OOO Vonadi

[Weeded]

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The devil hides in liberation.
Be wary,
among innovation he sows
while children laugh and billiards play
nerve endings feel every bitter pain.
Behind locked doors the wicked wake
new terrors unheard, unseen
form tomorrow to cinder grey.

Advances upon lifeless foals,
democratic auspices and human offal
rots like rust on La Niña
in the port of Cagliari
before we took her to Sardinia.

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Original

The devil hides in liberation
be wary, for among the beauty
he sows, in the name of medicine
nerve endings feel every bitter sting
while children laugh and billiards play
the wicked wake behind locked doors
a terror unheard, unseen
forms tomorrow to a cinder grey.

Advances upon lifeless foals,
democratic auspices and opal clergy
who cry for help, only heard by helpless,
the quiet corner beset with predicament toils
hark! In search of reveille.

A far-off beat of forgotten drums
to a once sung melody, undone
by the modern wonders and tribulations
of today, tainted in need of cleansing
vanity stricken veins fathoms above
the surface pulsing battery acid,
lithium hums and neurosurgery
shunning God itself.

The angels cry through eyes of repentance
while the hearts of men are incised
only to be corrupted by the marvel-
a sham. Saturday disco technophile.

[dukealien]

[Oddly, first attempt at a response was envanished before complete.  Hmm.]

Meaning no offense, this work seems to present a wonderful parody of output from a Large Language Model (LLM) in poetic form.  As LLM art has certain characteristics (five-legged horses, one-legged men, fuzzy or abrupt backgrounds, inconsistent perspective) the mark of LLM poetry is in its probabilistic phrase completion.  That is, word after word or short phrase after short phrase is chosen because it's the most likely rather than for meaning.

In the present work, this characteristic appearance is present in some cases - by design of its human author.  The effect is often striking, for example in 

The angels cry through eyes of repentance

where there's a kind of hopscotch effect:  "angels" provokes "repentance"  and "cry" while "cry" provokes "eyes."  But this is also how the (human) creative process works:  playing with matched, mismatched, and simply off-the-wall associations until something clicks.  Perhaps a LLM could be altered (enhanced?) by forcing it to sometimes do peculiar or "wrong" things, as (in art) they are forced to paint historic figures in blackface.  Which, if it weren't such a trope for LLMs by now, could make us think in what-ifs.

Anyway, it's an interesting poem and I don't mean to downgrade it for my idiosyncratic view of it.

[Weeded]

[Oddly, first attempt at a response was envanished before complete.  Hmm.]

Meaning no offense, this work seems to present a wonderful parody of output from a Large Language Model (LLM) in poetic form.  As LLM art has certain characteristics (five-legged horses, one-legged men, fuzzy or abrupt backgrounds, inconsistent perspective) the mark of LLM poetry is in its probabilistic phrase completion.  That is, word after word or short phrase after short phrase is chosen because it's the most likely rather than for meaning.

In the present work, this characteristic appearance is present in some cases - by design of its human author.  The effect is often striking, for example in 

The angels cry through eyes of repentance

where there's a kind of hopscotch effect:  "angels" provokes "repentance"  and "cry" while "cry" provokes "eyes."  But this is also how the (human) creative process works:  playing with matched, mismatched, and simply off-the-wall associations until something clicks.  Perhaps a LLM could be altered (enhanced?) by forcing it to sometimes do peculiar or "wrong" things, as (in art) they are forced to paint historic figures in blackface.  Which, if it weren't such a trope for LLMs by now, could make us think in what-ifs.

Anyway, it's an interesting poem and I don't mean to downgrade it for my idiosyncratic view of it.

Hey Duke, interesting response! I wonder what the interpretation would've been like 10 years ago, before this AI crap. Probably would've just called the angels line cliché or something, which seems analogous to your current analysis, and that I completely agree with after re-reading. Thanks for commenting
mike