Before the Body

[matsunosuperfan]

Before the Body

A soul is nothing special. Because I sleep through any noise,
they chose me for the bunker. The doctor ran a battery of tests
to test my fortitude, plinking hammers at my knees, eavesdropping
on my blood. At first she heard a murmur, but dismissed it
as stray gas. The vestiges of sin will follow you
through every life, and yes, I do regret that hot dog
but I know my heart is stalwart. Birds approach
with tilted heads, unsure what kind of flower
I might throw around their necks. I greet them 
with my mouth held open, ready to be born.

[alonso ramoran]

Hi matsunosuperfan,

An interesting piece. I'm trying to work out the nature of the speaker, who they are, what their situation is. What I've gathered is that the speaker is in some sort of end-of-life care in a clinic/hospital and they are musing on life as they knew/know it. There are some phrases that don't ring completely clear to me, I'll clarify which ones below.

Before the Body

A soul is nothing special. Because I sleep through any noise, I like the assertiveness of this first line. reader gets immediate insight into the speaker's headspace
they chose me for the bunker. The doctor ran a battery of tests not completely sure what bunker means here. I think "a battery of tests / to test my fortitude" can be cut down to "tests / of fortitude"
to test my fortitude, plinking hammers at my knees, eavesdropping eavesdropping is novel, but I'm not completely sure what it's accomplishing beyond novelty
on my blood. At first she heard a murmur, but dismissed it
as stray gas. The vestiges of sin will follow you
through every life, and yes, I do regret that hot dog 
but I know my heart is stalwart. Birds approach These have been a nice succession of lines
with tilted heads, unsure what kind of flower Hard image to imagine. a flower thrown around a bird's neck? the skittish nature of birds aside
I might throw around their necks. I greet them 
with my mouth held open, ready to be born. This last image I can understand though. I appreciate the reference to reincarnation instead of death

Thank you for sharing!

[busker]

Before the Body

A soul is nothing special. Because I sleep through any noise,
they chose me for the bunker. The doctor ran a battery of tests
to test my fortitude, plinking hammers at my knees, eavesdropping
on my blood. At first she heard a murmur, but dismissed it
as stray gas. The vestiges of sin will follow you
through every life, and yes, I do regret that hot dog
but I know my heart is stalwart. Birds approach
with tilted heads, unsure what kind of flower
I might throw around their necks. I greet them 
with my mouth held open, ready to be born.

Oh my, this is extraordinary 
I’ll come back later with some more helpful feedback, but the last line is breathtaking

[wasellajam]

Hi, I appreciate the poem coming from a different viewpoint than the immediate conscious human experience. I'm reading it as the soul between bodies. Just a few spots that continue to elude me.

Before the Body

A soul is nothing special. Because I sleep through any noise, Strong opening statement.
they chose me for the bunker. The doctor ran a battery of tests I keep getting caught on bunker, it has led me to a pre-induction exam and early war death. This is a new thought as I again try to reconcile bunker.
to test my fortitude, plinking hammers at my knees, eavesdropping I love eavesdropping for its accuracy and distant invasiveness.
on my blood. At first she heard a murmur, but dismissed it
as stray gas. The vestiges of sin will follow you
through every life, and yes, I do regret that hot dog Fun lines, you might consider breaking on dismissed.
but I know my heart is stalwart. Birds approach
with tilted heads, unsure what kind of flower
I might throw around their necks. I greet them 
with my mouth held open, ready to be born.
I enjoy the ethereal quality of the end lines but am still pondering "held".

This poem has a great mix of grounding and floating, thanks for posting it.

[matsunosuperfan]

Hi matsunosuperfan,

An interesting piece. I'm trying to work out the nature of the speaker, who they are, what their situation is. What I've gathered is that the speaker is in some sort of end-of-life care in a clinic/hospital and they are musing on life as they knew/know it. There are some phrases that don't ring completely clear to me, I'll clarify which ones below.

Before the Body

A soul is nothing special. Because I sleep through any noise, I like the assertiveness of this first line. reader gets immediate insight into the speaker's headspace
they chose me for the bunker. The doctor ran a battery of tests not completely sure what bunker means here. I think "a battery of tests / to test my fortitude" can be cut down to "tests / of fortitude"
to test my fortitude, plinking hammers at my knees, eavesdropping eavesdropping is novel, but I'm not completely sure what it's accomplishing beyond novelty
on my blood. At first she heard a murmur, but dismissed it
as stray gas. The vestiges of sin will follow you
through every life, and yes, I do regret that hot dog 
but I know my heart is stalwart. Birds approach These have been a nice succession of lines
with tilted heads, unsure what kind of flower Hard image to imagine. a flower thrown around a bird's neck? the skittish nature of birds aside
I might throw around their necks. I greet them 
with my mouth held open, ready to be born. This last image I can understand though. I appreciate the reference to reincarnation instead of death

Thank you for sharing!

Thank you for reading! I am definitely walking the line with sense and sensibility here. I worry about losing some of the magic, such as there may be any, by leaning too expository/explanatory... but perhaps the flower figure in particular could be more precisely executed. Appreciate the feedback <3

---

Hi, I appreciate the poem coming from a different viewpoint than the immediate conscious  human experience. I'm reading it as the soul between bodies. Just a few spots that continue to elude me.

Before the Body

A soul is nothing special. Because I sleep through any noise, Strong opening statement.
they chose me for the bunker. The doctor ran a battery of tests I keep getting caught on bunker, it has led me to a pre-induction exam and early war death. This is a new thought as I again try to reconcile bunker.
to test my fortitude, plinking hammers at my knees, eavesdropping I love eavesdropping for its accuracy and distant invasiveness.
on my blood. At first she heard a murmur, but dismissed it
as stray gas. The vestiges of sin will follow you
through every life, and yes, I do regret that hot dog Fun lines, you might consider breaking on dismissed.
but I know my heart is stalwart. Birds approach
with tilted heads, unsure what kind of flower
I might throw around their necks. I greet them 
with my mouth held open, ready to be born.
I enjoy the ethereal quality of the end lines but am still pondering "held".

This poem has a great mix of grounding and floating, thanks for posting it.

Grounding and floating, definitely the intended vibe, glad to hear this is registering as such. May be one too many unconnected provocations overall... a fine line. Thank you for reading <3

---

Before the Body

A soul is nothing special. Because I sleep through any noise,
they chose me for the bunker. The doctor ran a battery of tests
to test my fortitude, plinking hammers at my knees, eavesdropping
on my blood. At first she heard a murmur, but dismissed it
as stray gas. The vestiges of sin will follow you
through every life, and yes, I do regret that hot dog
but I know my heart is stalwart. Birds approach
with tilted heads, unsure what kind of flower
I might throw around their necks. I greet them 
with my mouth held open, ready to be born.

Oh my, this is extraordinary 
I’ll come back later with some more helpful feedback, but the last line is breathtaking

You're very kind; I look forward to your further thoughts <3

[busker]

Before the Body

A soul is nothing special. … you’ve got my attention Because I sleep through any noise,
they chose me for the bunker. … the enjambment is just right  The doctor ran a battery of tests
to test my fortitude, plinking hammers at my knees, eavesdropping
on my blood. At first she heard a murmur, but dismissed it
as stray gas. …. Lovely. Why? Realism and succinctness. The vestiges of sin will follow you
through every life, and yes, I do regret that hot dog … well, they warned you about the cholesterol
but I know my heart is stalwart. … this is where I have some difficulty. The subject is dead and yet thinks that he is not? That’s not so according to the last line Birds approach
with tilted heads, unsure what kind of flower
I might throw around their necks. …she’ll be pushing up the daisies. There’s a slight confusion of the chronology. This is after being dead and buried, but the subject is still in the morgue?
 I greet them 
with my mouth held open, ready to be born. …. Again, where exactly is the narrator? The poem is a logical puzzle at this point, and not in a controlled way, but I would overlook all that for this utterly beautiful last line