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Consanguinity
We drew blood
from a finger,
then hooked them
together-
blood brothers
forever.
We were only 10
then, sanguine
of days ahead,
not knowing
there would be
much more
blood
yet to be shed.
I still visit you
from time to time,
thinking
of our hours,
what might have been-
then I leave
some flowers,
bow my head,
talk to the wind.
Posts: 915
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Joined: Nov 2015
(03-16-2023, 01:12 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote: Consanguinity
We drew blood
from a finger,
then hooked them
together-
blood brothers
forever.
We were only 10
then, sanguine
of days ahead,
not knowing
there would be
so much more
blood
yet to be shed.
I still visit you
from time to time,
thinking
of our hours,
what might have been-
then I leave
some flowers,
bow my head,
talk to the wind.
Well expressed. My detail hobgoblin was not at all confused by which (a) finger was lanced since two are required to hook - obviously, the same finger on each person's hand, specifying which (trigger, social, or pinkie) unnecessary. Avaunt, hobgoblin! Simplifiers might object that "yet" and even "blood" could be omitted, but they drive the rhythm forward haltingly, which is appropriate. The shift from the normal meaning of the title is clever.
Non-practicing atheist
Posts: 546
Threads: 114
Joined: Jun 2015
Ha!
I’m definitely the ‘simplifier’ type, so yeah, I can see that it would still make sense without ‘blood’ and ‘yet’. Slowing the rhythm may not be so important.
I’m gonna think on it awhile before pulling out the axe though.
Thanks for checking in on it duke,
Mark
ps. I revised this one by elminating the word 'so', thus putting the accent on the word 'blood'. I do think that 'blood' is important in this piece, and leave it up to the reader as to what may have caused 'much more blood'. This poem is based upon a combination of several people/events.
