Fuel

[Semicircle]

Jewelry and flora
thrust into the furnace,
stretches oddly 


When she rests
in bed at night–


condensation
against a window


Tilted; crossed,
lest she look directly


Jewelry and flora
keeps the furnace lighted

[TranquillityBase]

Jewelry and flora
thrust into the furnace,
stretches oddly                     my favorite stanza


When she rests
in bed at night–


watching from a window         "through a window"?  and what is she watching?


Tilted; crossed,
lest she look directly


Jewelry and flora
keeps the furnace lighted

The beginning and ending are quite effective; in between, feels like something is missing.

[Semicircle]

Jewelry and flora
thrust into the furnace,
stretches oddly                     my favorite stanza


When she rests
in bed at night–


watching from a window         "through a window"?  and what is she watching?


Tilted; crossed,
lest she look directly


Jewelry and flora
keeps the furnace lighted

The beginning and ending are quite effective; in between, feels like something is missing.

You're right, and I believe I fixed it. My intention wasn't that she was looking out the window, but it sounded a lot like it. Revisions above.

[CRNDLSM]

Jewelry and flora
thrust into the furnace,
stretches oddly  pretty vivid image, I imagine both hanging just out of reach of catching fire (flora) 


When she rests
in bed at night– I don't know what this has to do with anything, maybe the fuel is to get her out of bed


condensation
on a window ii don't remember which way condensation works, it must be cold outside if the furnace is lit 


Tilted; crossed,
lest she look directly I don't quite understand what's tilted or crossed, could be the girl, the window, the jewelry, al the above, but why prevent her looking? Would it prevent her from being motivated? I'm imagining something in the setting is the fuel to move her since she's resting, but maybe it's the fuel to relax her


Jewelry and flora
keeps the furnace lighted, I was at first caught by 'lighted' since naturally I want to say 'lit' but the jewelry would be lighted the Flora lighted the furnace being lighted is more beautiful than lit, 

I like what you have here, but I want more, short form is hard cause you can always make it shorter, long form is hard because you can lose interest real quick.

Thanks for sharing!

[Semicircle]

Jewelry and flora
thrust into the furnace,
stretches oddly  pretty vivid image, I imagine both hanging just out of reach of catching fire (flora) 


When she rests
in bed at night– I don't know what this has to do with anything, maybe the fuel is to get her out of bed


condensation
on a window ii don't remember which way condensation works, it must be cold outside if the furnace is lit 


Tilted; crossed,
lest she look directly I don't quite understand what's tilted or crossed, could be the girl, the window, the jewelry, al the above, but why prevent her looking? Would it prevent her from being motivated? I'm imagining something in the setting is the fuel to move her since she's resting, but maybe it's the fuel to relax her


Jewelry and flora
keeps the furnace lighted, I was at first caught by 'lighted' since naturally I want to say 'lit' but the jewelry would be lighted the Flora lighted the furnace being lighted is more beautiful than lit, 

I like what you have here, but I want more, short form is hard cause you can always make it shorter, long form is hard because you can lose interest real quick.

Thanks for sharing!

The man watches from outside, his breath staining the window.
Careful not to catch her eye; though, she grows disdainful.
He watches her at night– when she cannot be disturbed.
Gifts make her face stretch oddly, which keeps the furnace burning.
He is cold but can find fuel out in the woods
to keep her warm: the cinders churning.



This is a more elaborate version of the tale. Which was what I was going for in the original.

Thank you!