[Ca ne fait rien]

I am a sucker for Moon poems. They are universal, and the stuff of lyrical poetry. I even have a guilty fondness for Walter de la Mare, whose house was not so far from where I live, and who had a splendid view from his garden, out to the Surrey Hills. I can even swallow 'shoon', but I would not try to slip that past Leanne, until her taste has been properly blunted:

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/silver/



Selene was the girl-friend of Sappho, to whom many of her poems are addressed, and if anyone misssed it, the word (or sometimes Selena) was the Greek word for Moon.

Cheers Abu- something about the boy made me think of Endymion, which was why I titled Selene. It was a stunning sight, the moonlight falling on the sea like that, and the boy (past his bedtime) paying a kind of homage. Of course it was one of the few times I was without my camera.
I concur, the moon is a universal icon. It is hard to find something new to say, but somehow it is always necessary to say something

I always loved that Walter de la Mare- especially 'shoon'. Do children still get fed W de la M? If not, they should.

---

Thanks for reading and for your kind comments and suggestions, AA, appreciate it.

@John- thanks John for the kind comments.

[billy]

We share the awe
of a September evening
walk along the shore-line
with the long- haired woman
and her skittish boy.

Our dogs circle
snip and snap
wary of each other’s motives

twilight falls:
in the harbour up coast
lamps are lit

out at sea fishing boats
shimmer, beacons
on the edge of the world.


Harvest moon
breaks the horizon
sails above the waves
a helium balloon
floating up to clear sky.

The boy skims a pebble
along the golden path
of moonlight on the water
it skips seven times
before the mermaids
commence their song.

the harvest moon is so right for sept evening, and the verse it's in is my favourite. i'm not sure 'walk' is needed on the 3rd line as it's implied by 'along the shore line; snip and snap works on more than one level for me. edge of the world ties in with horizon well.
and selene in the title adds much to the tale. thanks the read.

[heslopian]

A wonderfully lyrical, imagistic piece. I think it could be improved tenfold by removing all punctuation and capitals, both of which are used a bit arbitrarily it seems.
The last verse is especially good, combining as it does the realism which has preceded it (the fishing boats and beacons of S4, for instance) with fantasy, the stone skipping across moonlight, the mermaids. It implies that beyond the edge of the world we see lies magic and wonder. Lovely. Thanks for the read, rien

[addy]

Lovely imagery in this one... the lights in the dark lends an ethereal drama to the scene, but it isn't overdone either. I love the dogs circling part... it just adds something unexpected and mysterious.

reading it over again, i would have to say the line "twilight falls" is unnecessary, just imo. You already established september evening which is enough to transition to the rising moon later. In truth, I think the entire third stanza can be removed without much problem, since the fourth stanza offers up a more effective image of lights in the distance, delineating the far edges of the scene .

Also, in the 5th stanza, "a helium balloon; floating up to clear sky" is an image that imo works better for daytime the nighttime. I do appreciate that it brings a sort of levity, however I don't get levity from the tone of any of your other lines, which for me heightens that sense that the balloon was just fitted in as a filler line. I'd suggest removing the balloon part, and trying to work in the harvest moon breaking the horizon either into stanza for or 6 (preferably stanza 6, the last--- harvest moon breaking the horizon perfectly compliments the image of a stone skimming and "breaking" the water)

Those are just my two suggestions. Feel free to ignore if they don't work for you

[Ca ne fait rien]

Lovely imagery in this one... the lights in the dark lends an ethereal drama to the scene, but it isn't overdone either. I love the dogs circling part... it just adds something unexpected and mysterious.

reading it over again, i would have to say the line "twilight falls" is unnecessary, just imo. You already established september evening which is enough to transition to the rising moon later. In truth, I think the entire third stanza can be removed without much problem, since the fourth stanza offers up a more effective image of lights in the distance, delineating the far edges of the scene .

Also, in the 5th stanza, "a helium balloon; floating up to clear sky" is an image that imo works better for daytime the nighttime. I do appreciate that it brings a sort of levity, however I don't get levity from the tone of any of your other lines, which for me heightens that sense that the balloon was just fitted in as a filler line. I'd suggest removing the balloon part, and trying to work in the harvest moon breaking the horizon either into stanza for or 6 (preferably stanza 6, the last--- harvest moon breaking the horizon perfectly compliments the image of a stone skimming and "breaking" the water)

Those are just my two suggestions. Feel free to ignore if they don't work for you

Thank you ver much, Addy, I will think carefully about your suggestions and have a bit of a play about.

[only rob]

I'm glad you did not have your camera, my friend. You have painted the scene better in this poem methinks...

[marc]

I too am a lover/an admirer of the moon and with this piece you have captured the familiar tranquility that oftentimes settles in just as the sun fades and the moon begins to appear on the horizon.

Marc