a cat poem

[heslopian]

my cat is sleeping on the counter
beside the patio doors tonight.

a mewling cushion, perhaps thirteen,
as nervous and frail as when we bought her
and her late sister from a friend of my mother's,
a recovering addict with a house full of pets
which scampered over newspapers,
pissing and shitting everywhere.

I take my gray pyjama top from the dryer
below her resting place
and embrace the warmth in these early hours.

I feel like we're both old tonight.

[addy]

You establish a great vibe and mood in this piece... there's a calm poignancy to it, which does indeed remind me of the silent air of cats. Also I like cats, so I might be biased

my cat is sleeping on the counter
beside the patio doors tonight.

a mewling cushion, perhaps thirteen, This description made me smile
as nervous and frail as when we bought her
and her late sister from a friend of my mother's,
a recovering addict with a house full of pets
who scampered over newspapers,
pissing and shitting everywhere. I like the slow but jarring burn of this description, how well it obliquely opens up and expands the narrator's personal story but in a skillful and subtle way

I take my gray pyjama top from the dryer
below her resting place
and embrace the warmth in these early hours.

I feel like we're both old tonight. Great ending

[billy]

my cat is sleeping on the counter
beside the patio doors tonight.

a mewling cushion, perhaps thirteen, my fave line
as nervous and frail as when we bought her
and her late sister from a friend of my mother's,
a recovering addict with a house full of pets
who scampered over newspapers,
pissing and shitting everywhere. [it feels like the late sister was shitting over news papers ? though it's a great image either way.]

I take my gray pyjama top from the dryer
below her resting place
and embrace the warmth in these early hours. the connection show is great

I feel like we're both old tonight. great ending, sad and poignant

apart from the one nit as who was crapping, i loved this one. good images, great narration. it felt like a poem about a real affinity with each other and all from a few images. this is good. the difference between this and virtue is great. (large)

wish i could be more constructive but i can't see how i'd change anything i haven't mentioned.
thanks for the read jack

[heslopian]

The ones who were crapping were all the addict's various pets. Thanks for the kind words and feedback Addy and Billy

[billy]

that's what i thought, it just read as though it's the addict.
would 'whose' instead of 'with a'

it feels like it's saying an addict with a house full of pets craps on papers. (in a much better way than i wrote of course) then again it could just be me being picky in which case i'm sorry

[heslopian]

Wait a minute, you said you thought it was the late sister crapping everywhere. By late sister I meant my cat's late sister.

[billy]

okay me bad i should have said addict (i was working from the misconception that the sister was the addicts relation and not a cat. )

that said my point still stands. it's ambiguous as to whose shitting on the newspaper

[heslopian]

Yeah but we wouldn't have bought the addict's sister. That's called slavery Would it work if I changed "who" to "which"?

[billy]

possibly.

[heslopian]

Done, now bugger off