On Skydiving

[matsunosuperfan]

On Skydiving

Every day I wake up
feeling grateful
I’m not rich

because

this means I have no risk
of dying
just because

I’m bored

[alonso ramoran]

Hey matsuno,

Astute and concise. I think you can shorten further, with the effect of punching up how some lines land---shown below.

On Skydiving

Every day I wake up
feeling grateful "feeling" can be removed here, then this line can be compressed to "grateful I'm not rich"
I’m not rich

because i think this can be omitted, with nothing lost

this means I have no risk "this means" in a poem this short leaves a bit more to be desired. it softens the line i think. i'd experiment with more punchier phrasing, maybe finding another way to bridge this clause to the previous clause
of dying
just because this line is another reason i argue for the omission of the previous line isolation of "because".

I’m bored

Nice to read you again!

[CRNDLSM]

On Skydiving

Every day I wake up
feeling grateful
I’m not rich

because

this means I have no risk
of dying
just because

I’m bored

While I like the connections of rich to bored, and bored to death, skydiving throws me off, statistically any thing can kill with a one shot, mountain climbing, skiing, scuba diving, all recreationally expensive to keep up as hobbies, you'd have to be rich to do it regularly, but I've known plenty of people I wouldn't consider rich to save up enough money for a jump (or two) and I wouldn't necessarily think they chose that out of boredom.

I'm picturing teenagers car surfing (extremely dangerous), or throwing eggs at mean ole ranchers house til he pulls out a shotgun, just reckless cheap boredom, then being rich has more resources and access to more dangerous adventures like touring the Titanic, mutating genetics, and sure skydiving regularly.

The key is the 'I's imagination of what they're capable of and what they consider risky.  Being poor is almost a death sentence itself.  Thanks for posting, lots to think about

[busker]

On Skydiving

Every day I wake up
feeling grateful
I’m not rich. …. mildly interesting setup 

because

this means I have no risk
of dying …. Clarifies the title 
just because

I’m bored … explains the first strophe 

Said no parkour athlete ever
There’s not much to critique in this. It’s a weakly argued opinion dressed up as a poem and that’s about it. Maybe that’s all it’s meant to be.

---

On Skydiving

Every day I wake up
feeling grateful
I’m not rich. …. mildly interesting setup 

because

this means I have no risk
of dying …. Clarifies the title 
just because

I’m bored … explains the first strophe 

Said no parkour athlete ever
There’s not much to critique in this. It’s a weakly argued opinion dressed up as a poem and that’s about it. Maybe that’s all it’s meant to be.

---

On Skydiving

Every day I wake up
feeling grateful
I’m not rich. …. mildly interesting setup 

because

this means I have no risk
of dying …. Clarifies the title 
just because

I’m bored … explains the first strophe 

Said no parkour athlete ever
There’s not much to critique in this. It’s a weakly argued opinion dressed up as a poem and that’s about it. Maybe that’s all it’s meant to be.