Posts: 28
Threads: 39
Joined: Jul 2020
Hypnagogic Rune (Diminishing Verse)
Treading within my memories, overwrought words will spin.
I fasten fancy daydreams together with an imaginary pin.
Identities, the most needless means around, creep in.
Voiceless minds immure during a vengeful spat.
Upon an abstract stone ludicrous reflections pat.
Familiar passengers following behind, their fantasies are converging at.
Posts: 204
Threads: 57
Joined: Jan 2013
(01-16-2021, 02:42 AM)Torkelburger Wrote: Hypnagogic Rune (Diminishing Verse)
Treading within my memories, overwrought words will spin.
I fasten fancy daydreams together with an imaginary pin.
Identities, the most needless means around, creep in.
Voiceless minds immure during a vengeful spat.
Upon an abstract stone ludicrous reflections pat.
Familiar passengers following behind, their fantasies are converging at.
I think this is a fun verse but I'm not totally on board with how either stanza ends. "Creep in" and "converging at" seem a little disjointed and ... dare I say lacking finesse (I'm sorry!)?
I think you've got something here but it might help to rework those last lines to add a little punch.
I'll be there in a minute.
Posts: 438
Threads: 374
Joined: Sep 2014
Not totally on board.
To Creep in is to Converge with
unless of course
, of a course
.
Treading within my memories, overwrought words will spin.
I fasten fancy daydreams together with an imaginary pin.
(01-16-2021, 02:42 AM)Torkelburger Wrote:
Hypnagogic Rune (Diminishing Verse)
Treading within my memories, overwrought words will spin.
I fasten fancy daydreams together with an imaginary pin.
Identities, the most needless means around, creep in.
Voiceless minds immure during a vengeful spat.
Upon an abstract stone ludicrous reflections pat.
Familiar passengers following behind, their fantasies are converging at.
Identities, the most needless means around, creep in.
Voiceless minds immure during a vengeful spat.
Upon an abstract stone ludicrous reflections pat.
Familiar passengers following behind, their fantasies are converging at.
read, exciuse me,
reading within my memories, overwrought words still spin.
I fancy daydreams together with an pin.
Identity, the most needless mean
voiceless minds
Upon abstract
ludicrous
Familiar passengers following behind, their fantasies are converging at.
