the village pond thaws
carp bask open-mouthed
as water boatman return
edited: changed basks to bask after feedback from addy
Unsuspecting.
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the village pond thaws carp bask open-mouthed as water boatman return edited: changed basks to bask after feedback from addy
05-05-2010, 06:29 PM
thanks for the kind words.
(05-05-2010, 11:43 AM)billy Wrote: the village pond thaws Very, very elegant. I'm jealous . I can just picture the cracking remnants of ice, the silents gasps of the fish. Personally, I would've said "carp bask open-mouthed as water boatmen return" but that's more personal taste than anything. It's spot on as it is
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
(05-06-2010, 05:42 PM)addy Wrote:thanks for the feedback i agree. originally that's how i had it and like a puck i decided to go wit basks.(05-05-2010, 11:43 AM)billy Wrote: the village pond thaws i' will change it to bask, thanks addy.
05-07-2010, 05:00 PM
LOL, there's nothing wrong with editing your poem as you see fit But yeah, sometimes it happens to me too that I edit it a bit too much
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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