A Visit

[jadielue]

At my grocery store,
in the frozen foods
section, there sat
a pleasantly obscure
shopping cart.

A generic brand of
diet soda was angled
toward the ceiling in
the upper basket.


It was an awkward
silence, the cart and I,
alone in an aisle that we
both knew I'd eventually
leave.

No expectations, no
deeper meaning, just
a left cart, a box of
soda, and me.

I remember yearning
for my camera.

[billy]

At my grocery store,
in the frozen foods
section, there sat is 'there' needed
a pleasantly obscure
shopping cart.

A generic brand of
diet soda was angled
toward the ceiling in
the upper basket.


It was an awkward
silence, the cart and I,
alone in an aisle that we
both knew I'd eventually
leave. this is my fave verse, it creates a connection between the 1st person and the cart

No expectations, no
deeper meaning, just
a left cart, a box of
soda, and me.

I remember yearning
for my camera.

for me it needs a little work on the enjambment.
apart for that i think it's a keeper.
i enjoyed the soda angled to the ceiling in the anthropomorphic trolley, it has a sexual (implied or not ) connotation that made me smile.
i also thought the last verse was an almost perfect finish. how often to we miss capturing a moment in time.
while it's light it does work a couple of levels.

just a question, was it soda for drinking or cleaning, (the box threw me a little.

thanks for the read jadie
everything is jmo to use or leave as you see fit.

[jadielue]

I don't know why but the "there" is necessary, I'm weird like that. Thanks for reading, liking, and commenting. Drinking soda.

[addy]

Not much I can say form-wise that hasn't been said, but yeah, I love this piece . I like the randomness of the feeling you presented, how we feel moved by meaningless things. The third verse up to the finale was just classic.