So I March - edit
#1
...So I March


I could have been a dancer
or a drummer–
I’ve got rhythm
struggling too weakly
to step out...


So I March

I could have been a dancer
or a drummer–
I’ve got rhythm
struggling too weakly
to step out.
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#2
I like how this seems like a lament at not losing physical strength (struggling too weakly) but also mentally, march to the beat of your own drum, can't step out of line,
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#3
(12-08-2022, 05:32 AM)dukealien Wrote:  So I March

I could have been a dancer
or a drummer–
I’ve got rhythm
struggling too weakly
to step out.

Somehow I feel there's more to say here after those last two lines.  Or maybe I just like the poem enough I didn't want it to end there.
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#4
(12-08-2022, 05:32 AM)dukealien Wrote:  So I March

I could have been a dancer
or a drummer–
I’ve got rhythm
struggling too weakly
to step out.

Hi duke-
A very simple suggestion to tie the last line back to the title (which I think was your intent).

… so I march
-
-
-
to step out…
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#5
edit;


...So I March


I could have been a dancer
or a drummer–
I’ve got rhythm
struggling too weakly
to step out...




Thanks to all critics, especially  @Mark.  It's apparent that's just what the poem needs to clarify what's supposed to be going on.

The Soviets used to say "Quantity has a quality all its own."  Perhaps we can say that in poetry (or just writing?) "Simplicity has a complexity all its own."
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