Avo

[edeno]

You lie in a bed that nearly swallows you
Body shriveled like a salted fish
Tongue lolling
Dreaming of abstracts
The rattle in your breath
Knocks every thought out of my head

Feel no shame 
Because no one’s laughing
I only remember a hundred years ago
When you peeled me oranges

[poetry_zealot]

You lie in a bed that nearly swallows you
Body shriveled like a salted fish
Tongue lolling
Dreaming of abstracts
The rattle in your breath
Knocks every thought out of my head

Feel no shame 
Because no one’s laughing
I only remember a hundred years ago
When you peeled me oranges

This is a pretty decent poem in terms of description and imagery. Some basic tips I can give is to experiment more with punctuation because, as it is, there is none in your poem. Also, I don't understand the story/narrative of your poem (although it may just be me). Good try though mate.

[edeno]

Thanks for the feedback. I’m a total beginner so anything is helpful.

[Semele]

You lie in a bed that nearly swallows you
Body shriveled like a salted fish
Tongue lolling
Dreaming of abstracts
The rattle in your breath
Knocks every thought out of my head

Feel no shame 
Because no one’s laughing
I only remember a hundred years ago
When you peeled me oranges

I really enjoy the imagery here, it really paints a picture, but the lines after these become somewhat disconnected, at least for my perception. If I try hard to find meaning, it seems to be referring maybe to a parental figure, someone who has aged (rattle) and the act of peeling oranges long ago seem to be connected to past nourishment. But it feels like it needs a just a little bit more. Another thing, and this could be just me, is that I think "Knocks every thought out of my head" doesn't flow as smoothly as everything else, maybe change "knocks" for "knocking" and adapt the rest of the phrase? Maybe "Knocking thoughts out of my head". Just food for thought, I'm new to this too

[carahmellow]

You lie in a bed that nearly swallows you
Body shriveled like a salted fish
Tongue lolling
Dreaming of abstracts
The rattle in your breath
Knocks every thought out of my head

Feel no shame 
Because no one’s laughing
I only remember a hundred years ago
When you peeled me oranges

I love that first stanza... great imagery, but Im finding the second stanza to be a little confusing. I look at the "hundred years" and wonder what that means exactly. Is this a parent or grandparent? A spouse? But would a spouse peel your oranges one hundred years ago? no... but neither would a parent. I think that one detail could clear up this poem, and make it more meaningful in a subtle way.