Children are blind to poetry

[busker]

Children are blind to poetry,
like river dolphins to the river's
wooded flanks, the long history
of dam building beaver

civilisations on its banks.
Unbedazzled by Dante's rhyme,
they give no thanks,
who have no time

but live like wind flowers in the wind,
in the hour,
in the wonderment they bring
to a sky unpeeled to the stars

[twowza]

I find this very interesting and an important theme to be discussed. It seems that you point out how children don't recognize the poetry in their lives, even though it still affects them, and it's so important. I think it would be interesting to remove "children" at the beginning and use a word or phrase that alludes to children. Overall, I really liked this piece.

[meadzbabyy]

I would echo what the other commenter said, removing the word children would transform this poem into a sort of puzzle that needs to be solved by its reader. I conflate puzzles with childhood so while it might just be me, I think the puzzle-like effect would also translate well to audiences who don't have that personal connection to puzzles. Great poem, with an amazing idea. It doesn't come off as pretentious, it's more of a concerned despair. Nice execution

[busker]

thanks, twowza and meadz, for your comments.

[DaveAshley]

I found it interesting that in the first two verses you used rhyme (abab) then in the last one you went away from that. was it on purpose? This is more of a question than a critique. as I just wondered.

most kids groan when they do hear there is going to be poetry unless it more nonsense based (jabbawocky) then they really get it. I admit it would be great if they could listen to othertypes. I digress, sorry adhd brain.

"unbedazzled by Dante's rhyme" v nice. Sums up that the more esoteric poems out there are of no use to children. Thumbs Up!

[busker]

I found it interesting that in the first two verses you used rhyme (abab) then in the last one you went away from that. was it on purpose? This is more of a question than a critique. as I just wondered.

Thanks 

The poem does have abab throughout, with partial rhymes in wind / bring and hour/stars 

English is not rhyme rich like some other languages, and using exact rhymes leads to forced choices and a more “artificial” effect. Like mountain / fountain, beloved of Shelley.

A key consideration should be to imitate natural speech