Balance
#1
Edit: if someone could enlighten me on how to post something only once, or how to delete a thread, i would be very grateful. apologies for the multiples. 

Small amount of context: this poem started from the line "balance is not always symmetry " which was rattling around in my head after a support group session. I'm not sure if my point has truly gotten across and its been a relatively quick write but I'm curious to see what people who don't know my intention get out of it. 

Which weighs more, 
A hundred pounds of brick, 
Or of feathers? 
Months of daily struggle, 
or a few weeks of contentment, 
stolen? 
Which tastes sweeter, 
water that was never gone, 
or the memory of thirst quenched? 
Balance
is not always symmetry. 
Feathers take so much space 
to weigh anything at all, 
While just one brick can 
tip the scales. 
Something little, and hard, 
will never be something big and soft, 
even when the scales are in perfect 
balance. 
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#2
(06-08-2021, 04:44 AM)micah3801 Wrote:  Which weighs more, 
A hundred pounds of brick, 
Or of feathers? 
Months of daily struggle, 
or a few weeks of contentment, 
stolen? 
Which tastes sweeter, 
water that was never gone, 
or the memory of thirst quenched? 
Balance
is not always symmetry. 
Feathers take so much space 
to weigh anything at all, 
While just one brick can 
tip the scales. 
Something little, and hard, 
will never be something big and soft, 
even when the scales are in perfect 
balance. 

Micah, my basic critique would be you don’t need those one word lines.  Otherwise I thought it a great read.  The lines about water really got me as well as the phrase that started the poem.
"Poetry is the rhythmic, inevitably narrative, movement from an overclothed blindness to a naked vision."  Dylan Thomas
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#3
(06-08-2021, 04:44 AM)micah3801 Wrote:  Which weighs more, 
Aa hundred pounds of brick, 
Oor of feathers? 
Months of daily struggle, 
or a few weeks of contentment, 
stolen? 
Which tastes sweeter, 
water that was never gone, 
or the memory of thirst quenched? 
Balance
is not always symmetry. 
Feathers take so much space 
to weigh anything at all, 
Wwhile just one brick can 
tip the scales.                                            I like how you can use this both literally and figuratively
Something little small, and hard,               Using "small" here instead of "little" feels a bit more natural to me (and it alliterates with "something", which is a bonus) 
will never be something big and soft, 
even when the scales are in perfect 
balance. 

Enjoyed the read.
So, to answer your curiosity as to what people get out of your poem: for me it sounds as if it's saying "things can share a property, but that doesn't mean they're comparable, though unfortunately people use things sharing a property as an argument for them being exactly the same or having the same purpose".
Additionally, I have to admit I laughed a bit after reading the first three lines, because of the joke "a hundred punds of feathers weighs more because you also have to carry the weight of your conscience for plucking all those poor birds".
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#4
Balance Not Symmetry. No comma. Not: Balance, Not Symmetry. That would imply a distinction. It gives balance to nonsymmetry. Which?

Well that's the point of the points.

If you are dissatisfied with this meagre critique, I'm open to hear about it.
I like to go step by step with you so as not to make monkeywrench assumptions.
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#5
(06-08-2021, 06:07 AM)rowens Wrote:  Balance Not Symmetry. No comma. Not: Balance, Not Symmetry. That would imply a distinction. It gives balance to nonsymmetry. Which?

Well that's the point of the points.

If you are dissatisfied with this meagre critique, I'm open to hear about it.
I like to go step by step with you so as not to make monkeywrench assumptions.

If i understand correctly, you are saying that the comma implies a distinction? That is what im going for overall. The balance possible in nonsymmetry is what i'm trying to explore, such as a relationship of caretaking/care-getting being balanced while not symmetrical, or the amount of feathers on one side of the scale being vastly different from the amount of bricks. Or, like with the water lines, how one very difficult thing makes more of an impact than many easy things. Let me know if i've misinterpreted your comment, though!
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#6
Well, if you want to make a distinction, for the sake of the poem, that is perfectly legitimate.

I was commenting on the motto that inspired the poem.
That there really is no distinction. The judgement of what, or, who, is bricks or feathers seems to make a balance that is unnecessary.

Caretaking/Caregiving.
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#7
(06-08-2021, 04:44 AM)micah3801 Wrote:  Edit: if someone could enlighten me on how to post something only once, or how to delete a thread, i would be very grateful. apologies for the multiples. 

Small amount of context: this poem started from the line "balance is not always symmetry " which was rattling around in my head after a support group session. I'm not sure if my point has truly gotten across and its been a relatively quick write but I'm curious to see what people who don't know my intention get out of it. 

Which weighs more, 
A hundred pounds of brick, 
Or of feathers? 
Months of daily struggle, 
or a few weeks of contentment, 
stolen? 
Which tastes sweeter, 
water that was never gone, 
or the memory of thirst quenched? 
Balance
is not always symmetry. 
Feathers take so much space 
to weigh anything at all, 
While just one brick can 
tip the scales. 
Something little, and hard, 
will never be something big and soft, 
even when the scales are in perfect 
balance. 

Which weighs more, 
A hundred pounds of brick, 
Or of feathers? 

Months of daily struggle, 

or a few weeks of contentment, stolen?     I am getting mental health analogies (I can definite relate to this in that light). The line between hardship so present it makes the stability of the past seem small.

Which tastes sweeter, 

water that was never gone, 
or the memory of thirst quenched? 

Balance
is not always symmetry. 


Feathers take so much space 

to weigh anything at all, 
While just one brick can 
tip the scales.      I feel like there are a few different ways you could make this analogy to give it some life. I feel like when I think bricks I think of work and labor. The struggle and weight of survival

Something little, and hard, 

will never be something big and soft, 
even when the scales are in perfect 
balance.

This how I read this poem the second time, a suggestion that is super opinionated. Though I feel like it breaks up the points and ideas your making to draw you in to each detail. I enjoyed the level of simplicity, though the connotations of the content are almost endless. Awesome poem thanks for the post!
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Rob Cave
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