"Domestic cats are best brought home in pairs."
as if they didn't sleep the day away,
content to snooze while we're out on a walk,
or babysitting infants so their moms
and dads can meet their mortgage, pay the bills
and warm their house when arctic fronts converge.
Supposedly, most felines crave the company
of other cats to keep them busy and amused,
ours argue over laps and water bowls
and stalk each other at the litter box.
We hoped expanding their environment
might help relieve the stress of indoor life;
we split the deck to build a cat retreat
adjacent to the lakeside sliding doors.
We stapled hardware cloth to cedar frames,
attached the fiberglass with roofing screws
and weatherproofed the swinging catdoor flap.
Now snow accumulates around the edge
and coats the slatted upper lookout shelves,
they're not deterred by single digit temps
and gallop out to make their great escape.
Winter Clowder
Domesticcats are best brought home in pairs
as if they didn't sleep the day away,
content while we're at work or on a walk,
or babysitting infants so their moms
and dads can meet the mortgage, pay the tax
and warm the house when arctic fronts converge.
Supposedly most felines crave the company
of other cats to keep them busy and amused,
ours argue over laps and water bowls
and stalk each other at the litter box.
We hoped expanding their environment
might help relieve the stress of indoor life;
we split the deck to build a cat retreat
adjacent to the lakeside sliding doors.
We stapled hardware cloth to cedar frames,
attached the fiberglass with roofing screws
and weatherproofed the swinging catdoor flap.
Now snow accumulates around the edge
and coats the slatted upper lookout shelves,
they're not deterred by single digit temps
and gallop out to make their great escape.
(light edit this morning either to smooth the bumps or make more)
Domesticcats are best brought home in pairs not sure why this line is italicized
as if they didn't sleep the day away, maybe 'don't'
content while we're at work or on a walk,
or babysitting infants so their moms
and dads can meet the mortgage, pay the tax 'pay the tax' seems a little forced to hit the meter. I like the little resonance with 'laps' and 'box' later.
and warm the house when arctic fronts converge.
Supposedly most felines crave the company maybe a comma after 'supposedly'
of other cats to keep them busy and amused,
ours argue over laps and water bowls
and stalk each other at the litter box.
We hoped expanding their environment
might help relieve the stress of indoor life;
we split the deck to build a cat retreat
adjacent to the lakeside sliding doors.
We stapled hardware cloth to cedar frames,
attached the fiberglass with roofing screws
and weatherproofed the swinging catdoor flap.
Now snow accumulates around the edge
and coats the slatted upper lookout shelves,
they're not deterred by single digit temps
and gallop out to make their great escape. your cats are braver than mine. Haven't been able to get mine outside since it snowed and temps plummeted.
(light edit this morning either to smooth the bumps or make more)
Good morning,
How can you go wrong with cats, right? I enjoyed waking up to this over my morning coffee. I read the earlier version and like the changes you made, though I'm sure I'm not remembering all of them! I am not good at all in assessing meter, so I will leave that to others, but I think it's close. I don't have a lot of changes to suggest in its current form. It's a matter of taste, I think, but for me it leans to the prosaic side a little too much. Adding in some metaphor or simile might liven it up some. I would also play with it in free verse or at least broken up some to offer more options for layered meanings.
Thanks for the read,
Bryn
PS forgot to mention that I like the title. Had to look up Chowder!
Domesticcats are best brought home in pairs not sure why this line is italicized
as if they didn't sleep the day away, maybe 'don't'
content while we're at work or on a walk,
or babysitting infants so their moms
and dads can meet the mortgage, pay the tax 'pay the tax' seems a little forced to hit the meter. I like the little resonance with 'laps' and 'box' later.
and warm the house when arctic fronts converge.
Supposedly most felines crave the company maybe a comma after 'supposedly'
of other cats to keep them busy and amused,
ours argue over laps and water bowls
and stalk each other at the litter box.
We hoped expanding their environment
might help relieve the stress of indoor life;
we split the deck to build a cat retreat
adjacent to the lakeside sliding doors.
We stapled hardware cloth to cedar frames,
attached the fiberglass with roofing screws
and weatherproofed the swinging catdoor flap.
Now snow accumulates around the edge
and coats the slatted upper lookout shelves,
they're not deterred by single digit temps
and gallop out to make their great escape. your cats are braver than mine. Haven't been able to get mine outside since it snowed and temps plummeted.
(light edit this morning either to smooth the bumps or make more)
Good morning,
How can you go wrong with cats, right? I enjoyed waking up to this over my morning coffee. I read the earlier version and like the changes youmade, though I'm sure I'm not remembering all of them! I am not good at all in assessing meter, so I will leave that to others, but I think it's close. I don't have a lot of changes to suggest in its current form. It's a matter of taste, I think, but for me it leans to the prosaic side a little too much. Adding in some metaphor or simile might liven it up some. I would also play with it in free verse or at least broken up some to offer more options for layered meanings.
Thanks for the read,
Bryn
PS forgot to mention that I like the title. Had to look up Chowder!
Hi, thanks so much!
L1 first started with They say, then I tried quotes then italics, I'll work on it.
Agree pay the tax falls flat, maybe taxes, maybe scrap it, thanks.
Yes, I may be writing prosaic cat poems until the pen cries Uncle!
Really appreciate your time.
Domesticcats are best brought home in pairs not sure why this line is italicized
as if they didn't sleep the day away, maybe 'don't'
content while we're at work or on a walk,
or babysitting infants so their moms
and dads can meet the mortgage, pay the tax 'pay the tax' seems a little forced to hit the meter. I like the little resonance with 'laps' and 'box' later.
and warm the house when arctic fronts converge.
Supposedly most felines crave the company maybe a comma after 'supposedly'
of other cats to keep them busy and amused,
ours argue over laps and water bowls
and stalk each other at the litter box.
We hoped expanding their environment
might help relieve the stress of indoor life;
we split the deck to build a cat retreat
adjacent to the lakeside sliding doors.
We stapled hardware cloth to cedar frames,
attached the fiberglass with roofing screws
and weatherproofed the swinging catdoor flap.
Now snow accumulates around the edge
and coats the slatted upper lookout shelves,
they're not deterred by single digit temps
and gallop out to make their great escape. your cats are braver than mine. Haven't been able to get mine outside since it snowed and temps plummeted.
(light edit this morning either to smooth the bumps or make more)
Good morning,
How can you go wrong with cats, right? I enjoyed waking up to this over my morning coffee. I read the earlier version and like the changes youmade, though I'm sure I'm not remembering all of them! I am not good at all in assessing meter, so I will leave that to others, but I think it's close. I don't have a lot of changes to suggest in its current form. It's a matter of taste, I think, but for me it leans to the prosaic side a little too much. Adding in some metaphor or simile might liven it up some. I would also play with it in free verse or at least broken up some to offer more options for layered meanings.
Thanks for the read,
Bryn
PS forgot to mention that I like the title. Had to look up Chowder!
Hi, thanks so much!
L1 first started with They say, then I tried quotes then italics, I'll work on it.
Agree pay the tax falls flat, maybe taxes, maybe scrap it, thanks.
Yes, I may be writing prosaic cat poems until the pen cries Uncle!
Really appreciate your time.
Will be swinging by later with more comments after a few more reads but I wanted to note:
I didn't know anyone was speaking before you switched to quote which made me think - why not just: the say domestic cats are best brought home in pairs. Ahh - too many feet. Still, is domestic really pulling its weight here? Would we otherwise assume you are bringing home wild cats? How about: They say that cats are best brought home in pairs?
(01-30-2026, 12:45 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote: Good morning,
How can you go wrong with cats, right? I enjoyed waking up to this over my morning coffee. I read the earlier version and like the changes youmade, though I'm sure I'm not remembering all of them! I am not good at all in assessing meter, so I will leave that to others, but I think it's close. I don't have a lot of changes to suggest in its current form. It's a matter of taste, I think, but for me it leans to the prosaic side a little too much. Adding in some metaphor or simile might liven it up some. I would also play with it in free verse or at least broken up some to offer more options for layered meanings.
Thanks for the read,
Bryn
PS forgot to mention that I like the title. Had to look up Chowder!
Hi, thanks so much!
L1 first started with They say, then I tried quotes then italics, I'll work on it.
Agree pay the tax falls flat, maybe taxes, maybe scrap it, thanks.
Yes, I may be writing prosaic cat poems until the pen cries Uncle!
Really appreciate your time.
Will be swinging by later with more comments after a few more reads but I wanted to note:
I didn't know anyone was speaking before you switched to quote which made me think - why not just: the say domestic cats are best brought home in pairs. Ahh - too many feet. Still, is domestic really pulling its weight here? Would we otherwise assume you are bringing home wild cats? How about: They say that cats are best brought home in pairs?
Ha, I originally had that 6 feet and cut it down. When I find a word I like in IP I often hold on to it unreasonably. And then there's the who are they issue. I'll think of something. Thanks for stopping in, no rush.
I have read this several times, it is a pleasant read. My main complaint, if I had one, would be that the overall it is a vignette more than an anecdote if you will and I don't know if it would fit scrawled along a vine.
The title is great! I was unfamiliar with the word but the diction is great along with the (possible) insinuation that you are also part of the clowder. If that is the case, i feel like it could be strengthened but if not, no bother.
so, I think I complained about "domestic" earlier but I might be coming around. It is just the sort of fussy thing a volunteer at the local pet shelter would say.
Quote:as if they didn't sleep the day away,
content to snooze while we're out on a walk,
or babysitting infants so their moms
and dads can meet their mortgage, pay the bills
and warm their house when arctic fronts converge.
I have a minor quibble with the conditional set up by "as if". I am guessing it is like saying "1 or 2 - doesn't really matter, they will be sleeping either way" but I wonder if the rest of the poem proves that false. The rest is fine for me
Quote:Supposedly, most felines crave the company
of other cats to keep them busy and amused,
ours argue over laps and water bowls
and stalk each other at the litter box.
so hear is the narration that disproves what the cat seller says which is all fine
Quote:We hoped expanding their environment
might help relieve the stress of indoor life;
we split the deck to build a cat retreat
adjacent to the lakeside sliding doors.
some might complain on the over dedication of words to scene setting but the imabics are pleasant enough that it slips right by
Quote:We stapled hardware cloth to cedar frames,
attached the fiberglass with roofing screws
and weatherproofed the swinging catdoor flap.
Now snow accumulates around the edge
and coats the slatted upper lookout shelves,
they're not deterred by single digit temps
and gallop out to make their great escape.
So, for this much verbiage, is the payoff worth it. I feel like you setup this narrative friction - this tension between what the cat vendor said and the reality and it just isn't ever realized in the point of the poem
Thank you for posting, a pleasure to read.
Winter Clowder
Domesticcats are best brought home in pairs
as if they didn't sleep the day away,
content while we're at work or on a walk,
or babysitting infants so their moms
and dads can meet the mortgage, pay the tax
and warm the house when arctic fronts converge.
Supposedly most felines crave the company
of other cats to keep them busy and amused,
ours argue over laps and water bowls
and stalk each other at the litter box.
We hoped expanding their environment
might help relieve the stress of indoor life;
we split the deck to build a cat retreat
adjacent to the lakeside sliding doors.
We stapled hardware cloth to cedar frames,
attached the fiberglass with roofing screws
and weatherproofed the swinging catdoor flap.
Now snow accumulates around the edge
and coats the slatted upper lookout shelves,
they're not deterred by single digit temps
and gallop out to make their great escape.
(light edit this morning either to smooth the bumps or make more)
