Suicide

[heslopian]

It's been a while since I've talked about you,
afraid of what the snobs might say,
those self-conscious academics

who panic their wings at such meat.
But just as Whitsun called Larkin
from his rest to wake the pen,

so we arrange to meet again.
Oh guileless three syllables
does my stepmother live?

Haunting her old house
beside the field
where once her eldest child played.

Does she walk the streets a shade?
The savage God, said Alvarez
nine years after Plath's leaving.

I'm not sure. All I know is
the fear of silence, the ignorant dimming,
the hush. A light bulb wanes in its white noose,

and so the soul is jimmied loose.

[Todd]

Hi Jack,

This is a very smooth read Jack. I enjoyed the references. I thought the alliteration was subtle and pleasing. Here are some specific line comments:

It's been a while since I've talked about you,
afraid of what the snobs might say,
those self-conscious academic--excellent strophe break. The self-consciousness is expressed by the extra pause.

who panic their wings at such meat.--example of something I like that I don't understand.
But just as Whitsun called Larkin
from his rest to wake the pen,

so we arrange to meet again.
Oh guileless three syllables
does my stepmother live?

Haunting her old house
beside the field
where once her eldest child played.--the shift to the personal in the last two strophes ratchets up the intensity. The haunting house part skims close to cliche but doesn't bother me.

Does she walk the streets a shade?
The savage God, said Alvarez--nice line
nine years after Plath's leaving.

I'm not sure. All I know is --love this break
the fear of silence, the ignorant dimming,--again just love these phrases
the hush. A light bulb wanes in its white noose,--could just be me Jack but this line might be a stronger ending. I don't hate the last line but maybe adjust this line slightly "the hush. A light (break) bulb wanes in its white noose. I thought of other options but just a thought

and so the soul is jimmied loose.

Great poem

Best,

Todd

[heslopian]

The last line is there mostly for symmetry. Every five lines I put in a rhyme. I'll think about removing it. Thanks for the kind words and feedback Todd

[billy]

It's been a while since I've talked about you,
afraid of what the snobs might say,
those self-conscious academics i'm presuming these are other poets?

who panic their wings at such meat. who then try and talk the 1st person out of it
But just as Whitsun called Larkin nice ref to his wedding series (i only know because i just read whitsun weddings )
from his rest to wake the pen,

so we arrange to meet again.
Oh guileless three syllables i quite like this reference of suicide
does my stepmother live?

Haunting her old house
beside the field
where once her eldest child played.

Does she walk the streets a shade?
The savage God, said Alvarez this is also an extremely good ref to the subject matter.
nine years after Plath's leaving.

I'm not sure. All I know is
the fear of silence, the ignorant dimming,
the hush. A light bulb wanes in its white noose,

and so the soul is jimmied loose.

for me the last line detracts from a really good poem.
i do however have one nit. and that's larkin, i do see you using the whitsun wedding train journeys as a simile for death, specially their endings but for me it's a little out of character because the poem his mainly about new beginnings (which i'm sure suicide is )

that said i think i'd buy a book of poetry that was as well written, JMO) as this is.

ps, while alverez and his savage god was a great line, the plath line in connection with the deadly dead is i fear quite commonplace.
thanks for the read

[Wildcard]

I like your rhyme scheme and the ending following it. I figured enough of the poem out to know what poems I need to read to try and begin understanding yours (I think.) When time permits I will try to figure this little beauty out and then try and critique once I get a better grasp on what you are trying to do. It certainly seems worth understanding.

I can say that I love the lines:

who panic their wings at such meat

and the great ending three:

the fear of silence, the ignorant dimming,
the hush. A light bulb wanes in its white noose,

and so the soul is jimmied loose.

You make me want to be a better poet, sir.

[heslopian]

Thanks for the kind words and feedback Billy
I doubt the academics I mean (poetry scholars more than actual poets) would concern themselves with talking the first person out of it. They just object to suicide as a theme for poetry. That's what I meant anyway. I hope it didn't seem as though I was haughtily glorifying the act.
I didn't reference The Whitsun Weddings as a simile for death; what I meant was that, like how Larkin was compelled to write while passing through Whitsun and seeing the wedding parties, so I'm compelled to write about suicide.
The Savage God is a 1972 study of suicide by A. Alvarez, who was close with Plath.
I see what you mean about the last line. I may remove it.

Thanks for the kind words, AA You flatter me.

[billy]

no it didn't seem that way at all.
gotcha on the larkin thing

i know about the savage god, thats why i said it was a great reference for the subject matter.