Sonnet challenge crndlsm, mostly Holy, cryptcreeper

[CRNDLSM]

It occurs to me that I started this messed up by using the first lines instead of the last, perhaps we can settle on a rhyme scheme for the last sonnet since we've meandered a bit already, its early enough we can make changes without too much damage. ABACBC DEDFEF GG?

[Mostly Holy]

Oh I thought we were using the last lines, plus the first line of the first poem? Altho that adds up to 15 lines I guess, so many we can just use the last lines:

Mirages of life to glimpse as a ghost;
History hums but I like now the best.
Each of us living lives no king can boast,
This will be grand when it all goes to plan*.

So we need to change either my end line or yours. Perhaps yours could be "You'll hear the drums thunder all through the west / We'll rise to the mark when put to the test", or mine to something like "I frame the shot, his shadow where I stand; / History hums, but I like now, not then" (idk, these are just placeholder ideas), altho then Cryptkeeper will have to change his opening stanza

[CRNDLSM]

You will hear the drums thunder under breast
We can't change whats passed, we're cursed if not blessed

Mirages of life to glimpse as a ghost;
History hums but I like now the best.
Each of us living lives no king can boast,
We can't change what's passed, we're cursed if not blessed

[TheCryptCreeper]

Hey both, I have my second submission ready!
--

-- Original Version --

“We can't change what’s passed, we're cursed if not blessed”,
Spelled out in perfect script, below the art.
My jaw is clenched as rubies cut through my chest,
And gemstones gleam from my body in parts.

A cruel claymore glints in a scene so bright,
In spotlight’s glow, a sharp and violent streak.
Attached to righteous knight, clad in white light,
As sapphire tears stain my radiant cheek.

I am one trophy in a hall of grand
Meaningful events to commemorate.
In the victor’s painted window I stand,
Above the words to celebrate my fate.

Frozen in pane, by me the long years pass.
My last moment in pain, a King of glass.
--

Mirages of life to glimpse as a ghost
History hums, but I like now the best.
Each of us living lives, no "King" can boast
We can't change whats passed, we're cursed if not blessed

My last moment in pain, a King of glass.

--

Fine work so-far guys, let's keep it up!!

Edit: Looks like I didn't see the discussions on the second page lol; I thought the idea was to do ABAB CDCD EFEF GG for the final sonnet
Edit 2: Holy has asked for some changes to the final line to better fit the final sonnet with her next sonnet so I have made some changes:
-- Revised Version --

“We can't change what’s passed, we're cursed if not blessed”,
Spelled out in perfect script underneath art.
Fractured rubies spilling out from my chest,
Gemstones gleam from my corrupt impaled heart.

The cruel claymore glints in a scene so bright,
In spotlight’s glow, a sharp and violent streak.
In hands of righteous knight, clad in white light,
A sapphire tear stains my reflective cheek.

My emerald eyes fall upon the land,
To be claimed by another was its fate,
My gaze glazed over in window so grand,
Above a small quote to commemorate—

My fragile reign of a Kingdom of glass,
All that remains are fragments of the past.
--
Mirages of life to glimpse as a ghost
History hums, but I like now the best.
Each of us living lives, no "King" can boast
We can't change whats passed, we're cursed if not blessed

All that remains are fragments of the past.

[Mostly Holy]

"Kings of Glass"

In his last moment in pain, a king of glass
will shatter at the whisper he is wrong.
Martyred by a question, he sighs his last,
his sulking silence louder than a gong.

He boasts his strength and skill will never lack
while shouting over those more wise than he.
He delegates the tasks he won't attack,
and counts his presence as his industry.

He does the least, yet hungers for the praise;
Demands support while offering up none.
He rages when the world denies his claims,
and treats every "no" like a loaded gun.

Kingdoms rise and fall, the truth beneath is plain:
The crown of man is brittleness and blame.

---

AAAH I did not have internet the past couple of days so I wrote one based on your old last line ::joy::

I will try to fix it later, altho the meaning is totally different and I had to write my whole poem around the old opening line because it was so bizarre ::joy::

[CRNDLSM]

The crown of man is brittleness and blame 
Passed down through blood,  genetically or shed
For some lineages those are the same
as accidents on purpose wind up dead
When does the madness begin to set in?
Mysteries surround how the first born died,
The head chef put to death for the poison
Naivety dismissed his patricide 
One adolescents sick lust for power
His mother, afraid, submits to orders
Dissenters being locked in the tower
Praying to their lord to end his torture
A spell, a savior, a change of heart fast
Now is the time for truth and love to last





Mirages of life to glimpse as a ghost
History hums, but I like now the best.
Each of us living lives, no "King" can boast
We can't change whats passed, we're cursed if not blessed

All that remains are fragments of the past
The crown of man is brittleness and blame
Now is the time for truth and love to last

---

I think its cryptcreeper next for the second halfish here?

[CRNDLSM]

I would like to propose a method of editing giving the nature of our creative process here. This is a poetry workshopping forum so I feel its only right to improve it once we've reached the end.

Seeing as how the last sonnet is made up of fragments from each of our works, I suggest we each rewrite our own version of the final sonnet (preferably using the same rhymes and format) that way we can each be influenced by each other's vision. Then, we rewrite each line in order one at a time to make sure it flows like a sonnet, with the rhymes and volta. Then, we each go back amd edit our individual poems to match to revisions. Then, we submit the final product to the miscellaneous forum or members only forum. So critique is optional for readers but not expected, 15 sonnets is pretty massive

[TheCryptCreeper]

Hey hey guys, got a couple of things to raise --

First, it looks like Holy took the final line from the first revision of my previous sonnet in which case we should go with

Mirages of life to glimpse as a ghost
History hums, but I like now the best.
Each of us living lives, no "King" can boast
We can't change whats passed, we're cursed if not blessed

My last moment in pain, a King of glass.
The crown of man is brittleness and blame
Now is the time for truth and love to last

Which means lines 5 and 7 don't rhyme now, I hate to ask for this but would you be able to revise your last line so that it rhymes with line 5 of the final poem CRND?

Secondly, I think Holy's turn is next again if we're going A-B-C-A-C-B-A-B-C-A-C-B-A-B where A = CRND, B = Holy, C = Myself

[CRNDLSM]

I can change mine, I guess ill wait for mostly to decide whats next

[Mostly Holy]

If you could change yours I would very much appreciate it, I wrote my whole poem around the line I used, it makes no sense with the new line so I would have to re-write the whole thing. I know I am next, I have been terribly busy but I am working on it ::pray::

[CRNDLSM]

I just realized youre asking me to change the line 'now is the time for truth and love to last' because last doesn't rhyme with glass, but I think that must just be dialect because in houston they do rhyme, I also mentioned in a message to mostlyholy that because of the number of rhymes, we kinda have to allow for slant rhymes, so every sonnet ive written so far has tried to include a few to reserve other rhymes for later

So my line 'now is the time' is a callback to line 2s 'history hums, but I like now the best'

And im trying to set up for a Volta. But I was expecting some nonsense, thats why I thought at the end we could each rewrite the last sonnet before editing all the poems in between, so im not deadset on any of it at the moment.

[Mostly Holy]

"Honest Lies"

Now is the time for truth and love to last:
A vow as hollow as an unkept oath.
As said by those who know love's time is past;
by poets and statesmen, fluent liars both.

Our historians curate a golden fable,
by cutting out the truths we cannot face.
When legend smooths away the scars it's able,
it leaves us useful lies in their place.

Embalmed like saints and sinners who never lived,
our past's a prisoner of those who won.
They forged a truth to make themselves beloved;
we spread their lies long after fact has gone.

For truth and love this anthem I proclaim:
Let myths of virtue perish in honest shame.

---

Mirages of life to glimpse as a ghost;
History hums, but I like now the best.
Each of us living lives no King can boast,
we can't change what's passed, we're cursed if not blessed.

All that remains are fragments of the past,
the crown of man is brittleness and blame.
Now is the time for truth and love to last,
let myths of virtue perish in honest shame.

---

.
I tried very hard to keep this metrically regular iambic pentameter, I know I wobbled a fair bit but if anything jumps out as badly off please let me know. Also, sorry this took so long, things have been pretty hectic here.

[TheCryptCreeper]

Heyhey both, I agree we should probably wait until the end to worry about how to write the final sonnet; here's my third submission:

---

Let myths of virtue perish in honest shame.
I writhe like a worm among dust and mud,
Thrashing the floor a pulpy mass of blood.
Pain my last tether after madness claimed
My name, my memories gone up in flame,
Along with truth, drowned in venomous flood.
Compressed, bound with chains and thrown with a —thud
As vicious snakes cannibalise my fame.


Way above in the screaming mad tower,
Millions of miles high, lies a tortured mind.
Though below it’s claimed they speak face to face,
With He or She, the ultimate power.
Giddy sheep look up with eyes ever blind,
Rapt in grace’s embrace, seeking solace.

---

Mirages of life to glimpse as a ghost;
History hums, but I like now the best.
Each of us living lives no King can boast,
we can't change what's passed, we're cursed if not blessed.

All that remains are fragments of the past,
the crown of man is brittleness and blame.
Now is the time for truth and love to last,
let myths of virtue perish in honest shame.

Rapt in grace’s embrace, seeking solace,

[CRNDLSM]

Rapt in graces embrace, seeking solace,
the earth has once again regained its bloom.
Everyone who's left is in good spirits,
the smallest trace remains of noxious fumes

from whatever hex that witch had performed.
I almost can't believe how bad things got,
as if the skies themselves had mourned with storms
before the first battle was even fought.

Our kids play in the pastures free from fear,
monsters only in imagination,
I wish you could hear their laughter, my dear,
Your prolonged absence fuels my impatience 

I never dreamed for a happy ending
Threads of life entwined, forever mending




Mirages of life to glimpse as a ghost;
History hums, but I like now the best.
Each of us living lives no King can boast,
we can't change what's passed, we're cursed if not blessed.

All that remains are fragments of the past,
the crown of man is brittleness and blame.
Now is the time for truth and love to last,
let myths of virtue perish in honest shame.

Rapt in grace’s embrace, seeking solace,
Threads of life entwined, forever mending