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...So I March
I could have been a dancer
or a drummer–
I’ve got rhythm
struggling too weakly
to step out...
Non-practicing atheist
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I like how this seems like a lament at not losing physical strength (struggling too weakly) but also mentally, march to the beat of your own drum, can't step out of line,
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(12-08-2022, 05:32 AM)dukealien Wrote: So I March
I could have been a dancer
or a drummer–
I’ve got rhythm
struggling too weakly
to step out.
Somehow I feel there's more to say here after those last two lines. Or maybe I just like the poem enough I didn't want it to end there.
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(12-08-2022, 05:32 AM)dukealien Wrote: So I March
I could have been a dancer
or a drummer–
I’ve got rhythm
struggling too weakly
to step out.
Hi duke-
A very simple suggestion to tie the last line back to the title (which I think was your intent).
… so I march
-
-
-
to step out…
Posts: 1,128
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edit;
...So I March
I could have been a dancer
or a drummer–
I’ve got rhythm
struggling too weakly
to step out...
Thanks to all critics, especially @Mark. It's apparent that's just what the poem needs to clarify what's supposed to be going on.
The Soviets used to say "Quantity has a quality all its own." Perhaps we can say that in poetry (or just writing?) "Simplicity has a complexity all its own."
Non-practicing atheist