fr. francesco

[armadillosarecool]

fr. francesco

fr. francesco
    jives under leaf-green-blanket
                           to a jungle drum—outside rain—
                                         under a verdant canopy he

          reminds his forgetting to
throws crosses at passersby
                                              
                                            wait

                                    in-heart mutiny
                                                twine snap!

                  jives    forbidden    to a jungle drum
                   
                      stomping beads
                                                               forbidden
                                                                          free
                                                                            first smile on his face

[TranquillityBase]

fr. francesco

fr. francesco

                  jives under leaf-green-blankets

                                                     to a jungle drum—outside rain

                                                                                under leaf-green-blankets he

                                                     reminds his forgetting to

throws crosses at passersby—wait—

                                                         in-heart mutiny
                                                                                   twine snap!

                                                                                          jives    forbidden    to a jungle drum

                                                                                                                                        forbidden

                                                                                                                                                  free

                                                                                                                                                     first smile on his face

                                                                                                   stomping beads

Hi Armadillo,

I know how frustrating it is to post something and get zero feedback, so I'm tossing a couple of thoughts about this unusual poem your way.

First, I like the free form spacing you've constructed.  I do have three quibbles:  the line "reminds his forgetting to" leaves the reader hanging.  Maybe that's deliberate.  It's sort of a poem made up of fragments which is not necessarily a bad thing.  I also think "first smile on his face" ought to be the last line.  "stomping beads" leads me to expect more lines.

TqB

[armadillosarecool]

Hi TqB,

Thanks for responding to my poem!

It is a bit of a weird one and I couldn't get the formatting exactly how I had it in my google document, so that didn't help its case.

I think the weird phrasing and formatting I used (mostly because I read too much ee cummings when I wrote this) is contributing to your confusion. The line is supposed to be read like "reminds his forgetting to throws crosses at passersby," but maybe that reads too awkwardly with the funky formatting.

The idea behind the poem was kind of an internal conflict between father francesco's sense of duty and responsibility to spread the message of the church and his internal base instincts to join in the mad jungle revel. I don't know exactly. 

The formatting was supposed to represent that idea too.

It's probably best that "stomping beads" goes somewhere else, but as it stands I think it works in a way.


Best,

aac

[Wjames]

fr. francesco

fr. francesco

                  jives under leaf-green-blankets

                                                     to a jungle drum—outside rain

                                                                                under leaf-green-blankets he 

                                                     reminds his forgetting to

throws crosses at passersby—wait—

                                                         in-heart mutiny
                                                                                   twine snap!

                                                                                          jives    forbidden    to a jungle drum

                                                                                                                                        forbidden

                                                                                                                                                  free

                                                                                                                                                     first smile on his face

                                                                                                   stomping beads

Hey Armadillo, I picture a priest in Mardi Gras (Mardi Gras may not be your intent, but that's one way I saw the beads - along with a rosary, which I like) trying unsucessfully not to have too much fun. 

I like that idea - and I can sort of see the way the shape of the poem reflects that - it starts on the left, and moves to the right as he loses himself - he gathers himself thinking of the crosses and it's back to the left, and then as he loses himself in the fun it goes right. That's how I read in to the shape/formatting at least. For me, I don't usually work with shape, I just like images, but it can be interesting. I think at times the shape/formatting makes this a bit difficult to read, though.

I think there aren't that many words here, and a bunch of them are repeated - "jives under leaf-green blankets to a jungle drum" & "under leaf-green-blankets" - could maybe be stronger if you substitute the repetition with other images that convey the same idea.

[armadillosarecool]

Hi Wjames,

I'm glad that the intent of the formatting came across, rough as it was. I tried to update it a bit to reflect how it looks on google docs, as well as making some of the suggested edits.

The setting wasn't quite Mardi Gras (the beads were rosary, as you guessed as well), but rather a Catholic missionary in early South America taking part in the festivities of the local cultures. There were several documented accounts of Spanish missionaries leaving their posts to integrate into native American life, so maybe that's what happened with Fr. Francesco.

(I already forgot the html code for the prev edits thing, so just pretend that I did that)

Hopefully it's a bit easier to read as well.

best,

aac

[TranquillityBase]

Good job on the edit 

This is a realy fun poem to read, although I understand the somewhat serious underpinning.  I did see from the first a priest "gone native".