The Seated Buddha

[robdaley]

Otosan was a mean sod
beat me with a hanbo.
I poke his ghost-white ashes
as if clearing a hearth.
I pick up the femur.
The priest holds the urn out
like a bank robber
collecting the loot --
I fill it with ribs.
The priest rests the urn
and with a hankachi
wipes his face. I slip
the Buddha bone
into my pocket --
Otosan will not have
a peaceful passage.
The jawbone, the last
of him, I hold up
to my face. Pivot it.
I borrow his voice
make him say sorry.









I poke his ghost-white ashes
as if clearing the hearth.
I pick up the femur.
The priest holds the urn out
like a bank robber
collecting the loot.
I fill it with ribs.
The priest rests the urn
and with a hankachi
wipes his face.
I slip the Buddha’s bone
into my pocket --
Otosan will not have
a peaceful passage.
The jawbone, the last
of him, I hold up
to my face. Pivot it.
I borrow his voice
make him say sorry.

[matsunosuperfan]

Dude hell yeah
Strong clear voice with evocative tactile imagery

Best poem I've read here in months

[busker]

Otosan was a mean sod
beat me with a hanbo.
I poke his ghost-white ashes
as if clearing a hearth.
I pick up the femur.
The priest holds the urn out
like a bank robber
collecting the loot --
I fill it with ribs.
The priest rests the urn
and with a hankachi
wipes his face. I slip
the Buddha bone
into my pocket --
Otosan will not have
a peaceful passage.
The jawbone, the last
of him, I hold up
to my face. Pivot it.
I borrow his voice
make him say sorry.

I’m just not invested enough in the characters to find this interesting. There are some details of a Japanese cremation that require a quick search, but there’s nothing in the poem other than some random bit of orientalism. 

I slip
the Buddha bone 
into my pocket 


—- why are there 3 lines for this?

The ending doesn’t deliver a change in tone, a surprise, a payoff to reward the reader for plodding through the dull, lifeless body. Maybe that’s the meta poem.

[hylas]

Otosan was a mean sod
beat me with a hanbo. - great opening, super strong voice + nice consonance and assonance
I poke his ghost-white ashes - nice quick scene-setting, though "ghost-white" isn't very interesting.
as if clearing a hearth. - does nothing for me as a simile - maybe too close to literal?
I pick up the femur. - not clear what this adds
The priest holds the urn out
like a bank robber
collecting the loot --
I fill it with ribs. - last four lines are great
The priest rests the urn
and with a hankachi - I understand the priest needs to not see the pocketing, but "with a hankachi" is both flat and a bit weeaboo-ish, since hankachi is just a loanword anyway. 
wipes his face. I slip
the Buddha bone
into my pocket -- - nice! I disagree with busker - since you'd expect him to slip the buddha bone into the urn, the line breaks make the surprise work 
Otosan will not have
a peaceful passage. - these two lines are very flat, I guess they help if the reader doesn't understand the significance of the buddha bone bit, but they feel like overexplaining to me. 
The jawbone, the last
of him, I hold up
to my face. Pivot it.
I borrow his voice
make him say sorry. - I'm on the fence re: whether the son wanting his dad to just say sorry is nice pathos or incongruent with him pocketing the bone. T

I really like this overall. The voice and occasion are super strong.