Ancestors

[busker]

Ancestors

who may have looked like me,
feeding fire with words,
chanting the names 
of the sky god, moon god, wind god, and the one
who rides a black buffalo bringing death,
in youth I found you lame,
forebears ignorant of the sun’s
triple alpha breath,
polynucleotide chains, ATP
and the conflagration it brings.  
But now my blood is tame,
the path still long, and the gods lie in wait
at the end of things.

[dukealien]

Ancestors

who may have looked like me,
feeding fire with words,
chanting the names 
of the sky god, moon god, wind god, and the one
who rides a black buffalo bringing death,
in youth I found you lame,
forbears ignorant of the sun’s
triple alpha breath,
polynucleotide chains, ATP
and the conflagration it brings.  
But now my blood is tame,
the path still as long, and the gods still lie in wait
at the end of things.

Intriguing.  Nandi is far enough outside my religious envelope that I had to Google... the juxtaposition of the buffalo and "lame" is neat.

The gods (particularly Shiva, do I have that right?) lie in wait at the end of things which is also their beginning (again) - Big Bang, expanding and contracting universe, sort of thing.

On a technical level, the end-rhymes lie  just below the conscious level until one looks back and takes note.  Very nice.

[brynmawr1]

Ancestors

who may have looked like me,             might? pet peeve of mine. That said I think a more direct syntax would be better...who looked like me
feeding fire with words,               fed your fires with words....that sort of thing
chanting the names 
of the sky god, moon god, wind god, and the one  not sure repeating each god works, maybe ....of the gods, sky, moon, wind, the one(a little enjamb action if you're into monotheism?) 
who rides a black buffalo bringing death,   maybe a hard stop here
in youth I found you lame,   ha! sounds like a kid talking to a parent.  I still worry that 'lame' might be, well lame.
forbears ignorant of the sun’s   forebears
triple alpha breath,
polynucleotide chains, ATP
and the conflagration it brings.  not sure this works.
But now my blood is tame,
the path still as long, and the gods still lie in wait   not sure about using 'still' twice
at the end of things.    seems like this is implied in the previous phrase.

Hi Busker,
Despite my quibbling above, I enjoyed the piece.  I like your historical poems.  Also, sorry if you weren't looking for crit.  Like TqB, hard to resist.  Above comments are loose suggestions only.
Take care,
bryn

[busker]

Thanks, duke, bryn.
Always enjoy reading your feedback.

@Duke -  small clarification: the god riding the buffalo is Yama, god of death. And yes, the gods are born and die and come back again in endless cycles. There are similarities between the ancient Vedic religion, the ancient Persian religion (well before Zoroaster), and religions all the way up to Greece. We'll never know whose ancestor was who, due to the cultural and genetic mixing that has been happening since the days of the Turkana boy, hence ancestors who may have looked like me, but who knows (explaining one's poem is a mortal sin, but this is Miscellaneous, so I take the liberty).
We'll never know what the early Hebrews thought: there are only hints of it in the OT, but it points to an ancient polytheism with gods battling each other.

@Bryn - thanks most of all for the spelling correction on for(e)bear. I had the right one at first, then googled the wrong spelling (or rather, found the right spelling of the wrong word).

[TranquillityBase]

Ancestors

who may have looked like me,
feeding fire with words,
chanting the names 
of the sky god, moon god, wind god, and the one
who rides a black buffalo bringing death,
in youth I found you lame,
forebears ignorant of the sun’s
triple alpha breath,
polynucleotide chains, ATP                  since you are explaining, how do these relate to the sun?
and the conflagration it brings.  
But now my blood is tame,
the path still as long, and the gods still lie in wait
at the end of things.

I too enjoy very much your poems about the gods.  First and last lines are marvellous.  I am baffled by the ones referenced above, and even Googling doesn't help much.

TqB

[busker]

Thanks @TqB - the triple alpha process involves the conversion of 3 helium nuclei into a Carbon nucleus.  For various complicated reasons, this is a hugely improbable reaction that nevertheless happens due to a set of exceedingly lucky circumstances, and makes the synthesis of heavier elements possible. It's one of those finely tuned balances of nature that makes one wonder if we live in the simulation of a game designer creator in a higher universe. Or indeed, an old fashioned god of some sort.
Polynucleotide chains (referring here to DNA) is just an extension of how the improbably formed carbon, oxyen, and nitrogen link up even more crazily to form the molecules or life. And ATP is just a way of linking back energy release at the organic level to the energy release of the sun. It's not that well thought through, just things that suggest themselves one after the other when you think of these topics.