Haiku (when I'm sad and heavy)

[matsunosuperfan]

Haiku

When I'm sad and heavy
rain falls in the street, I smile
watching my dog run

[busker]

Haiku

When I'm sad and heavy
rain falls in the street, I smile
watching my dog run

“Sad and heavy” is the sort of abstraction that is the opposite of haiku
Rain falls in the street
My dog runs:
I smile.

Would be closer to the spirit, though it too is horrible

[matsunosuperfan]

Haiku

When I'm sad and heavy
rain falls in the street, I smile
watching my dog run

“Sad and heavy” is the sort of abstraction that is the opposite of haiku
Rain falls in the street
My dog runs:
I smile.

Would be closer to the spirit, though it too is horrible

thanks for reading. If I write more of these I will not share them here, probably. all the feedback has just been pedantry about what haiku traditionally do.

[milo]

Haiku

When I'm sad and heavy
rain falls in the street, I smile
watching my dog run

“Sad and heavy” is the sort of abstraction that is the opposite of haiku
Rain falls in the street
My dog runs:
I smile.

Would be closer to the spirit, though it too is horrible

thanks for reading. If I write more of these I will not share them here, probably. all the feedback has just been pedantry about what haiku traditionally do.

For sure - it is a topic well-trod and the pedantry is exhausting especially when we consider the debate has been going on in a Pound/Ginsberg style debate for over 100 years/

Facts are - traditional haiku and haiku traditions do NOT work in English which is the seed of the birth of the American Haiku movement.

Anyway - probably a better topic for discussion than here as I really have nothing to say about the current haiku.

[busker]

Haiku

When I'm sad and heavy
rain falls in the street, I smile
watching my dog run

“Sad and heavy” is the sort of abstraction that is the opposite of haiku
Rain falls in the street
My dog runs:
I smile.

Would be closer to the spirit, though it too is horrible

thanks for reading. If I write more of these I will not share them here, probably. all the feedback has just been pedantry about what haiku traditionally do.

It’s not pedantry at all
Haiku exists to exploit brevity and condensation as devices
Merely writing 3 lines doesn’t  do anything unless you’re able to pack a punch
So no, your attempts at haiku have so far been terrible. Nothing to do with dogma

[matsunosuperfan]

“Sad and heavy” is the sort of abstraction that is the opposite of haiku
Rain falls in the street
My dog runs:
I smile.

Would be closer to the spirit, though it too is horrible

thanks for reading. If I write more of these I will not share them here, probably. all the feedback has just been pedantry about what haiku traditionally do.

It’s not pedantry at all
Haiku exists to exploit brevity and condensation as devices
Merely writing 3 lines doesn’t  do anything unless you’re able to pack a punch
So no, your attempts at haiku have so far been terrible. Nothing to do with dogma

Describing dogma and then saying "it's not dogma" is a neat trick

[busker]

thanks for reading. If I write more of these I will not share them here, probably. all the feedback has just been pedantry about what haiku traditionally do.

It’s not pedantry at all
Haiku exists to exploit brevity and condensation as devices
Merely writing 3 lines doesn’t  do anything unless you’re able to pack a punch
So no, your attempts at haiku have so far been terrible. Nothing to do with dogma

Describing dogma and then saying "it's not dogma" is a neat trick

Is this coping or trolling? I suspect it’s the latter.
Let me furthermore clarify that you can’t write haiku unless you’re Japanese and also draw a picture on rice paper to go with it 
An American haiku is like a liquid hamburger

[matsunosuperfan]

It’s not pedantry at all
Haiku exists to exploit brevity and condensation as devices
Merely writing 3 lines doesn’t  do anything unless you’re able to pack a punch
So no, your attempts at haiku have so far been terrible. Nothing to do with dogma

Describing dogma and then saying "it's not dogma" is a neat trick

Is this coping or trolling? I suspect it’s the latter.
Let me furthermore clarify that you can’t write haiku unless you’re Japanese and also draw a picture on rice paper to go with it 
An American haiku is like a liquid hamburger

Thank you . We understand each other now

[RiverNotch]

I mean, this is like complaining about getting dogpiled over your sonnets just because every one of them is twelve lines long, complaining about getting dogpiled over your sestinas because you don't repeat your six words at all, complaining about getting dogpiled over your villanelles....

Only, of course, the previous forms are all traditionally Western. Westerners of course find that they can be more flexible with haiku because it comes from a completely different, completely alien, perhaps even inhuman tradition, so of course you can treat it with less respect :eyeroll:

You could always just post your tercets and say they're not haiku, they're tercets. But your insistence in imitating a Japanese form without actually paying your duties to the Japanese conception of it is just....yikes. Like Vanilla Ice.

Haiku

When I'm sad and heavy
rain falls in the street, I smile
watching my dog run

“Sad and heavy” is the sort of abstraction that is the opposite of haiku
Rain falls in the street
My dog runs:
I smile.

Would be closer to the spirit, though it too is horrible

thanks for reading. If I write more of these I will not share them here, probably. all the feedback has just been pedantry about what haiku traditionally do.