Oh Achilles
#1
Oh Achilles

I’ll remember you
wrapped in a duvet
like a mummy but breathing,
at peace with the blackness
and silence of wells
from where memories climb out
at night, on all fours.


Oh, Achilles,
the fields are reeking 
with ghosts.
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#2
Quite nice.  (I did, mistaking the "h" for an "n" in the title, agree that "Achilles" would be an excellent name for a reindeer - fleet of foot, but too many syllables for Those Other Poems.)

On the *actual* poem, I picture this as spoken by Patroclus in the Underworld where his great friend had sent so many - for Achilles was swift but always toward the fight, and never failed to return until that unfortunate shot to the ankle, after Patroclus' had become a shade.  The paramount killer's lovable side, from one who could love his ability to sleep soundly after slaughter.

So, what, the waters of Lethe didn't take against a love so great?  Or was Patroclus heroic enough to skip the draft and take up residence in the Elysian Fields?
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#3
I'm having trouble fitting Achilles into that duvet.

I really like and can grasp the first stanza, then Achilles shows up (I think I ignored title on first reading).  Duvet is such a modern word.  Then, he is also still breathing.

TqB
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#4
Hi duke, TqB. Thanks for your comments. There was another strophe that made the connection between S1 and S2 more apparent, but I cut it out because it was quite bad. But having done that has made the poem clear as mud. Back to the drawing board, I think.
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#5
Before it leaves, I do want to say how great I thought that first stanza was  Wink
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#6
Edit posted
The identity of Achilles - historical or otherwise is up to the reader to interpret in his own way

Posted too soon - have removed, will revisit later
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#7
I have what might be a very stupid read on this, but for me Achilles is a dead cat. The duvet, like a mummy, but breathing…memories crawl out on all fours. It’s like you’re remembering a dead cat?

Anyway, even if I’m completely off base, the images are so beautifully rendered here.

(09-10-2021, 08:27 PM)busker Wrote:  Oh Achilles

I’ll remember you
wrapped in a duvet
like a mummy but breathing,
at peace with the blackness
and silence of wells
from where memories climb out
at night, on all fours.


Oh, Achilles,
the fields are reeking 
with ghosts.
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