The Hanging

[Gerryswo]

Hi,

This is my first posting. I'm not sure I'm posting in the right place. I'm hoping someone will tell me if I'm doing this wrong.

THE HANGING

Arms and legs spread wide
the body floated down the smooth river
like the Vitruvian man,
gracefully undulating in the gentle waves.
Caught in the swirl of a persistent eddy
it turned as if on a Lazy Susan
and found itself being pushed down a tributary, feet first,
like a breeched birth.
A silk scarf,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck,
brilliant orange
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
snagged on a length of detritus jutting out from the shore;
a dead tree branch.
The arms and legs of the body collapsed together
like a closed jackknife
as it tried unsuccessfully to obey the will of the moving river
and continue downstream,
but found itself instead swaying in the water as if it had been hanged.
 
Not long before,
a man had stood,
wavering,
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.
Listening for a moment to the lure of a dark river
temporarily swallowed in shadow,
he’d finally leapt out over the black ribbon of water.
The note that he’d thought would remain behind,
instead followed him down,
drifting like a leaf,
landing softly in the water.
It followed him like a little white raft
before gradually slipping beneath the water like an eye closing.

[CRNDLSM]

I don't really know how much critique you want but this is some basic feedback from me.  I like the words you use here and the images expressed, right away I thought there were too many 'like's (highlighted below).  Some are fine but some I think could be reworded without the 'like'.  Thank for posting!

THE HANGING

Arms and legs spread wide
the body floated down the smooth river
like the Vitruvian man,
gracefully undulating in the gentle waves.
Caught in the swirl of a persistent eddy
it turned as if on a Lazy Susan
and found itself being pushed down a tributary, feet first,
like a breeched birth.
A silk scarf,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck,
brilliant orange
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
snagged on a length of detritus jutting out from the shore;
a dead tree branch.
The arms and legs of the body collapsed together
like a closed jackknife
as it tried unsuccessfully to obey the will of the moving river
and continue downstream,
but found itself instead swaying in the water as if it had been hanged.
 
Not long before,
a man had stood,
wavering,
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.
Listening for a moment to the lure of a dark river
temporarily swallowed in shadow,
he’d finally leapt out over the black ribbon of water.
The note that he’d thought would remain behind,
instead followed him down,
drifting like a leaf,
landing softly in the water.
It followed him like a little white raft
before gradually slipping beneath the water like an eye closing.
[/quote]

[TranquillityBase]

Hi,

This is my first posting. I'm not sure I'm posting in the right place. I'm hoping someone will tell me if I'm doing this wrong.

THE HANGING

Arms and legs spread wide
the body floated down the smooth river
like the Vitruvian man,                                   I had to look this up, which is not necessarily a bad thing.  I think it should be second line.
gracefully undulating in the gentle waves.
Caught in the swirl of a persistent eddy
it turned as if on a Lazy Susan
and found itself being pushed down a tributary, feet first,
like a breeched birth.
A silk scarf,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck,
brilliant orange
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
snagged on a length of detritus jutting out from the shore;
a dead tree branch.                                               move this line up to end previous liine
The arms and legs of the body collapsed together
like a closed jackknife
as it tried unsuccessfully to obey the will of the moving river
and continue downstream,
but found itself instead swaying in the water as if it had been hanged.    move this down to form a new line
 
Not long before,
a man had stood,
wavering,                  move this up to end previous line
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.        I think you could cut this line without harming the narrative.
Listening for a moment to the lure of a dark river
temporarily swallowed in shadow,
he’d finally leapt out over the black ribbon of water.         Since you note the way the note hit the water, perhaps something about the body hitting the water
The note that he’d thought would remain behind,
instead followed him down,
drifting like a leaf,
landing softly in the water.
It followed him, like a little white raft
before gradually slipping beneath the water like an eye closing.  break this line and make this your last line

I enjoyed reading this poem, and it carries the reader along, is full of surprises, and good imagery.  As you can see, I suggested a number of cuts, mainly the "like"s and a number of adjectives.  I don't think the adjectives are needed.  They delay the narrative and clutter the imagery.

A fine first posting.  I hope it's OK that I did more than a Basic critique.

TqB

[Gerryswo]

I don't really know how much critique you want but this is some basic feedback from me.  I like the words you use here and the images expressed, right away I thought there were too many 'like's (highlighted below).  Some are fine but some I think could be reworded without the 'like'.  Thank for posting!

Thank you for your response. I thought there might've been too many "likes">

THE HANGING

Arms and legs spread wide
the body floated down the smooth river
like the Vitruvian man,
gracefully undulating in the gentle waves.
Caught in the swirl of a persistent eddy
it turned as if on a Lazy Susan
and found itself being pushed down a tributary, feet first,
like a breeched birth.
A silk scarf,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck,
brilliant orange
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
snagged on a length of detritus jutting out from the shore;
a dead tree branch.
The arms and legs of the body collapsed together
like a closed jackknife
as it tried unsuccessfully to obey the will of the moving river
and continue downstream,
but found itself instead swaying in the water as if it had been hanged.
 
Not long before,
a man had stood,
wavering,
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.
Listening for a moment to the lure of a dark river
temporarily swallowed in shadow,
he’d finally leapt out over the black ribbon of water.
The note that he’d thought would remain behind,
instead followed him down,
drifting like a leaf,
landing softly in the water.
It followed him like a little white raft
before gradually slipping beneath the water like an eye closing.

[/quote]

---

Hi,

Thank you for your response. I should've noted that I wanted an intense critique (or posted it elsewhere). Many or your suggestions make sense to me and will be incorporated into Revision 1.

This is my first posting. I'm not sure I'm posting in the right place. I'm hoping someone will tell me if I'm doing this wrong.

THE HANGING

Arms and legs spread wide
the body floated down the smooth river
like the Vitruvian man,                                   I had to look this up, which is not necessarily a bad thing.  I think it should be second line.
gracefully undulating in the gentle waves.
Caught in the swirl of a persistent eddy
it turned as if on a Lazy Susan
and found itself being pushed down a tributary, feet first,
like a breeched birth.
A silk scarf,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck,
brilliant orange
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
snagged on a length of detritus jutting out from the shore;
a dead tree branch.                                               move this line up to end previous liine
The arms and legs of the body collapsed together
like a closed jackknife
as it tried unsuccessfully to obey the will of the moving river
and continue downstream,
but found itself instead swaying in the water as if it had been hanged.    move this down to form a new line
 
Not long before,
a man had stood,
wavering,                  move this up to end previous line
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.        I think you could cut this line without harming the narrative.
Listening for a moment to the lure of a dark river
temporarily swallowed in shadow,
he’d finally leapt out over the black ribbon of water.         Since you note the way the note hit the water, perhaps something about the body hitting the water
The note that he’d thought would remain behind,
instead followed him down,
drifting like a leaf,
landing softly in the water.
It followed him, like a little white raft
before gradually slipping beneath the water like an eye closing.  break this line and make this your last line

I enjoyed reading this poem, and it carries the reader along, is full of surprises, and good imagery.  As you can see, I suggested a number of cuts, mainly the "like"s and a number of adjectives.  I don't think the adjectives are needed.  They delay the narrative and clutter the imagery.

A fine first posting.  I hope it's OK that I did more than a Basic critique.

TqB

---

I don't really know how much critique you want but this is some basic feedback from me.  I like the words you use here and the images expressed, right away I thought there were too many 'like's (highlighted below).  Some are fine but some I think could be reworded without the 'like'.  Thank for posting!

Thanks for critiquing. I should've mentioned I wanted an intense critique (or posted it elsewhere). I agree with the "likes" issue.

THE HANGING

Arms and legs spread wide
the body floated down the smooth river
like the Vitruvian man,
gracefully undulating in the gentle waves.
Caught in the swirl of a persistent eddy
it turned as if on a Lazy Susan
and found itself being pushed down a tributary, feet first,
like a breeched birth.
A silk scarf,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck,
brilliant orange
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
snagged on a length of detritus jutting out from the shore;
a dead tree branch.
The arms and legs of the body collapsed together
like a closed jackknife
as it tried unsuccessfully to obey the will of the moving river
and continue downstream,
but found itself instead swaying in the water as if it had been hanged.
 
Not long before,
a man had stood,
wavering,
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.
Listening for a moment to the lure of a dark river
temporarily swallowed in shadow,
he’d finally leapt out over the black ribbon of water.
The note that he’d thought would remain behind,
instead followed him down,
drifting like a leaf,
landing softly in the water.
It followed him like a little white raft
before gradually slipping beneath the water like an eye closing.

[/quote]

[James Rhys]

Hi,

This is my first posting. I'm not sure I'm posting in the right place. I'm hoping someone will tell me if I'm doing this wrong.

THE HANGING

Arms and legs spread wide
the body floated down the smooth river
like the Vitruvian man,
gracefully undulating in the gentle waves.
Caught in the swirl of a persistent eddy
it turned as if on a Lazy Susan
and found itself being pushed down a tributary, feet first,
like a breeched birth.
A silk scarf,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck,
brilliant orange
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
snagged on a length of detritus jutting out from the shore;
a dead tree branch.
The arms and legs of the body collapsed together
like a closed jackknife
as it tried unsuccessfully to obey the will of the moving river
and continue downstream,
but found itself instead swaying in the water as if it had been hanged.
 
Not long before,
a man had stood,
wavering,
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.
Listening for a moment to the lure of a dark river
temporarily swallowed in shadow,
he’d finally leapt out over the black ribbon of waterThe note that he’d thought would remain behind,r
instead followed him down,
drifting like a leaf,
landing softly in the water.
It followed him like a little white raft
before gradually slipping beneath the water like an eye closing.

So much that's good here. Just needs a slight collapse. 
For example:
Snagged a dead branch
And stuck, gently swinging
As if hung

[Knot]

.
Hi Gerryswo,
as other have already said, too many likes, (and repetitions of ideas, for instance a breech birth is, by definition, feet first, so why use the phrase 'feet first'? S1, L7-8)). And if you wanted intensive critique, why not simply post in Intensive?. Anyway ...

some cut and paste thoughts.

like the Vitruvian man, the body
floated down the smooth river ............................ surely there's something better than 'smooth'?
gracefully undulating, Caught in the swirl .......... 'gracefully undulating isn't saying much of interest.
of a persistent eddy, it turned
and found itself being pushed down
a tributary, like a breeched birth.

A silk scarf, brilliant orange ..............................and this is relevant, why? (Misleads, doesn't it?)
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck, ................what was the point of the 'detritus line' if all it was was a 'dead branch'? (And 'puffy' in the circumstances, is quite weak)
snagged on a dead tree branch.
and found itself swaying in the water
as if hanged

............. it all rather loses its way at the end, the note, the closing eye, none of it feels like it concludes/resolves any of the earlier thoughts/images. I wonder if you might leave it a bit more open ended and in these lines
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.
rather than the clunky 'temporary balance' return to the Virtuvian man image - have him adopt that pose on the guard rail, something like

Not long before a man had stood
on the deserted bridge's guard rail
Arms and legs spread wide
letting go of the support rod .............. are they rods? Genuine question
Listening to the lure of a dark river


(of course, the title really misleads).



Best, Knot


.

[Gerryswo]

.
Hi Gerryswo,
as other have already said, too many likes, (and repetitions of ideas, for instance a breech birth is, by definition, feet first, so why use the phrase 'feet first'? S1, L7-8)). And if you wanted intensive critique, why not simply post in Intensive?. Anyway ...

some cut and paste thoughts.

like the Vitruvian man, the body
floated down the smooth river ............................ surely there's something better than 'smooth'?
gracefully undulating, Caught in the swirl .......... 'gracefully undulating isn't saying much of interest.
of a persistent eddy, it turned
and found itself being pushed down
a tributary, like a breeched birth.

A silk scarf, brilliant orange ..............................and this is relevant, why? (Misleads, doesn't it?)
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck, ................what was the point of the 'detritus line' if all it was was a 'dead branch'? (And 'puffy' in the circumstances, is quite weak)
snagged on a dead tree branch.
and found itself swaying in the water
as if hanged

............. it all rather loses its way at the end, the note, the closing eye, none of it feels like it concludes/resolves any of the earlier thoughts/images. I wonder if you might leave it a bit more open ended and in these lines
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.
rather than the clunky 'temporary balance' return to the Virtuvian man image - have him adopt that pose on the guard rail, something like

Not long before a man had stood
on the deserted bridge's guard rail
Arms and legs spread wide
letting go of the support rod .............. are they rods? Genuine question
Listening to the lure of a dark river


(of course, the title really misleads).



Best, Knot


.

Thank you for your input.
I didn't know where was the best place to submit a poem for the best critique. This was my first post.
You made some very good comments, especially about "detritus" and 'breeched birth". 
I'm not too sure why the scarf color was misleading.
I agree, the ending needs some improvement

[Tiger the Lion]

Hello Gerry. There's a lot to like here. For the most part I agree with the comments and observations above. You could probably cut your word count by about 1/3 without really losing anything. Having said that, more than anything I would suggest not rushing to post an edit. There's a lot to digest here and too many of us rush to edit and too often lose the spirit of the thing. I say that because it's a pretty damn good poem for a first posting. Lots that could be cut, but always measure twice first

I'll be back to give more of a line by line. Need a few more reads.
Paul

Hi,

This is my first posting. I'm not sure I'm posting in the right place. I'm hoping someone will tell me if I'm doing this wrong.

THE HANGING

Arms and legs spread wide
the body floated down the smooth river
like the Vitruvian man,
gracefully undulating in the gentle waves.
Caught in the swirl of a persistent eddy
it turned as if on a Lazy Susan
and found itself being pushed down a tributary, feet first,
like a breeched birth.
A silk scarf,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck,
brilliant orange
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
snagged on a length of detritus jutting out from the shore;
a dead tree branch.
The arms and legs of the body collapsed together
like a closed jackknife
as it tried unsuccessfully to obey the will of the moving river
and continue downstream,
but found itself instead swaying in the water as if it had been hanged.
 
Not long before,
a man had stood,
wavering,
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.
Listening for a moment to the lure of a dark river
temporarily swallowed in shadow,
he’d finally leapt out over the black ribbon of water.
The note that he’d thought would remain behind,
instead followed him down,
drifting like a leaf,
landing softly in the water.
It followed him like a little white raft
before gradually slipping beneath the water like an eye closing.

[Knot]

I'm not too sure why the scarf color was misleading.

Not the colour, but the scarf itself. If he hangs himself, rather than jumps and drowns, that might be made clearer. Does the scarf tear, is that why he ends up in the water? Also, does a body remain in a 'Vitruvian Man' shape in the water, or does friction act on the limbs pushing/drawing them into the body? (I don't know, just asking).

Best, Knot

.

[TranquillityBase]

I'm not too sure why the scarf color was misleading.

Not the colour, but the scarf itself. If he hangs himself, rather than jumps and drowns, that might be made clearer. Does the scarf tear, is that why he ends up in the water? Also, does a body remain in a 'Vitruvian Man' shape in the water, or does friction act on the limbs pushing/drawing them into the body? (I don't know, just asking).

The title is a bit misleading.  I thought that too, but as I read it, realized he drowned himself, the hanging came later.

[Knot]

 as I read it, realized he drowned himself, the hanging came later.

That was my thought too, but then, why mention the scarf?

[TranquillityBase]

 as I read it, realized he drowned himself, the hanging came later.

That was my thought too, but then, why mention the scarf?

The scarf has to be there for him to be hung by the snag/the river.  That's how it became a "hanging".  Leastwise that was my understanding.  That was one of the interesting surprises of the poem, for me.  I began reading thinking he was going to hang himself, but he didn't!  Voila!

[Knot]

The scarf has to be there for him to be hung by the snag/the river.  That's how it became a "hanging".  Leastwise that was my understanding.  That was one of the interesting surprises of the poem, for me.  I began reading thinking he was going to hang himself, but he didn't!  Voila!

Hmmm. I take your point .... switching to PM

[Gerryswo]

I'm not too sure why the scarf color was misleading.

Not the colour, but the scarf itself. If he hangs himself, rather than jumps and drowns, that might be made clearer. Does the scarf tear, is that why he ends up in the water? Also, does a body remain in a 'Vitruvian Man' shape in the water, or does friction act on the limbs pushing/drawing them into the body? (I don't know, just asking).

Best, Knot

.

Thank you for the clarification

---

Hello Gerry. There's a lot to like here. For the most part I agree with the comments and observations above. You could probably cut your word count by about 1/3 without really losing anything. Having said that, more than anything I would suggest not rushing to post an edit. There's a lot to digest here and too many of us rush to edit and too often lose the spirit of the thing. I say that because it's a pretty damn good poem for a first posting. Lots that could be cut, but always measure twice first

I'll be back to give more of a line by line. Need a few more reads.
Paul

Hi,

This is my first posting. I'm not sure I'm posting in the right place. I'm hoping someone will tell me if I'm doing this wrong.

THE HANGING

Arms and legs spread wide
the body floated down the smooth river
like the Vitruvian man,
gracefully undulating in the gentle waves.
Caught in the swirl of a persistent eddy
it turned as if on a Lazy Susan
and found itself being pushed down a tributary, feet first,
like a breeched birth.
A silk scarf,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck,
brilliant orange
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
snagged on a length of detritus jutting out from the shore;
a dead tree branch.
The arms and legs of the body collapsed together
like a closed jackknife
as it tried unsuccessfully to obey the will of the moving river
and continue downstream,
but found itself instead swaying in the water as if it had been hanged.
 
Not long before,
a man had stood,
wavering,
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.
Listening for a moment to the lure of a dark river
temporarily swallowed in shadow,
he’d finally leapt out over the black ribbon of water.
The note that he’d thought would remain behind,
instead followed him down,
drifting like a leaf,
landing softly in the water.
It followed him like a little white raft
before gradually slipping beneath the water like an eye closing.

Thank you for your input. I plan on digesting all the comments before submitting an edit. On that score, where do I submit the edit when it's time. Overwrite the original or post as if it were a brand new poem.

[Quixilated]

Thank you for your input. I plan on digesting all the comments before submitting an edit. On that score, where do I submit the edit when it's time. Overwrite the original or post as if it were a brand new poem.

You can post your edit in this same thread.  Just choose the edit option and edit the original post.  Most people opt to keep the original version of the poem as well to keep track of the progress.  If you do this, please post the newest version at the top so that new readers will see and respond to it first.  There is code for hiding the original poem in a spoiler box if you want a cleaner look.  


—Quix

[Gerryswo]

 as I read it, realized he drowned himself, the hanging came later.

That was my thought too, but then, why mention the scarf?

The scarf has to be there for him to be hung by the snag/the river.  That's how it became a "hanging".  Leastwise that was my understanding.  That was one of the interesting surprises of the poem, for me.  I began reading thinking he was going to hang himself, but he didn't!  Voila!

You're correct.

[Knot]

.

Hi Gerry,

thanks for confirming TqB's reading.

The problem for me, though, is that mention of the scarf arrives to late in the poem for the revelation that the hanging refers to getting snagged to be either surprising or interesting. Were it closer to the beginning (and more importantly nearer the title and further away from the reveal) it might be more effective. Unlike TqB I never thought he was going to hang himself (a failure of the imagination, on my part, most likely).

Best, Knot

.

[Gerryswo]

.

Hi Gerry,

thanks for confirming TqB's reading.

The problem for me, though, is that mention of the scarf arrives to late in the poem for the revelation that the hanging refers to getting snagged to be either surprising or interesting. Were it closer to the beginning (and more importantly nearer the title and further away from the reveal) it might be more effective. Unlike TqB I never thought he was going to hang himself (a failure of the imagination, on my part, most likely).

Best, Knot

.

Thank you for your thoughts. I will take the placement of the reveal knot account in my edit.

[busker]

Hi,

This is my first posting. I'm not sure I'm posting in the right place. I'm hoping someone will tell me if I'm doing this wrong.

THE HANGING

Arms and legs spread wide
the body floated down the smooth river
like the Vitruvian man,
gracefully undulating in the gentle waves.
Caught in the swirl of a persistent eddy
it turned as if on a Lazy Susan
and found itself being pushed down a tributary, feet first,
like a breeched birth.
A silk scarf,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck,
brilliant orange
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
snagged on a length of detritus jutting out from the shore;
a dead tree branch.
The arms and legs of the body collapsed together
like a closed jackknife
as it tried unsuccessfully to obey the will of the moving river
and continue downstream,
but found itself instead swaying in the water as if it had been hanged.
 
Not long before,
a man had stood,
wavering,
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.
Listening for a moment to the lure of a dark river
temporarily swallowed in shadow,
he’d finally leapt out over the black ribbon of water.
The note that he’d thought would remain behind,
instead followed him down,
drifting like a leaf,
landing softly in the water.
It followed him like a little white raft
before gradually slipping beneath the water like an eye closing.

For a dead body, particularly a clothed one, to resurface and bob about on the surface of the water takes a while. For the gases from decomposition to build up in the body cavity and make it float. So the 'not long before' is not a credible observation.
The change from a gentle, undulating river with a slowly swirling eddy to one that is pushing the body along down a tributary is too sudden.
I am also confused about the width of the river. If it's reflecting the sky and yet has trees on the shore, it would be a reasonably wide river, which means that the body could get caught on a jutting branch only if it were already close to the shore. but then it wouldn't be moving around like in a lazy susan....
overall, there's too much that is not realistic.

[Gerryswo]

.
Hi Gerryswo,
as other have already said, too many likes, (and repetitions of ideas, for instance a breech birth is, by definition, feet first, so why use the phrase 'feet first'? S1, L7-8)). And if you wanted intensive critique, why not simply post in Intensive?. Anyway ...

some cut and paste thoughts.

like the Vitruvian man, the body
floated down the smooth river ............................ surely there's something better than 'smooth'?
gracefully undulating, Caught in the swirl .......... 'gracefully undulating isn't saying much of interest.
of a persistent eddy, it turned
and found itself being pushed down
a tributary, like a breeched birth.

A silk scarf, brilliant orange ..............................and this is relevant, why? (Misleads, doesn't it?)
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck, ................what was the point of the 'detritus line' if all it was was a 'dead branch'? (And 'puffy' in the circumstances, is quite weak)
snagged on a dead tree branch.
and found itself swaying in the water
as if hanged

............. it all rather loses its way at the end, the note, the closing eye, none of it feels like it concludes/resolves any of the earlier thoughts/images. I wonder if you might leave it a bit more open ended and in these lines
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.
rather than the clunky 'temporary balance' return to the Virtuvian man image - have him adopt that pose on the guard rail, something like

Not long before a man had stood
on the deserted bridge's guard rail
Arms and legs spread wide
letting go of the support rod .............. are they rods? Genuine question
Listening to the lure of a dark river


(of course, the title really misleads).



Best, Knot


.

Too many "the"s?

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Hi,

This is my first posting. I'm not sure I'm posting in the right place. I'm hoping someone will tell me if I'm doing this wrong.

THE HANGING

Arms and legs spread wide
the body floated down the smooth river
like the Vitruvian man,
gracefully undulating in the gentle waves.
Caught in the swirl of a persistent eddy
it turned as if on a Lazy Susan
and found itself being pushed down a tributary, feet first,
like a breeched birth.
A silk scarf,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck,
brilliant orange
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
snagged on a length of detritus jutting out from the shore;
a dead tree branch.
The arms and legs of the body collapsed together
like a closed jackknife
as it tried unsuccessfully to obey the will of the moving river
and continue downstream,
but found itself instead swaying in the water as if it had been hanged.
 
Not long before,
a man had stood,
wavering,
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.
Listening for a moment to the lure of a dark river
temporarily swallowed in shadow,
he’d finally leapt out over the black ribbon of water.
The note that he’d thought would remain behind,
instead followed him down,
drifting like a leaf,
landing softly in the water.
It followed him like a little white raft
before gradually slipping beneath the water like an eye closing.

For a dead body, particularly a clothed one, to resurface and bob about on the surface of the water takes a while. For the gases from decomposition to build up in the body cavity and make it float. So the 'not long before' is not a credible observation.
The change from a gentle, undulating river with a slowly swirling eddy to one that is pushing the body along down a tributary is too sudden.
I am also confused about the width of the river. If it's reflecting the sky and yet has trees on the shore, it would be a reasonably wide river, which means that the body could get caught on a jutting branch only if it were already close to the shore. but then it wouldn't be moving around like in a lazy susan....
overall, there's too much that is not realistic.

Some very good points. Thank you.