One shot of Narcan may not be enough
but two or three might do the magic trick,
administered by cops or fam or friends.
Ohio's welcome center has a box
inserted in the lobby wall that's marked
"Find overdose materials inside."
New laws relieve the fear of getting caught,
for 911 reports of overdose
there are no charges, everybody walks.
A father left alone to raise his girls
takes home a bit to ease his nightly blues.
His solitary habit laid him out,
now two more babes are left to grandma's care.
To live another day with fentanyl
it's best at least to somewhat socialize.
Fentanyl with Friends (edit 2-- ray, milo)
One shot of Narcan may not be enough
but two or three might do the magic trick,
administered by cops or fam or friends.
Ohio's welcome center has a box
inserted in the lobby wall that's marked
"Find overdose materials inside."
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 report of overdose;
there are no charges, everybody walks.
A father left alone to raise his girls
takes home a bit to ease his nightly blues.
His solitary habit laid him out,
now two more babes are left to family.
To live another day with fentanyl
it's best at least to somewhat socialize.
Fentanyl with Friends (edit #1.1)
One shot of Narcan may not be enough
but two or three might do the magic trick,
administered by cops or fam or friends.
Ohio's welcome center has a box
inserted in the lobby wall that's marked
"Find overdose materials inside."
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the call to 911, charges dropped for drug
offense when calling in an overdose.
A father left alone to raise his girls
takes home a bit to ease his nightly blues.
His solitary habit laid him out,
now two more babes are left to family.
To live another day with fentanyl
it's best at least to somewhat socialize.
Fentanyl With Friends (after dukealien's Good News, But Cold)
One shot of Narcan may not be enough
but two or three might do the magic trick,
administered by cops or fam or friends.
Ohio's welcome center has a box
inserted in the lobby wall that says
"Find overdose materials inside."
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 call, no ones's charged with any drug
offense when calling in an overdose.
A father left alone to raise his girls
takes home a bit to drift off before bed.
His solitary habit did him in,
now two more babes are left to family.
To live another day with fentanyl
it's best at least to somewhat socialize.
(any and all crit is gratefully encouraged), previous versions in the ps
(01-15-2026, 10:29 PM)wasellajam Wrote: Fentanyl With Friends (after Busker's Good News, But Cold)
One shot of Narcan may not be enough
but two or three might do the magic trick,
administered by cops or fam or friends.
Ohio's welcome center has a box
inserted in the lobby wall that says
"Find overdose materials inside."
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 call, no ones's charged with any drug
offense when calling in an overdose.
A father left alone to raise his girls
takes home a bit to drift off before bed.
His solitary habit did him in,
now two more babes are left to family.
To live another day with fentanyl
it's best at least to somewhat socialize.
I know it is in miscellaneous but, I really like this!
Specifically, the details that work as bridge metaphors, the line breaks are solid (love the one on box).
Couple hiccups on meter but overall - excellent. Simply drawn, no judgement, tells a story, leads the reader, non preachy
So many things about it I adore!
Oh, and the title!!!
(01-15-2026, 10:29 PM)wasellajam Wrote: Fentanyl With Friends (after dukealien's Good News, But Cold)
One shot of Narcan may not be enough
but two or three might do the magic trick,
administered by cops or fam or friends.
Ohio's welcome center has a box
inserted in the lobby wall that says
"Find overdose materials inside."
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 call, no ones's charged with any drug
offense when calling in an overdose.
A father left alone to raise his girls
takes home a bit to drift off before bed.
His solitary habit did him in,
now two more babes are left to family.
To live another day with fentanyl
it's best at least to somewhat socialize.
(any and all crit is gratefully encouraged)
Quote:Of course crit always welcomed, I'll edit the OP. I may have written a poem today!
Big oops also, credited busker instead of dukealien, fixed, sorry duke.
No prob, honored to be mistook for @Busker
Yours is well done, more heart. A little sketchy for blank verse in spots, but political-adjacent subjects seem to call for free verse anyway.
Woke up with ideas for my rondeau, somewhat seized of it. Will post to a crit forum when ready; don't hold breath.
(01-15-2026, 10:29 PM)wasellajam Wrote: Fentanyl With Friends (after dukealien's Good News, But Cold)
One shot of Narcan may not be enough
but two or three might do the magic trick,
administered by cops or fam or friends.
Ohio's welcome center has a box
inserted in the lobby wall that says
"Find overdose materials inside."
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 call, no ones's charged with any drug
offense when calling in an overdose.
A father left alone to raise his girls
takes home a bit to drift off before bed.
His solitary habit did him in,
now two more babes are left to family.
To live another day with fentanyl
it's best at least to somewhat socialize.
(any and all crit is gratefully encouraged)
Quote:Of course crit always welcomed, I'll edit the OP. I may have written a poem today!
Big oops also, credited busker instead of dukealien, fixed, sorry duke.
No prob, honored to be mistook for @Busker
Yours is well done, more heart. A little sketchy for blank verse in spots, but political-adjacent subjects seem to call for free verse anyway.
Woke up with ideas for my rondeau, somewhat seized of it. Will post to a crit forum when ready; don't hold breath.
more power to you, I haven't even started rhyme yet. Looking forward to it. Oh, and when you need a break feel free to poke at what was intended as Blank.
(01-15-2026, 10:29 PM)wasellajam Wrote: Fentanyl With Friends (after dukealien's Good News, But Cold)
One shot of Narcan may not be enough
but two or three might do the magic trick,
administered by cops or fam or friends.
Ohio's welcome center has a box
inserted in the lobby wall that says
"Find overdose materials inside."
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 call, no ones's charged with any drug
offense when calling in an overdose.
A father left alone to raise his girls
takes home a bit to drift off before bed.
His solitary habit did him in,
now two more babes are left to family.
To live another day with fentanyl
it's best at least to somewhat socialize.
(any and all crit is gratefully encouraged)
I didn’t see the end coming. Hey, there’s irony right there.
It’s brilliant, sardonic humour.
Also liked the clinic flyer. Whoever wrote it was having a laugh.
(01-15-2026, 10:29 PM)wasellajam Wrote: Fentanyl With Friends (after dukealien's Good News, But Cold)
One shot of Narcan may not be enough
but two or three might do the magic trick,
administered by cops or fam or friends.
Ohio's welcome center has a box
inserted in the lobby wall that says
"Find overdose materials inside."
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 call, no ones's charged with any drug
offense when calling in an overdose.
A father left alone to raise his girls
takes home a bit to drift off before bed.
His solitary habit did him in,
now two more babes are left to family.
To live another day with fentanyl
it's best at least to somewhat socialize.
(any and all crit is gratefully encouraged)
I didn’t see the end coming. Hey, there’s irony right there.
It’s brilliant, sardonic humour.
Also liked the clinic flyer. Whoever wrote it was having a laugh.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting. That box exists, I don’t remember exactly what it says but that’s pretty close.
(01-15-2026, 10:29 PM)wasellajam Wrote: Fentanyl With Friends (after dukealien's Good News, But Cold)
One shot of Narcan may not be enough
but two or three might do the magic trick,
administered by cops or fam or friends.
Ohio's welcome center has a box
inserted in the lobby wall that says
"Find overdose materials inside."
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 call, no ones's charged with any drug
offense when calling in an overdose.
A father left alone to raise his girls
takes home a bit to drift off before bed.
His solitary habit did him in,
now two more babes are left to family.
To live another day with fentanyl
it's best at least to somewhat socialize.
(any and all crit is gratefully encouraged)
The neutral voice is what puts this over for me. Excellent.
"Find overdose materials inside." is like labeling an AED station
"Heart assistance device inside." Someone is trying so hard to be discrete.
The signs I've seen say "Emergency Overdose / Naloxone Station" and have a big red cross.
I think they should use the brand name NARCAN as that's the most well-known term.
P.S.
L7 "decriminalize" isn't strict pentameter but falls within acceptable use
L8 mine field, good luck with this line
L11 "before" is often my nemesis
all this useless beauty... but what the hell, why not?
(01-15-2026, 10:29 PM)wasellajam Wrote: Fentanyl With Friends (after dukealien's Good News, But Cold)
One shot of Narcan may not be enough
but two or three might do the magic trick,
administered by cops or fam or friends.
Ohio's welcome center has a box
inserted in the lobby wall that says
"Find overdose materials inside."
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 call, no ones's charged with any drug
offense when calling in an overdose.
A father left alone to raise his girls
takes home a bit to drift off before bed.
His solitary habit did him in,
now two more babes are left to family.
To live another day with fentanyl
it's best at least to somewhat socialize.
(any and all crit is gratefully encouraged)
The neutral voice is what puts this over for me. Excellent.
"Find overdose materials inside." is like labeling an AED station
"Heart assistance device inside." Someone is trying so hard to be discrete.
The signs I've seen say "Emergency Overdose / Naloxone Station" and have a big red cross.
I think they should use the brand name NARCAN as that's the most well-known term.
P.S.
L7 "decriminalize" isn't strict pentameter but falls within acceptable use
L8 mine field, good luck with this line
L11 "before" is often my nemesis
Thanks so much, ray. L11 I’m sure I can fix. Do you think I can keep NINEoneONE if the rest of the line was improved? Or is it NINEoneone absolutely? Damn abacus around my neck.
(01-15-2026, 10:29 PM)wasellajam Wrote: Fentanyl With Friends (after dukealien's Good News, But Cold)
One shot of Narcan may not be enough
but two or three might do the magic trick,
administered by cops or fam or friends.
Ohio's welcome center has a box
inserted in the lobby wall that says
"Find overdose materials inside."
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 call, no ones's charged with any drug
offense when calling in an overdose.
A father left alone to raise his girls
takes home a bit to drift off before bed.
His solitary habit did him in,
now two more babes are left to family.
To live another day with fentanyl
it's best at least to somewhat socialize.
(any and all crit is gratefully encouraged)
The neutral voice is what puts this over for me. Excellent.
"Find overdose materials inside." is like labeling an AED station
"Heart assistance device inside." Someone is trying so hard to be discrete.
The signs I've seen say "Emergency Overdose / Naloxone Station" and have a big red cross.
I think they should use the brand name NARCAN as that's the most well-known term.
P.S.
L7 "decriminalize" isn't strict pentameter but falls within acceptable use
L8 mine field, good luck with this line
L11 "before" is often my nemesis
Thanks so much, ray. L11 I’m sure I can fix. Do you think I can keep NINEoneONE if the rest of the line was improved? Or is it NINEoneone absolutely? Damn abacus around my neck.
911 call is trochaic/iamb substitution which is perfectly acceptable as long as the rest of your line is iambic . . .
(01-17-2026, 08:32 AM)rayheinrich Wrote: The neutral voice is what puts this over for me. Excellent.
"Find overdose materials inside." is like labeling an AED station
"Heart assistance device inside." Someone is trying so hard to be discrete.
The signs I've seen say "Emergency Overdose / Naloxone Station" and have a big red cross.
I think they should use the brand name NARCAN as that's the most well-known term.
P.S.
L7 "decriminalize" isn't strict pentameter but falls within acceptable use
L8 mine field, good luck with this line
L11 "before" is often my nemesis
Thanks so much, ray. L11 I’m sure I can fix. Do you think I can keep NINEoneONE if the rest of the line was improved? Or is it NINEoneone absolutely? Damn abacus around my neck.
911 call is trochaic/iamb substitution which is perfectly acceptable as long as the rest of your line is iambic . . .
Thanks, milo, I can work on the rest.
Edit up, hope it's an improvement.
(01-20-2026, 01:35 AM)wasellajam Wrote: Milo has tried to help in PM but I can't follow it there, let's try here.
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the call to 911, charges dropped for drug
offense when calling in an overdose
I'm saying:
Our LAWS/ were CHANGED,/ they NOW/ deCRIM/inalIZE/
the CALL/ to NINE/oneone, CHAR/ges DROPPED/ for DRUG/
ofFENSE/ when CALL/ing IN/ an OV/er DOSE./
Calling milo, where am I off? (or anyone else who wants to take a swing.)
say 9-1 -1 a few times, the second 1 definitely gets an accent everytime I have ever heard it. you also have a predominant meter of IP so a reader will always start reading it as IP which the first 3 feet do
That gives us:
theCALL toNINE oneONE CHARGes DROPPEDfor DRUG
The last syllable is called catalexis and it's common enough so - unless I am missing something, it is 6 feet
i realized after reading a few times that you were elliding over decriminalize so it is deCRIM nalLIZE and I can say that fine after a little practice.
Also, I think it might be better dropping "for drug" - the reader knows it is for drug. Of course, now I am thinking about it too much because I am wondering, "are the charges dropped? Or are they just not charged"
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 call, no ones's charged with any drug
offense when calling in an overdose.
Happy not to mess with decriminalize, thanks for the 911, I'll rework those lines. Much appreciated.
(01-20-2026, 01:48 AM)milo Wrote:
(01-20-2026, 01:35 AM)wasellajam Wrote: Milo has tried to help in PM but I can't follow it there, let's try here.
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the call to 911, charges dropped for drug
offense when calling in an overdose
I'm saying:
Our LAWS/ were CHANGED,/ they NOW/ deCRIM/inalIZE/
the CALL/ to NINE/oneone, CHAR/ges DROPPED/ for DRUG/
ofFENSE/ when CALL/ing IN/ an OV/er DOSE./
Calling milo, where am I off? (or anyone else who wants to take a swing.)
say 9-1 -1 a few times, the second 1 definitely gets an accent everytime I have ever heard it. you also have a predominant meter of IP so a reader will always start reading it as IP which the first 3 feet do
That gives us:
theCALL toNINE oneONE CHARGes DROPPEDfor DRUG
The last syllable is called catalexis and it's common enough so - unless I am missing something, it is 6 feet
i realized after reading a few times that you were elliding over decriminalize so it is deCRIM nalLIZE and I can say that fine after a little practice.
Also, I think it might be better dropping "for drug" - the reader knows it is for drug. Of course, now I am thinking about it too much because I am wondering, "are the charges dropped? Or are they just not charged"
Oh well, I am confident you will sort it out
How does this look?
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 report of overdose; (or: emergency reports of overdose)
there are no charges, everybody walks.
(01-20-2026, 02:10 AM)wasellajam Wrote: lol, you are corrects on offenses, the original:
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 call, no ones's charged with any drug
offense when calling in an overdose.
Happy not to mess with decriminalize, thanks for the 911, I'll rework those lines. Much appreciated.
(01-20-2026, 01:48 AM)milo Wrote:
(01-20-2026, 01:35 AM)wasellajam Wrote: Milo has tried to help in PM but I can't follow it there, let's try here.
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the call to 911, charges dropped for drug
offense when calling in an overdose
I'm saying:
Our LAWS/ were CHANGED,/ they NOW/ deCRIM/inalIZE/
the CALL/ to NINE/oneone, CHAR/ges DROPPED/ for DRUG/
ofFENSE/ when CALL/ing IN/ an OV/er DOSE./
Calling milo, where am I off? (or anyone else who wants to take a swing.)
say 9-1 -1 a few times, the second 1 definitely gets an accent everytime I have ever heard it. you also have a predominant meter of IP so a reader will always start reading it as IP which the first 3 feet do
That gives us:
theCALL toNINE oneONE CHARGes DROPPEDfor DRUG
The last syllable is called catalexis and it's common enough so - unless I am missing something, it is 6 feet
i realized after reading a few times that you were elliding over decriminalize so it is deCRIM nalLIZE and I can say that fine after a little practice.
Also, I think it might be better dropping "for drug" - the reader knows it is for drug. Of course, now I am thinking about it too much because I am wondering, "are the charges dropped? Or are they just not charged"
Oh well, I am confident you will sort it out
How does this look?
Our laws were changed, they now decriminalize
the 911 report of overdose; (or: emergency reports of overdose)
there are no charges, everybody walks.
well, it's perfect IP with both possibilities. I think the 911 is more interesting and communicates more - your reader understands the situation with 911 while emergency has the benefit of the reader not having to translate number into words as they read but could be an emergency call to your mom.
I went to sleep hating "decriminalize". It trips me up every time.
Proper or not, I'd love the poem more if you got rid of it.
Please, you gotta find another way to tell us it's not a crime anymore.
all this useless beauty... but what the hell, why not?
(01-20-2026, 05:52 AM)rayheinrich Wrote: I went to sleep hating "decriminalize". It trips me up every time.
Proper or not, I'd love the poem more if you got rid of it.
Please, you gotta find another way to tell us it's not a crime anymore.
(01-20-2026, 05:52 AM)rayheinrich Wrote: I went to sleep hating "decriminalize". It trips me up every time.
Proper or not, I'd love the poem more if you got rid of it.
Please, you gotta find another way to tell us it's not a crime anymore.
I would also prefer this if possible
How could I refuse? Give me a bit.
Okay, you guys, fix is up
(01-15-2026, 10:29 PM)wasellajam Wrote: Fentanyl with Friends (edit 2.5, ray and milo)
One shot of Narcan may not be enough
but two or three might do the magic trick,
administered by cops or fam or friends.
Ohio's welcome center has a box
inserted in the lobby wall that's marked
"Find overdose materials inside."
New laws relieve the fear getting caught,
for 911 reports of overdose
there are no charges, everybody walks.
A father left alone to raise his girls
takes home a bit to ease his nightly blues.
His solitary habit laid him out,
now two more babes are left to family.
To live another day with fentanyl
it's best at least to somewhat socialize.
(any and all crit is gratefully encouraged), previous versions in the ps
This is definitely an improvement over versions with "decriminalize" - and I apologize for pointing out the obvious.
but New laws relieve the fear getting caught,
breaks, in my opinion unnecessarily, your otherwise consistent IP. Almost a typo? The easiest fix would be
New laws relieve the fear of getting caught,
but I'd suggest something like
New laws annul all fear of getting caught
or perhaps 'their' in place of 'all' . It's an important line. Or "prosecution" in place of "getting caught," accepting the extra syllable.
more power to you, I haven't even started rhyme yet. Looking forward to it. Oh, and when you need a break feel free to poke at what was intended as Blank.
