Stigma

[Bunx]

Stigma 

Stepping in the ring
a cage with no fighters.
Eyes focus upon him
witnesses to his Fates. 

Heavy emotions flare 
past blurs with present
giving reasons to fight.
Bell rings,

rope cuts his skin.
Pain reveals every wrong
that's been done to him.

Furious he yells, restless
he swings. As if he was born
to fight unseen enemies.

Fallen bruised, beaten.
Hurting himself just to feel,
until his movements
aren't his anymore.

Endlessly devastating this
match would be, leaving
the warrior with nothing.

He fights his own reflection
that looks back in the mirror.
A man that's never enough
destined to find meaning in loss.

[milo]

I imagine you are posting this in miscellaneous because you are not looking for feedback?

[Bunx]

I appreciate feedback! I feel like I often post in miscellaneous because my intentions when I start writing are vague at best. Starting with a loose idea. I think the poem is worth tinkering with and work shopping. I started off trying to make a metaphor for stigma that is not super black and white.

[milo]

I appreciate feedback! I feel like I often post in miscellaneous because my intentions when I start writing are vague at best. Starting with a loose idea. I think the poem is worth tinkering with and work shopping. I started off trying to make a metaphor for stigma that is not super black and white.

So, I think the metaphor is pretty well-drawn on the one side of the equation.  Every metaphor has 2 sides and I don't know if it is as well-drawn:

I see the boxer  - I think you have done a good job drawing out the boxer's journey here.  Are there other places in the poem or wording you could be using to point back to stigma?

Just some thoughts.

Thanks

[wasellajam]

Hi, Bunx!

I enjoyed reading this, must have a masochistic bent. What I find so interesting is that even so entrenched in pain, unable to release old pain which just amplifies current pain, the N comes to a universal conclusion:

"A man that's never enough
destined to find meaning in loss."

I think this is the human state for all of us. Regardless of how we handle it, it's the predicament we're all in. Thanks for posting.

[Dimitryet]

Charismatic, battle-ready, searching for .....?

[Bunx]

Ella welcome back!! I often find that when I write about mental health in this case stigma related to mental health (in this case psychosis) they have universal themes. The idea of an internal and external battle paralleled. The battle with himself being internal stigma, the Fates and societal stigma being the watching eyes. As if people with psychosis are destined to know failure on at least some level. Thanks for the read and welcome back. Living through psychosis and recovery I feel like the fight with internal stigma last far longer than the psychosis.

[Bunx]

I appreciate feedback! I feel like I often post in miscellaneous because my intentions when I start writing are vague at best. Starting with a loose idea. I think the poem is worth tinkering with and work shopping. I started off trying to make a metaphor for stigma that is not super black and white.

So, I think the metaphor is pretty well-drawn on the one side of the equation.  Every metaphor has 2 sides and I don't know if it is as well-drawn:

I see the boxer  - I think you have done a good job drawing out the boxer's journey here.  Are there other places in the poem or wording you could be using to point back to stigma?

Just some thoughts.

Thanks

I've been playing with the idea of doing a part two of the poem that is a little more literal hopefully paralleled with the metaphor original poem. Just an idea

[milo]

I appreciate feedback! I feel like I often post in miscellaneous because my intentions when I start writing are vague at best. Starting with a loose idea. I think the poem is worth tinkering with and work shopping. I started off trying to make a metaphor for stigma that is not super black and white.

So, I think the metaphor is pretty well-drawn on the one side of the equation.  Every metaphor has 2 sides and I don't know if it is as well-drawn:

I see the boxer  - I think you have done a good job drawing out the boxer's journey here.  Are there other places in the poem or wording you could be using to point back to stigma?

Just some thoughts.

Thanks

I've been playing with the idea of doing a part two of the poem that is a little more literal hopefully paralleled with the metaphor original poem. Just an idea

I think that is a fantastic idea