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Because the air is sick and dark,
dense with disease.
My lungs will blacken and bleed
long before yours; you are accustomed.
Because I am the bird you left in the cave
with no one watching.
Because I reached out to touch your arm,
and your skin felt like leather.
Because sorrow is crawling into every corner of me
like perverted scarabs.
You woke me with the kind of kiss
that can't be ignored, the kind
that asks questions
I thought I could answer.
The clouds assemble
and begin their grim work.
Because you cannot see the ink in the air,
and I am tired of being your beauty—
these are the reasons why
I am going back to sleep.
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They're not perverted, it's just what scarabs do.
What a fine cascade of memorable verses! Personally, I assemble them into the vampire losing heart and going back into the box... but that's just me.
Particularly enjoyed:
The clouds assemble
and begin their grim work.
Non-practicing atheist
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I agree with Duke, those two lines really stand out
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Hi, FS and Mr. Alien. The vampire interpretation works for me, and is timely for Halloween. I had Sleeping Beauty in mind, but the structure is diffuse enough to accommodate diversity of thought. Thanks for the reads.
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Lizzie dateline='[url=tel:1698117942' Wrote: 1698117942[/url]']
Hi, FS and Mr. Alien. The vampire interpretation works for me, and is timely for Halloween. I had Sleeping Beauty in mind, but the structure is diffuse enough to accommodate diversity of thought. Thanks for the reads.
I admit, I missed the mark here, but now that you say that it falls into place
I was reading this as if the narrator were having a depressive episode, assigning their partner the metaphorical role of coal miner for trying to wake them up and delve into their depression.
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(10-20-2023, 05:05 PM)Lizzie Wrote: Because the air is sick and dark,
dense with disease.
My lungs will blacken and bleed
long before yours; you are accustomed.
Because I am the bird you left in the cave
with no one watching.
Because I reached out to touch your arm,
and your skin felt like leather.
Because sorrow is crawling into every corner of me
like perverted scarabs.
You woke me with the kind of kiss
that can't be ignored, the kind
that asks questions
I thought I could answer.
The clouds assemble
and begin their grim work.
Because you cannot see the ink in the air,
and I am tired of being your beauty—
these are the reasons why
I am going back to sleep.
Coming in late here, but just to add to the list, I got an "ancient Egyptian mummy come to life" vibe from the poem, which I also enjoyed re-reading many times. "sick and dark air", "left in a cave", "leather skin", scuttling "scarabs" (which probably was the main trigger, but then going back over it, picked upon the others).
As Duke said, "a fine cascade of memorable verses"
TqB
Posts: 598
Threads: 83
Joined: Apr 2016
(10-24-2023, 03:27 PM)Fearful Symmetry Wrote: I admit, I missed the mark here, but now that you say that it falls into place 
There's not really a mark to miss, so nothing to worry about there. Thanks for the read.
(10-24-2023, 08:12 PM)TranquillityBase Wrote: Coming in late here, but just to add to the list, I got an "ancient Egyptian mummy come to life" vibe from the poem, which I also enjoyed re-reading many times. "sick and dark air", "left in a cave", "leather skin", scuttling "scarabs" (which probably was the main trigger, but then going back over it, picked upon the others).
As Duke said, "a fine cascade of memorable verses"
TqB
Yeah, I can see the mummy angle too. Kind of fun that there's so many different possible interpretations. Thanks for the read, and welcome back.
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(10-20-2023, 05:05 PM)Lizzie Wrote: Because the air is sick and dark,
dense with disease.
My lungs will blacken and bleed
long before yours; you are accustomed.
Because I am the bird you left in the cave
with no one watching. This is interesting.
Because I reached out to touch your arm,
and your skin felt like leather.
Because sorrow is crawling into every corner of me I think this might be better without 'of me' - without those words, sorrow is still crawling in to every corner of the narrator - but also everywhere else as well.
like perverted scarabs.
You woke me with the kind of kiss
that can't be ignored, the kind
that asks questions
I thought I could answer.
The clouds assemble
and begin their grim work.
Because you cannot see the ink in the air,
and I am tired of being your beauty—
these are the reasons why I think this line should be cut, the because's say it already.
I am going back to sleep.
Hey Lizzie, I like this one - the scene is clear with the spurned advance, but the disease, stranded bird, and stormclouds add some interesting images.
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