Unsuspecting.

[billy]

the village pond thaws
carp bask open-mouthed
as water boatman return


edited: changed basks to bask after feedback from addy

[srijantje]

very nice ,mate

[billy]

thanks for the kind words.

[addy]

the village pond thaws
carp basks open-mouthed
as water boatman return

Very, very elegant. I'm jealous . I can just picture the cracking remnants of ice, the silents gasps of the fish.

Personally, I would've said
"carp bask open-mouthed
as water boatmen return"
but that's more personal taste than anything. It's spot on as it is

[billy]

the village pond thaws
carp basks open-mouthed
as water boatman return

Very, very elegant. I'm jealous . I can just picture the cracking remnants of ice, the silents gasps of the fish.

Personally, I would've said
"carp bask open-mouthed
as water boatmen return"
but that's more personal taste than anything. It's spot on as it is

thanks for the feedback i agree. originally that's how i had it and like a puck i decided to go wit basks.

i' will change it to bask, thanks addy.

[addy]

LOL, there's nothing wrong with editing your poem as you see fit But yeah, sometimes it happens to me too that I edit it a bit too much

[Bianca Alabaster]

the village pond thaws
carp bask open-mouthed
as water boatman return

Beautiful poem

edited: changed basks to bask after feedback from addy