02-02-2011, 05:30 PM
If, after the end,
I get into heaven
It would be,
Of course,
Second-hand ...
I get into heaven
It would be,
Of course,
Second-hand ...
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"I am a pessimist."
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02-02-2011, 10:21 PM
I would suggest removing all of the commas and ellipses at the end, as in such a short piece they interrupt the flow, but other than that I like this piece; it's grim and witty and clever. Thanks for the read.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
02-03-2011, 11:15 AM
i personally think short poems like this one work better without grammar.
nise short poem that made me think a little and smile a little. thanks for the read. |
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