Dawn Psalm
#1
Dawn Psalm


A walking sweater trots across a barren
field, searching for a Judas tree.

Somehow the dried out riverbeds
that weave through ancient rocks are warped

as if a vengeful lord maligned by time
shatters busts and scrapes out names,

leaving behind a rod, a cup
that never overflows, a seat

before a wolf -- a snarl -- a gleaming
pair of shears. "It's called an exultation,

dear, and thou art the roast."
Is it mercy, then, that springs

the sheep to where two mighty trees --
one oak, one linden -- intertwine?



A walking sweater trots across a barren
field, searching for a Judas tree.

Somehow the dried out riverbeds
that weave through ancient rock are warped,

like busts shattered and names scratched out
to vengeance a lord maligned by time,

to evil things: a staff, a cup
that never overflows, a seat

before a wolf -- a snarl -- a gleaming
pair of shears. "It's called an exultation,

dear, and thou art the roast."
Is it mercy, then, that springs

the sheep to where two mighty trees --
one oak, one linden -- intertwine?
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#2
.
Hi River,
you lose me with 'to vengeance' - I don't know what that means.
Similarly 'to evil things'
(and you don't need either comma in the first four lines).

Best, Knot


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#3
Hi River, I too get lost after the vengeance line until the wolf line but I seem to pick it up again with the wolf line.  The evil things are intriguing but like a different poem, or too brief.  i really like the combination of modernity and medievalism.
"Poetry is the rhythmic, inevitably narrative, movement from an overclothed blindness to a naked vision."  Dylan Thomas
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#4
thanks for the feedback! revised the problem lines to what i hope is some satisfaction. the comma in the second line i left behind, as it left a deadening stop i kinda like.
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#5
Very much improved your narrative.  I am still in a little puzzled by the action of last two lines, but that’s my problem.  Lots of lingering mysteries in the poem but that’s not a bad thing.

This poem reminds me of the song in Orff’s Carmina Burana called The Roasted Swan.

Thanks for sharing revision.
"Poetry is the rhythmic, inevitably narrative, movement from an overclothed blindness to a naked vision."  Dylan Thomas
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