Sonnet challenge crndlsm, mostly Holy, cryptcreeper

[CRNDLSM]

Trying to make a heroic crown by passing each sonnet around a circle, building off each other's to the end.  We added a line to make it even, I started it off here to save my work and post the final result,  they are welcome to share theirs here as we go.  











King without a _' (crown)

The king gazed over his empty palace
Shadows of the court no longer dancing 
ruined remains of his call to malice
enemies dabbling in necromancy

what a wicked punishment to endure 
eternities of death and emptiness
invading armies erasing borders
their one purpose to avenge the oppressed

encased in silence unable to rest
no life. No heat. But remnants of the spell
burned and looted so nothing would be left
No lessons for rulers to learn in hell

people pass through in fashionable clothes 
mirages of life to glimpse as a ghost

[Mostly Holy]

"Ghosts of the Past, or Whatever"

Mirages of life I glimpse as a ghost
float thru this sun-stunned square, where people come
to chase the perfect selfie for a post;
I wait impatient till the rest are done.
They say he ruled with fire. I tap my screen,
and the statue looms grimly thereupon.

The tour guide drones about the tyrant's reign,
But I half listen, my eye on the sun,
Setting filters while some good light remains.
I pose just right, my hair immaculate,
And, before my battery can fully drain,
I smile nice and wide, and hope it will be great.

I frame the shot, his shadow on my dress;
History hums, but I like now the best.

[CRNDLSM]

So right now with this, the last sonnet will read

The king gazed over his empty palace
Mirages of life to glimpse as a ghost
History hums but I like now the best

[busker]

so it's a sonnet followed by a sonnet?
or is it a sonnet followed by 3 lines?
or a sonnet followed by 'n' lines, which are also in sonnet form?

[CRNDLSM]

I thought a sonnet was 14 lines
Ababcdcdefefgg or
Abbaabbacdecde with a volta in the middle around line 8

So ideally 14 individual sonnets would produce a cap sonnet, and trading back and forth would give both parties an even 7 sonnets to write, adding in a third person would leave someone out for the last sonnet, so I thought 15 lines would take care of that, 5 each when divided by 3, so 15 lines per poem, and the closest way to do that and keep the standard sonnet form was just to add an extra line,

---

I thought to make it even the final 16th poem would look like

A Crndlsm
B Mostly
A Crypt
B Crndlsm

C Mostly
D Crypt
C Crndlsm 
D Mostly

E Crypt
F Crndlsm
E Mostly
F Crypt

G Crndlsm
G Mostly 
G Crypt

Each of us starts and ends a 4 line stanza and each if us gets a closing line, but then each poem would have to look like this

[CRNDLSM]

It seems as though this is going to be a braid of sonnets instead of a crown, so we shall still see how this goes

[Mostly Holy]

My understanding is we will do fourteen sonnets, five each for you and I, four for CryptKeeper, then compose a fifteenth from lines from the other fourteen? I guess I did not realise the last sonnet was only the last lines of the previous ones, I thought we could use any line from each one and stitch them together like Frankenstein's monster, but if it is just the last lines that does give another thing to keep track of while writing them. Hopefully CryptKeeper will post his this evening and we can get his thoughts,

[CRNDLSM]

I like the challenge and the creative spirit so lets just keep going and see what happens! This is fun and interesting on my end

[TheCryptCreeper]

Hey both, I set today as my deadline as I will be busy over the weekend; here is what I came up with

--
-- Revised Version --
History hums, but I like now the best.
My finger thrums upon the countertop,
Down into hot water my teabag drops.
With warm woollen gown wrapped around my chest,
On a Sunday a day purely for rest.
In my small peace, profound thoughts come and stop:
”Why do we look up to old Kingly fops?
Was it just their rich style, the way they dressed?”

We have comforts that any King would seize.
Snug in sweater, where they crowd at the hearth,
Precise measures on the state of our hearts,
Our online realm of endless libraries,
Imported luxuries straight from the coast,
Each of us living lives no “King” can boast.

-- Original Version --
History hums, but I like now the best.
My finger thrums upon the countertop,
Down into hot water my teabag drops.
With warm woollen gown wrapped around my chest,
On a Sunday a day purely for rest.
In my small peace, profound thoughts come and stop:
”Why do we look up to old kingly fops?
Was it just their rich style, the way they dressed?”

We no longer freeze to death in winter,
And each week can enjoy a hearty roast,
With each evening a new toast offered up.
Mankind now thrives, despite life’s cruel spectre,
It's the furthest we’ve come, our time to boast,
Fruit of the now– its nectar fills my cup.

--

Let me know if I should adjust it slightly so the final line rhymes with "Mirages of life to glimpse as a ghost"

[Mostly Holy]

Yes I think it should, as I understand it your last line will be the third line of the fifteenth sonnet. Your rhyme scheme is a classic Petrarchan scheme, but perhaps you could use one of the accepted variant sestets, CDDCDD, or CDDCEE?

Also is "best" a slant rhyme for "palace"? I thought it was, but now I am less sure.

[CRNDLSM]

A B C. A C B. So im next? Then crypt again?

[Mostly Holy]

Yes exactly so. The full scheme should be A-B-C-A-C-B-A-B-C-A-C-B-A-B, then the fifteen made up of the last lines(?) of all the others. That way we get every combination equally, plus an extra AB at the end.

[TheCryptCreeper]

Yes I think it should, as I understand it your last line will be the third line of the fifteenth sonnet. Your rhyme scheme is a classic Petrarchan scheme, but perhaps you could use one of the accepted variant sestets, CDDCDD, or CDDCEE?

Also is "best" a slant rhyme for "palace"? I thought it was, but now I am less sure.

Gotcha, I'll make some edits and repost so CRND knows what to work with for his, I should have it shortly

[CRNDLSM]

A B C A C B.        A C B A B C.        B A

Just a thought, what if we flipped the order for the end so it ends on A? Like it ends at the beginning

[Mostly Holy]

That is fine by me!

[TheCryptCreeper]

Yoyo, I have updated my post with my revised poem; should rhyme nicely now

[CRNDLSM]

Each of us living lives, no king can boast
Gwenoleth, that the world belongs to them,
as our hearts beat together in the throws
of the impending doom we bring to him.

Eternity in hell is not enough
for pillaging his own empire's daughters.
Will you read this letter? Too many ifs...
If you are still alive when we get there,

If we get there, if you will still have me
when you see me, after all thats happened,
If you decide not to have his baby,
If you could go through with that, oh dear Gwen!

You will hear the drums thunder under breast
We can't change whats passed, we're cursed if not blessed




Since were building the last sonnet you can add your last line to it here so we can manage it as it goes, this is a crazy challenge!   And we've made it even harder so, its like a 10,000 piece puzzle, im glad yall are here. Don't give up!


Mirages of life to glimpse as a ghost
History hums but I like now the best
Each of us living lives, no 'king' can boast
We can't change whats passed, we're cursed if not blessed

[Mostly Holy]

CryptKeeper is busy this weekend so we will have to wait a few days. I am a little puzzled by your last line, It's meaning is not unambiguously clear, is there supposed to be an "if" that you cut to keep the meter? If so, perhaps you could just phrase it as "It would be grand if all this went to plan", just to make it work more cleanly grammatically?

[CRNDLSM]

CryptKeeper is busy this weekend so we will have to wait a few days. I am a little puzzled by your last line, It's meaning is not unambiguously clear, is there supposed to be an "if" that you cut to keep the meter? If so, perhaps you could just phrase it as "It would be grand if all this went to plan", just to make it work more cleanly grammatically?

Thanks for the check!

[Mostly Holy]

Yw. I am also a little puzzled by the first stanza of your poem. The punctuation makes the meaning very unclear, perhaps "Each of us living lives. No "king' can boast, / Gwenoleth, that the world belongs to them, as our hearts beat together in the throws (surely "throes"?)/ of the impending doom we bring to him."

I am a little puzzled as to why "king" is in quotes, and what it means. It seems very non-specific, the only thing I am sure of is that it is someone who is not a king (or not a real king), but beyond that it is pretty vague. If it is just that it was in quotes in CryptKeeper's version, I think changing punctuation is fine, so if you are talking about a king, you should just leave them off.