The Smoker
#1
I put death in my pipe
and smoked it.
It’s as simple as that.
Fuses of tobacco braid strands of nicotine
inside my deathless brain,
hurdy-gurdy death waits around the corner
with all his aching cousins.
I stroll the streets of invisible derelicts
and listen to the crickets for directions
but death leads nowhere
except to an empty pipe
that whistles for the next pinch
of shag and shadow.
"Poetry is the rhythmic, inevitably narrative, movement from an overclothed blindness to a naked vision."  Dylan Thomas
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#2
.
Hi TqB,
it seems to me this begins at the end, and that title needs work Smile

Wondered about a stripped down version.

Fuses of tobacco braid
strands of nicotine                                  (maybe 'garrotes of nicotine' to build on the threat of 'fuses'?
a pinch of shag and shadow.                    and something similar for 'pinch'? Though there's a poision connection with 'pinch' so maybe not Smile )

I put death in my pipe
and smoked it.
It’s as simple as that.



Best, Knot


.
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#3
(05-04-2021, 01:45 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote:  I put death in my pipe
and smoked it.
It’s as simple as that.
Fuses of tobacco braid strands of nicotine
inside my deathless brain, (just say brain instead why the adjective of deathless?)
hurdy-gurdy death waits around the corner (Hurdy-gurdy?)
with all his aching cousins.
I stroll the streets of invisible derelicts
and listen to the crickets for directions
but death leads nowhere
except to an empty pipe
that whistles for the next pinch
of shag and shadow. (Love the ending, shame there isn't anything else I have to say about this piece, but why shag? Shag means to screw someone)

Beautiful work, I love the ending but I also think this piece is near-perfect. Thanks for sharing.
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#4
Majestic, in this case "shag" is a cut of tobacco.  Usually used to roll your own cigarettes.
"Poetry is the rhythmic, inevitably narrative, movement from an overclothed blindness to a naked vision."  Dylan Thomas
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#5
(05-04-2021, 06:21 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote:  Majestic, in this case "shag" is a cut of tobacco.  Usually used to roll your own cigarettes.

Ok that makes sense, I should probably have done a google search.
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