"Wisdom."

[Ris Yerg]

Sunset.
Something came to an end -
Whispers in a crown of an old oak
A young, tired breeze.
No, rustled the oak, something starts.
Night.

[billy]

i love these Ris. personally i think you should pic the best of them
including this one, and do a chap book or even just a small pocket book of them
it feels really rustic

have you checked out the suggestion forum. we're discussing
the rep point system and how to get rid of it for poets without it affecting non poets.

[Ris Yerg]

Thank you, Billy!
You are very kind!
And me, yep, I'm very lazy, Ha-ha, amateur. Not much. For me poetry is a way, as one girl in other place said, "to shout out" my emotions ... Though, of course, I would not mind to publish some works.
Thanks, R.Y.

[billy]

i'm trying to make it so we are all seen as amateur. or at least equal.
because i think we are. i don't believe in the them and us system.
hopefully within a couple of days. poets here won't have the rep system.

[madA]

one of your best
meant to give 5 stars
but clicked 1 by error!

[Ris Yerg]

Hi, madA!
It doesn't matter at all! 1 or 5 , Ha-ha!
The matter is - your kind words!
R.Y.

[heslopian]

Sunset.
Something came to an end -
Whispers in a crown of an old oak
A young, tired breeze. Would this couplet make sense the other way around, so "A young, tired breeze" leads into "Whispers"?
No, rustled the oak, something starts. The switch from past to present tense is a little jarring. Would this line work better like this: "No, it rustled the oak; something has started:"?
Night.

Other than my gripes above, this is a charming short verse. I've read so many sunset poems that the first word made me wince a bit, but then my knee-jerk reaction was put to shame with the lines that followed.