Poetry Forum › Poetry Forum › Haiku, Senryu, Short Form Poetry.
Mid-Air

Mid-Air
Poetry In Motion Offline
but the cat came back the very next day
****
Posts: 41
Threads: 18
Joined: Jul 2021
#1
03-03-2023, 01:53 PM
leaves drift mid-air,
its random swaying’s
weighs me down.
Reply
TranquillityBase Offline
Maybe Wizard
**********
Posts: 894
Threads: 176
Joined: Jan 2021
#2
03-10-2023, 08:05 AM
(03-03-2023, 01:53 PM)Poetry In Motion Wrote:  leaves drift mid-air,
its random swaying’s.           their instead of its?  their random swaying?
weighs me down.               what about "pulls me down"?

TqB
Reply
Poetry In Motion Offline
but the cat came back the very next day
****
Posts: 41
Threads: 18
Joined: Jul 2021
#3
03-10-2023, 08:23 AM
(03-10-2023, 08:05 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote:  
(03-03-2023, 01:53 PM)Poetry In Motion Wrote:  leaves drift mid-air,
its random swaying’s.           their instead of its?  their random swaying?
weighs me down.               what about "pulls me down"?

TqB
Someone suggested on another board that I use 'that last line' as a twist.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!