The Past

[billy]

With children of the damned eyes
I am stalked from the walls;
From toughened glass shelves
protecting their corner.
They cover the baby grand
Smirking, what do they know?
Leering jackanapes.
Leur petite décès caught.
I caught them all
before they became nice,
then mounted them in silver frames.

[waitingforgodet]

With children of the damned eyes
I am stalked from the walls;
From toughened glass shelves
protecting their corner.
They cover the baby grand
Smirking, what do they know?
Leering jackanapes.
Leur petite décès caught.
I caught them all
before they became nice,
then mounted them in silver frames.

Billy, I didn't have a clue to this poem until I looked up "jackanapes"--tell me, is this a poem about wild kids observing--watching--stalking men at work, perhaps homelss kids (damned eyes)? Then you juxtapose their natural state with the narrator's affluence (frames on the piano), perhaps the way a hunter might in photographing wild animals? I like this idea a lot. You've said a great deal in such a short poem. I don't read French. Is the French necessary? As I re-read the poem, I'm thinking that the last frontier is within our own town, namely, the kids here in horrible poverty, perhaps so foreign to those who have wealth--this entire premise, stated in only 11 lines opens up all kinds of possibilities.

I question, "before they became nice"--this line doesn't seem to fit with "damned eyes"--or are you stating that this concept applies to all children before they lose their innocence and become civilized? But if that's the case, why are the eyes damned? To me, anyway, "damned" is lost, forgotten, doomed and without hope.

Please tell me what your intent of this poem was. Also, while reading it a third or 4th time, I would question your punctuation. Would this work better?

Children with the damned eyes stalk me
from the walls of toughened glass shelves.

Protecting their corner,
they cover the baby grand.

Smirking, what do they know?
Leering Jackanapes.

I caught them all
before they became nice.
Mounted them in silver frames.

Does this help, or am I way off here?--jim

[Lawrence]

"With children of the damned eyes"
Haha, loved that! Shocking and unique.
"I am stalked from the walls;"
Rather plain. Do you think you could spice this up a bit?
"From toughened glass shelves"
"toughened" doesn't do it for me. It's an "okay" adjective, but it's my firm belief that only stellar adjectives thrive in poetry.
"protecting their corner."
This is fine.
"Leering jackanapes."
"I caught them all"
"Leur petite décès caught"
The reiteration of "caught" doesn't work for me.
before they became nice,
"then mounted them in silver frames. "
I love this. "Nice" is the only thing that makes
Me stumble. Mix-up. Last line is mixed up.

I enjoyed it! Very good, and a re-working would do it well. I'm guessing this relates to pictures or portraits. Not too much to say, as it's a short, pleasant, piece.

[billy]

okay guys, i don't usually do this but here's the rub. (who says that?)

i'm looking at photos of my children which are all around me. the toughened glass really exists.
and yes, jim. the red eye in the pictures remind of a time when they really were devils.

the reiteration of caught.

translates as

Their little deaths caught (as in a picture of a moment that can't be relived)
i caught them all so yes it relates to my kids pics to be precise

thanks for the great feedbacks guys. i have something to think about