Common Ground
#1
Common Ground

To the softness of dawn
we awaken, intertwined
wires, flowing with electricity,
eliciting a warm glow
from a naked bulb.
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#2
At first look, seeing five lines, I thought this might be a tanka.  And, allowing for language differences, it might well be.

Delightful in varied ways to read, enforced by brevity:  are "we" two people  entwined, etc., or two people metaphorically like electric currents... or two actual wires personified as having human qualities?

(There's probably a right answer but I'm moving, so I'm slow.)
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#3
Really enjoyed this one, Mark. Intertwined is a key word for me because it feels like electricity is a metaphor for sexuality at the same time as sexuality is a metaphor for electricity. The two intertwine to the point where you can hardly distinguish where one ends and the other begins. As though the two have a common ground . 
I'm not sure I'd mess with this at all, but part of me wonders if "charged" might be a stronger word than "flowing".
Thanks for the read. 


(05-28-2021, 05:46 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote:  Common Ground

To the softness of dawn
we awaken, intertwined
wires, flowing with electricity,
eliciting a warm glow
from a naked bulb.
Reply
#4
Hi Mark, I too really enjoyed this.....until the "naked bulb".  I associate that phrase with poverty and by the hour hotel rooms, or something like that.  For me, it's a let down.
“All persons, living or dead, are entirely coincidental.”  Kurt Vonnegut
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#5
.
Hi Mark,
thumbs up from me too.
My only reservation is the first line, do yo really need it?


Best, Knot


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#6
Hey all- thanks for the feedback...

d.aliean: There's probably a right answer :  YES

Paul: The older we get, the less we charge, it seems (also wanted the "L" sounds)

Tim:  "Praise the Lord, I saw the light", and the pink 15W can have a lovely glow. 

Knot: Wanted the 1st line to establish a specific time, when that "softness" switches to "on" for guys.

Once again, thanks everybody,
Mark
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