Kaolin Baths

[Leanne]

No longer green, today the jade
spreads faded suppositions through
a future mewling extra cream
in streams that once knew lemonade.

One yes and then the nos rush in,
a dynasty bred just for height,
a kite with tails of docking line
as finest China coats the skin.

He seeks, he seeds, he smooths his way;
decay is dancing on his string,
a tincture bleeding salt and oil
to spoil the surface of the clay.

But wheels will turn, though weary feet
don't meet the ground the way they should
we stood where God was greener still
and willows bent beneath the heat.

The vase inverts, its soaked debris
is freed from sugared water walls
and crawls to reach the hollow stem
where lemons burst upon the tree.

[Todd]

Leaane,

I've spent a lot of time with this and I'll still freely admit that I'm unsure what it means I've had theories pop into my head but that's all they are. I'm more than willing to take the risk of being wrong and give you a critique to the best of my ability.

Hopefully, my wrong (and I'm sure it will be) interpretations will still be helpful to you in some way.

So, I start with the title Kaolin Baths. Kaolin(ite) is the mineral associated with China initially and with making porcelin among other things. Bath makes me either think of spas or medicianal mineral baths, or even more broadly as immersion in something the Kaolin represents--China or its culture maybe.

No longer green, today the jade
spreads faded suppositions through
a future mewling extra cream
in streams that once knew lemonade.

Throughout the poem you have a real sense of delicate phrasing, and there are connections and echos running throughout of what you've already touched on. So, we start with "No longer green" which strikes me as what it literally means that the jade is faded though it also makes me sort of think no longer fertile or stripped of life. The fact that it refers to a mineral and not a tree challenges the observation, but the symmetry of the poem is that you end on a tree. I think this is like saying that something is wrong deep down in the veins where you can't see it (hidden in the strata) which ties in with kaolin that sometimes picks up other colors from adjacent mineral deposits. I associate Jade with China. The faded suppositions seem to speak of a weakening of cultural identity. The last lines are interesting, the future mewls extra cream again all color (thick, bleached out) in streams that once knew lemonade (this threw me by choice by color I could maybe move to gold but I don't think so. Maybe a reference to the Yellow Sea. Perhaps, it's mostly a symbol for a dried-out lack of abundance). You must be shaking your head right now wondering if I've dropped acid (just free associating a bit).

One yes and then the nos rush in,
a dynasty bred just for height,
a kite with tails of docking line
as finest China coats the skin.

Okay, I hate the way nos looks on the page even though it's correct. It reads well though just I always want to add an apostrophe and then slap myself because that is not why you use apostrophes. I took this as maybe China's one child policy. I took dynasty and the proper noun China as further confirmation that perhaps this was about the culture. I took dynasty bred just for height to maybe be a gender selection issue and the kite as an indictment because they are cut loose from their roots. It is an outward immersion now.

I know that's a bit out there possibly.

He seeks, he seeds, he smooths his way;
decay is dancing on his string,
a tincture bleeding salt and oil
to spoil the surface of the clay.

Now there is a shift where all that has proceeded may be a metaphor or symbol for something else. Who is the He? I'm not sure. Progress? Pollution? Philosophical ideas? I love the sonics here. The s sounds, the decay line, the images in the last two lines, the triple repetition of he.

But wheels will turn, though weary feet
don't meet the ground the way they should
we stood where God was greener still
and willows bent beneath the heat.

Now I'm wondering again if this is the downsides of progress and change. I'm not sure I understand the we stood where God was greener still. It's lovely language. I get the sense that the heat may not be due to natural causes.

The vase inverts, its soaked debris
is freed from sugared water walls
and crawls to reach the hollow stem
where lemons burst upon the tree.

The most beautiful language in the poem. The imagery is stunning. It is so much fertility and life that it is explosive. Everything has been turned upside down and now it seems rolled back and righted.

Leanne, I feel all over the place with this one. I know what I gave you was a ramble. The poem's lovely even if I'm sure I'm missing the point. I don't have any suggestions for you though because being as foggy as I am to meaning I'm not sure if I'd be pointing you correctly. I see nothing from a technique standpoint that looks sloppy or ineffective.

Oh well, enough rambling. I hope some of that mess will be helpful somehow.

Best,

Todd

[Leanne]

Todd, that's a fantastic reading and frankly, I'm quite excited that you managed to draw so much out of it because it says to me that despite it being a personal poem, it's not been too closed off so those not "in the know" can still take something out of it -- and reading it through your interpretation, it becomes quite a different piece to what I intended, which is most definitely a good thing. Perhaps all those things were indeed in my head when I was writing -- I'd love to think so, it would make me so very clever!

[Aish]

I will return, Leanne.

[billy]

the title; my ex always had cosmetics that used kaolin and being in the antique game for quite a while, know it's also another term for china clay. because of the kaolin in it. i think i also remember having as a kid for the shits in the form of kaolin and morphine. so many choices. i thini have to go with the make up or clay bath used to rid the skin of fine wrinkles etc.

No longer green, today the jade
spreads faded suppositions through
a future mewling extra cream
in streams that once knew lemonade.

One yes and then the nos rush in,
a dynasty bred just for height,
a kite with tails of docking line
as finest China coats the skin.

He seeks, he seeds, he smooths his way;
decay is dancing on his string,
a tincture bleeding salt and oil
to spoil the surface of the clay.

But wheels will turn, though weary feet
don't meet the ground the way they should
we stood where God was greener still
and willows bent beneath the heat.

The vase inverts, its soaked debris
is freed from sugared water walls
and crawls to reach the hollow stem
where lemons burst upon the tree.

it feels so much like the potters wheel and the modelling of a vase. the images are crisp, perhaps to crisp as to make us think too hard. and for some reason i think of the willow pattern which i know is wrong and yet...
it feels like birth or rebirth we die the child lives on. the rhyme is spot on.
the 1st verse leads to age and the last to birth. a metaphor for life perhaps. the thing is, it's quite beautiful,

He seeks, he seeds, he smooths his way;
decay is dancing on his string,
a tincture bleeding salt and oil
to spoil the surface of the clay. again all i can see is the ageing process.
sorry for my ignorance leanne. i wish i could say more or even give constructive feedback. in truth, all i can say is, it resonates.

thanks for an extremely good read.

[Leanne]

Billy, thanks. I had specific ideas in mind but I really wanted to keep it as open as possible, without being deliberately obscure, because nobody needs to hear about my dirty laundry -- everyone's already busy with their own Your reading is excellent, and it works just fine for me, I appreciate it. Thanks for the comment about the rhyme too, the scheme sort of decided itself in the first couple of lines so being a masochist, I naturally had to try and keep it up through the rest of the poem... not so easy as it sounds!

Aish, when you're ready is fine by me

[Aish]

No longer green, today the jade
spreads faded suppositions through
a future mewling extra cream
in streams that once knew lemonade. I may be weaving myself into this, but extra emollient skin therapy to smooth those erupting fine lines is what I am reading here. Our 'faded suppositions' change as our perceptions do.

One yes and then the nos rush in,
a dynasty bred just for height,
a kite with tails of docking line
as finest China coats the skin. I appreciate the Chinese details, since kaolin comes from China. "finest China" also reads as porcelain, and is just bringing me images of geishas and little China dolls all perfectly painted.

He seeks, he seeds, he smooths his way;
decay is dancing on his string,
a tincture bleeding salt and oil
to spoil the surface of the clay. Although I see aging here I also see growth, apathy, and brutality.

But wheels will turn, though weary feet
don't meet the ground the way they should
we stood where God was greener still
and willows bent beneath the heat. Young love?

The vase inverts, its soaked debris
is freed from sugared water walls
and crawls to reach the hollow stem
where lemons burst upon the tree.

The poem (to me) imparts an embittered journey. A life lesson (or maybe a few).

Sorry Leanne, I don't think I've done your talent justice.

[billy]

Billy, thanks. I had specific ideas in mind but I really wanted to keep it as open as possible, without being deliberately obscure, because nobody needs to hear about my dirty laundry -- everyone's already busy with their own Your reading is excellent, and it works just fine for me, I appreciate it. Thanks for the comment about the rhyme too, the scheme sort of decided itself in the first couple of lines so being a masochist, I naturally had to try and keep it up through the rest of the poem... not so easy as it sounds!

Aish, when you're ready is fine by me

i never noticed the end rhyme till about the fourth read which tells me it isn't forced.

[Leanne]

Aish, "extra emollient skin therapy" sounds like way too much work for me, I don't even like wearing lipstick! But "growth, apathy, and brutality" is absolutely spot on, and I get the feeling you've read it more or less the same way as I wrote it. Ageing doesn't bother me in the slightest, in fact I've welcomed it because it means I've learned at least a thing or two about not trusting appearances.

Thank you so much for your comment.