Beauty

[heslopian]

As a child I was obsessed with depravity.
Read every article I could
on handgun wielding sons of Sam
and hippies, bored with bongs and sex,
making piñatas from pregnant women.
My internal library was soaked
with blood and entrails, young ladies
screaming in the night,
child snatchers, angry cops.
The endless dark enshrouded me.
having grown and suffered
since then, my personal trek
through the landscapes of hell
hardly even begun, I've learned to love
the simple things. Red sour sauce
on a ball of battered chicken, the way
a lamppost impregnates a puddle,
the perfect, compact loveliness
of a face or a thigh or an arse.
All this beauty and I - ill, depressive,
angry, scared - must learn to snatch
these images, store them like nuts
so when I die my internal library
will shimmer, blossom, then burst into light.

[kath3]

WOW ... another very fine read.
I'd be content just to be able to gracefully describe why I like something ... but I can't.
Do know that I truly enjoy your words Jack, you have such a way of taking something so simple and seemingly insignificant and bringing it to life.
the way a lamppost impregnates a puddle,

[heslopian]

Thanks very much Kath

[billy]

As a child I was obsessed with depravity.
Read every article I could
on handgun wielding sons of Sam
and hippies, bored with bongs and sex,
making piñatas from pregnant women.
My internal library was soaked
with blood and entrails, young ladies
screaming in the night, child snatchers,
angry cops. The endless dark
enshrouded me. But having grown the enjambment feels off for me, is 'but' needed?
and suffered since then, my personal trek
through the landscapes of hell
hardly even begun, I've learned to love would i'd learned to love' work better on it's own line?
the simple things. Red sour sauce is 'the simple things' needed?
on a ball of battered chicken, the way
a lamppost impregnates a puddle, great line
the perfect, compact loveliness
of a face or a thigh or an arse.
All this beauty and I - ill, depressive, is beauty needed,
angry, scared - must learn to snatch
these images, store them like nuts
so that when I die my internal library is 'that' needed?
will shimmer, blossom, then burst into light.

an example of how to sort out the enjambment to use or ignore;
screaming in the night,
child snatchers, angry cops.
The endless dark enshrouded me.
having grown and suffered
since then, my personal trek

i like the way you take us from the cold side to the warm side of the 1st person. some good images, love the lamppost in the puddle. how they evolve from the morbid to a way that counters it.
all in all i enjoyed the read jack. for me it needs a small edit to lift it that little bit more. (jmo)

[heslopian]

I really like your revised enjambment on those lines. I'll make the edit in a moment. For me "the simple things" is needed. I agree about "that" in the penultimate line. I'll edit that as well.
Thank you for the feedback and kind words.

[addy]

One of my favorites from you Jack. Aside from being beautiful, it's a poem that's uniquely voices who you are, and that in itself is a precious thing to give to readers. Good job with this.

As a child I was obsessed with depravity.
Read every article I could
on handgun wielding sons of Sam
and hippies, bored with bongs and sex,
making piñatas from pregnant women.
My internal library was soaked
with blood and entrails, young ladies
screaming in the night,
child snatchers, angry cops. it's a little odd to end with angry cops? not heavy enough to contrast well with "endless dark", but that's just imo. So far the lines are excellent
The endless dark enshrouded me.
having grown and suffered
since then, how about "having since grown and suffered"?my personal trek
through the landscapes of hell
hardly even begun, I've learned to love
the simple things. Red sour sauce
on a ball of battered chicken, the way
a lamppost impregnates a puddle,
the perfect, compact loveliness
of a face or a thigh or an arse. These last few lines are gorgeous.
All this beauty and I - ill, depressive,
angry, scared - must learn to snatch
these images, store them like nuts
so when I die my internal library I'd prefer it if you can do something to highlight the "internal library" line, use it in a more prominent place so the callback is more apparent, just a suggestion to take or leave
will shimmer, blossom, then burst into light. I've felt this, but of course you articulated it much, much better than I could

[heslopian]

Thank you for the kind words and feedback Addy When I return to this poem I'll see if I can expand on what an internal library looks like.
Do you think the line would work better if I switched "child snatchers" and "angry cops" around?

[addy]

I think yes . (Again, gorgeous poem, and if you do come back and revise it I'd love to read what you come up with)