Im high again

[Smiley]

My lens on reality is clear
No paranoia, no fear
Heart beating in my chest
Then go and sleep it of and rest
I see thoughts come and go
My emotions flow
I enjoy it so

[RiverNotch]

now while a piece about being high, presumably written *while* high, also being unpolished is kinda appropos....

would recommend punctuating throughout.

more importantly, "Then go and sleep it *off* and rest"

that line also suggests to me that this could be more metrical, maybe have it be firmly in iambs (so "My heart is pounding in my chest", "I see my thoughts: they come and go", etc). though this might also demand some rearranging of lines

[dukealien]

My lens on reality is clear
No paranoia, no fear
Heart beating in my chest
Then go and sleep it of and rest  "off," I think
I see thoughts come and go
My emotions flow  interesting - thoughts fluctuate, but emotions are one-way?
I enjoy it so

In basic critique, it might be entertaining to recast this as parallel rhymed couplets, but that would involve adding filler to the line in a couplet with fewer syllables (or removing from the longer line).  Frankly, though, it's a light-hearted work and the irregular line length  fits; so do the rhymes.  Which is odd, but in this case it works pretty well.

In addition to the one spelling suggestion above, you could change to "I'm" in the title.  On the other hand, a few grammar mistakes help with the mood suggested by the drug- or drink-induced "high" which is one meaning of the title.  This meaning is also supported by "sleep(ing) it of(f)."

The Legion of Decency (if they still exist) could object to the poem for that reason (drug or alcohol glamorization) , but so long as it's in fun (as this plainly is), I can't fault it.

Thanks for posting!  I've got the makings for a vodka gimlet around here somewhere...

P.S. Just noticed "lens on reality" could be through the bottom of a shot glass. Nice.

[Smiley]

My lens on reality is clear
No paranoia, no fear
Heart beating in my chest
Then go and sleep it of and rest  "off," I think
I see thoughts come and go
My emotions flow  interesting - thoughts fluctuate, but emotions are one-way?
I enjoy it so

In basic critique, it might be entertaining to recast this as parallel rhymed couplets, but that would involve adding filler to the line in a couplet with fewer syllables (or removing from the longer line).  Frankly, though, it's a light-hearted work and the irregular line length  fits; so do the rhymes.  Which is odd, but in this case it works pretty well.

In addition to the one spelling suggestion above, you could change to "I'm" in the title.  On the other hand, a few grammar mistakes help with the mood suggested by the drug- or drink-induced "high" which is one meaning of the title.  This meaning is also supported by "sleep(ing) it of(f)."

The Legion of Decency (if they still exist) could object to the poem for that reason (drug or alcohol glamorization) , but so long as it's in fun (as this plainly is), I can't fault it.

Thanks for posting!  I've got the makings for a vodka gimlet around here somewhere...

P.S.  Just noticed "lens on reality" could be through the bottom of a shot glass.  Nice.

thats funny