It Holds A New Meaning

[ISawASpaceship]

My head is a mess and I won't lie,
the thing in my chest craves distraction
and amongst the myriad of choices
my addled brain
searches for the poison
that will satisfy
my yearnings,
if only for the night.


My hands
reach for a warm cup of English Breakfast tea
and I breathe
and exhale,
shaking ever so slightly,
as the need consumes my body
and I let my feelings flood me,
drowning me from within
but instead, 
I deal with them
because I will not abandon my goal this time.


I will fight the desire
that surges through me,
intensifying in speed,
and I will resist the urge to go and buy
that which I have told him
that I will not take
for my sake,
for his sake
I will not take
the venom
that I have withheld myself from
for seven days.

Thank God it's Friday.
Am I right?

[Kerbonzo_beenz]

I can relate all to well to the feeling of craving distraction. I struggle with it day to day. I appreciate that you can bring light to your struggle, it makes me feel less alone out there. I appreciate your work, it is engaging and consistently good. Make more, I enjoy.

[ISawASpaceship]

I can relate all to well to the feeling of craving distraction. I struggle with it day to day. I appreciate that you can bring light to your struggle, it makes me feel less alone out there. I appreciate your work, it is engaging and consistently good. Make more, I enjoy.

I've never been one to hide the vast majority of my struggles. We all bleed red and everything that a human being is struggling with has already and is currently (probably) being struggled with, at the moment. To put it simply, there's no point in hiding our weaknesses because everyone has them and humans become stronger when they work together. 

Westley (the guy I mentioned earlier) had been attempting to get me to stop drinking copious amounts alcohol and has put up with me unfortunately for the last three months (roughly) when I've been drunk. Let's just say that I send a lot of drunken texts. The alcohol truly has been ruining my life for....about five or six months, actually. The problem was there before I met him because I was trying to numb my pain. After he left, I started drinking more than I had been but I started realizing it was affecting him emotionally or at least that was my perception from what he wrote. I resolved to stop because I could no longer continue knowing that it was hurting him. 

I've done it twice now since I told him I wouldn't but now it's been a full week since I've been sober. My body still craves it, although it's gotten easier. He's a miracle to me. That man is a friggin hero. I don't know what I'd do without him. I've been falling apart emotionally ever since he created distance but I'm glad he's still puts up with me. He knows that he's can motivate me to do things and the encouragement is a truly beautiful thing. 

I'm happy that there's someone else who understands me, though, and I hope that your struggle gets easier, as well.