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Only love (Edit 1.0)
There is love,
and those against it,
through the ages. Love,
and the memory
of autumnal branches
gnawing at the moon.
Love, and the cry
of Achilles, through the ages.
Original version
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(03-19-2022, 04:20 AM)busker Wrote: Only love
There is only love
and those against it,
through the ages. Only love,
and an autumnal memory
like trees in microburbs
soaring towards the moon;
only love, and the cry
of Achilles, through the ages.
I feel like the poem would read stronger if you struck "only" everywhere but in the title. There's a cliche feel to repeating "only love" that somehow gets a pass when it's in the title. Plus the title implies the "only" to the rest of the piece.
Posts: 471
Threads: 204
Joined: Dec 2017
That.....is very good feedback. Removing 'only', and leaving but 'love'....yeah, point taken.
I retained it in the first line, which sounds off to my ear otherwise