The Daughter of Caelus

[FrenchToast]

(The Roman pantheon is not what I am taken to but I thought the representation would do splendidly)

My mind melts into the blackened chaos,
attempting to trace the starry host
in the corners of my mind.
My heart and that sky bleed the same darkness.

Do you ever think that across the celestial arch, 
someone views your energy from the corners of their soul?
Is it perceptible that a human should engage
in the disjointed dysphoria of watching you dance 
in visions after twilight?

I hope wherever you are
daughter of Caelus,
that your eyes are fixed,
my dear,
on the celestial bodies that glint with radiance
above the bountiful atmosphere.

My only other remaining hope 
is that your memories are fond
and not growing dim
as mine.

Oh, daughter of Caelus, remember the days.
Remember us in a glorious way.

[busker]

I like the ending, with its rhyming couplet
A few thoughts:
1) there’s no need to explain your poem. The preface at the start does just that. Yes, it’s apparent that you aren’t referring to the real daughter of Caelus. It’s an allusion and a stand in for someone else
2) you might want to cut down on the abstractions and cliches - “bountiful”, “celestial”, “glint with radiance”, “corners of their soul” etc

But a good effort overall.
Thanks for posting.

[Tiger the Lion]

(The Roman pantheon is not what I am taken to but I thought the representation would do splendidly) Splendid

My mind melts into the blackened chaos,
attempting to trace the starry host
in the corners of my mind. Cliche
My heart and that sky bleed the same darkness.

Do you ever think that across the celestial arch, 
someone views your energy from the corners of their soul? More corners?
Is it perceptible that a human should engage
in the disjointed dysphoria of watching you dance 
in visions after twilight?

I hope wherever you are
oh, daughter of Caelus,
that your eyes are fixed,
my dear,
on the celestial bodies that glint with radiance
above the bountiful atmosphere.

My only other remaining hope "only" or "other" not both
is that your memories are fond
and not growing dim
as mine.

Oh, daughter of Caelus, remember the days.
Remember us in a glorious way.

I wouldn't address her as "oh, daughter of Caelus" twice in such a short span. Too much drama. Comes across as mock English theater.