Kite

[Valerie Please]

He hates her.
He hates her insolence, 
and her disrespect 
and the drama that she brings 
and he just pressed send 
on another 

another

private message
to let her know
he won’t stand for it.
She’ll see him
floating magnanimously
above her.

He feels certain
that this time
he finally found
the magic words
to control 
the wind.

[rowens]

He hates her.
He hates her insolence, 
and her disrespect 
and the drama that she brings 
and he just pressed send 
on another 

another

private message
to let her know
  won’t stand for it.
She’ll see him
floating magnanimously
above her.

He feels certain
that this time
he finally found
the magic words
to control 
the wind.

---

He hates her.
He hates her insolence, 
and her disrespect 
and the drama that she brings 
and he just pressed send 
on another 

another

private message
to let her know
   won’t stand for it.
She’ll see him
floating magnanimously
above her.

For certain
   this time
he found
the  magic
to control 
whatever wind.

---

Yes. I'd play with those kind of things.

[Valerie Please]

Thanks, rowens, I like the suggestions.

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He hates her.
He hates her insolence, 
and her disrespect 
and the drama that she brings 
and he just pressed send 
on another 

another

private message
to let her know
  won’t stand for it.
She’ll see him
floating magnanimously
above her.

He feels certain
that this time
he finally found
the magic words
to control 
the wind.

---

He hates her.
He hates her insolence, 
and her disrespect 
and the drama that she brings 
and he just pressed send 
on another 

another

private message
to let her know
   won’t stand for it.
She’ll see him
floating magnanimously
above her.

For certain
   this time
he found
the  magic
to control 
whatever wind.

---

Yes. I'd play with those kind of things.

[Magpie]

He hates her.
He hates her insolence, 
and her disrespect 
and the drama that she brings  could be implied - also keeps with the rhythm of previous lines
and he just pressed send 
on another 

another

private message
to let her know
he won’t stand for it.
She’ll see him
floating magnanimously
above her.

He feels certain
that this time
he finally found
the magic words
to control 
the wind.

Hi Valerie, I like the poem and it seems fairly sound, so not much crit in that sense.
Without the title it is a totally different poem. The title makes me think that there are two meanings at play here and it brings in the element of a predator, as in the bird of prey kite. If this is the case then 'magnanimously' seems like an odd choice of word.
It works well when I read it using kite in the sense of the craft on a string. Although now I'm thinking who is controlling the kite.
I want it to work both ways with the title.

Am I reading too much into it?

[Valerie Please]

Magpie, thank you for the read and the suggestion. I like the edit, it's more streamlined (like a kite).

A confession: I love ambiguity and double entendre. And yes, the central idea of the poem is supposed to be about power struggles. I don't want to interfere with your read, but that is the intention. So I'm happy that it came across.

xo,
Val

He hates her.
He hates her insolence, 
and her disrespect 
and the drama that she brings  could be implied - also keeps with the rhythm of previous lines
and he just pressed send 
on another 

another

private message
to let her know
he won’t stand for it.
She’ll see him
floating magnanimously
above her.

He feels certain
that this time
he finally found
the magic words
to control 
the wind.

Hi Valerie, I like the poem and it seems fairly sound, so not much crit in that sense.
Without the title it is a totally different poem. The title makes me think that there are two meanings at play here and it brings in the element of a predator, as in the bird of prey kite. If this is the case then 'magnanimously' seems like an odd choice of word.
It works well when I read it using kite in the sense of the craft on a string. Although now I'm thinking who is controlling the kite.
I want it to work both ways with the title.

Am I reading too much into it?

[Knot]

Hi Valerie,
strong title, and I like the plainness of the language. Two weak spots, for me.
'She'll see him / floating magnanimously' - feels like the register changes. Maybe begin with 'Let her watch / ... ?
'the magic words' - similar issue, maybe 'what it takes' ?
(Small niggle, is there much difference between 'insolence' and 'disrespect'?)


He hates her
the insolence
and disrespect
all the drama
(which) she brings
and he's just
pressed send
on another

another

private message
to let her know
that he won’t
stand for it.
She’ll see him
floating magnanimously
above her.

He feels certain
that this time
he finally found
the magic words ............. it seems to lack some of the directness of the earlier verses.
to control
the wind.


Best, Knot

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